|Reviews for Playing with oil|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/19
I simply love this story. She should have known better to dare him. lol It was HOT!
| sevslave1 chapter 1 . 4/20
very hot! I've been reading your stories all day and I just love your work! Thank you for sharing your amazing talent!
| deedeebug chapter 1 . 1/18
that was hot! thanks!
| Toodleoo chapter 1 . 1/13
Dear Guest (and onecelestialbeing), please substitute for my autocorrect error: "on" instead of "of."
We can't all be perfect.
| Toodleoo chapter 1 . 1/12
First off, let me say how much I enjoyed this story, onecelestialbeing. Loved it! A jealous Snape, an intimate moment of service and kindness and passion between two committed adults, hilariously rich and realistic dialogue. I tip my hat to you!
Secondly, I hope you kept the Mar 10, 2015 "Guest" review in the mix just because you were amused by it. I know I was! The magniloquence and pomposity of "Guest" had me snorting back laughter. I'm not sure if it was written by an 18-year-old with a thesaurus and a chip of their shoulder or a 63-year-old with a hard drive of unfinished stories and a deep seated insecurity, but it's artfully done. One might even say that their review just screams "effort."
Of particular note? Guest's narrow spectrum of acceptable adjectives for eye color. If stating colors like "brown" is "too elementary" and using words like "obsidian" is "terribly cliché [sic]," one might wonder which words any writer is allowed to use? If only Guest could have written Rowling to stop her from writing Snape's eyes as "black" in the books! If only Rowling knew what a faux pas she was making! Alas! (It's interesting to note that Guest, who clearly places a value on an exacting nature, didn't manage to use the word "cliché" correctly. Guest, if you see this, please know that something either "is a terrible cliché" or "is terribly clichéd.")
I actually rolled my eyes and scoffed audibly when I read Guest's critique of the cloud line to myself. Guest asks, "Would any human being ever say this out loud after sexual activity?" and answers, "Almost certainly not. I'd advise working on the dialogue within your lemons to make it more believable." Guest seems to have confused the order of your story. Hermione was speaking after receiving a thorough body massage, in what was a prelude to a lemon rather than in dialogue within the lemon itself. Other than a brief touching of her breasts, the massage is not sexual at this point. As a result, not only does the cloud line come before sexual activity, but Hermione does not even know at this time that there will be anything sexual following the massage itself.
Well, at least Guest ended on a complimentary(?) note. Guest was "pretty" impressed with your writing. That's a generous scrap Guest just threw on the floor under the table for you to snatch up. I'm sure you really felt Guest's stamp of approval. Moreover, Guest appreciates your "clean" grammar and "good plot lines." Two more crumbs for you from Guest! What a lucky goose you are!
Guest, you brave soul who could not own up to using a name of any kind, if you ever see this response, please know this: I want to be kind as I read your words. I'm going to imagine a best possible scenario where you had a long, challenging day during which you felt threatened, and you chose to nitpick someone else in an attempt to build yourself up. You don't have to do this, Guest. Come on. Take a deep breath. You're better than this. Please be kind. I will hope, in turn, that the world is kind to you.
Thanks again for sharing this story, onecelestialbeing! All the best to you!
| SaiyaCat chapter 1 . 1/8
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/18/2015
love the use of mephistopheles
| tlc125 chapter 1 . 6/14/2015
Wow! Holy hell, what I wouldn't do to have a partner pamper me in such a way. I guess jealousy can sometimes be a good thing.
I loved your story. I was wonderfully written.
Thanks for sharing your talent.
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/10/2015
I feel like the writing in this is kind of sloppy and uses quite a few unimpressive clichés. It just doesn't scream "effort." I will give you a few examples.
- Calling Severus' eyes "obsidian." Using the word "obsidian" to describe black eyes is terribly cliché. The other problem with this is that there really aren't black eyes, just very dark brown ones. Aside from the fact that using "obsidian" for eyes is not creative and overdone, maybe focus on the depth and darkness rather than making a direct, overplayed stone metaphor.
- "The two had been married for a little over two years." - Using the word "two" twice in the same sentence just sounds awful. Try, "The pair had been married for a little over two years."
- Calling Hermione's eyes "brown." That's the other end of the spectrum from the issue above; utter lack of description and sounds elementary.
- "Thank you; I feel as if I'm lying on a cloud." - I actually rolled my eyes when I read this to myself. Would any human being ever say this out loud after sexual activity? Almost certainly not. I'd advise working on the dialogue within your lemons to make it more believable.
I'm always pretty impressed with your writing. Your grammar is clean and you have good plot lines. I just wanted to point out a few things in this one that really bothered me.
| Evestra87 chapter 1 . 2/26/2015
Sounds like an utterly perfect afternoon.
| 2lazy2login chapter 1 . 2/22/2015
Dang. That was good ass smut. I appreciated the butt stuff too, lol. Although, I've never heard the anus referred to as a rosebud. But still, great job!
| tmwillson3 chapter 1 . 1/31/2015
Oooh, to have him as a masseuse... lucky girl she is. That was such fun! Love!
| Nathalie Joe chapter 1 . 9/22/2014
Interesting one! I love Severus being in charge and taking care of her 3
| Rochester'sJane chapter 1 . 6/28/2014
Oh. My. God.
| just an anon reader chapter 1 . 2/10/2014
Holy hell this was amazing! Wonderfully done. This is a great one shot, great development but still concluded nicely with no over bearing background. Just perfect.