|Reviews for Playing with oil|
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/10
I feel like the writing in this is kind of sloppy and uses quite a few unimpressive clichés. It just doesn't scream "effort." I will give you a few examples.
- Calling Severus' eyes "obsidian." Using the word "obsidian" to describe black eyes is terribly cliché. The other problem with this is that there really aren't black eyes, just very dark brown ones. Aside from the fact that using "obsidian" for eyes is not creative and overdone, maybe focus on the depth and darkness rather than making a direct, overplayed stone metaphor.
- "The two had been married for a little over two years." - Using the word "two" twice in the same sentence just sounds awful. Try, "The pair had been married for a little over two years."
- Calling Hermione's eyes "brown." That's the other end of the spectrum from the issue above; utter lack of description and sounds elementary.
- "Thank you; I feel as if I'm lying on a cloud." - I actually rolled my eyes when I read this to myself. Would any human being ever say this out loud after sexual activity? Almost certainly not. I'd advise working on the dialogue within your lemons to make it more believable.
I'm always pretty impressed with your writing. Your grammar is clean and you have good plot lines. I just wanted to point out a few things in this one that really bothered me.
| Evestra87 chapter 1 . 2/26
Sounds like an utterly perfect afternoon.
| 2lazy2login chapter 1 . 2/22
Dang. That was good ass smut. I appreciated the butt stuff too, lol. Although, I've never heard the anus referred to as a rosebud. But still, great job!
| tmwillson3 chapter 1 . 1/31
Oooh, to have him as a masseuse... lucky girl she is. That was such fun! Love!
| Nathalie Joe chapter 1 . 9/22/2014
Interesting one! I love Severus being in charge and taking care of her 3
| Rochester'sJane chapter 1 . 6/28/2014
Oh. My. God.
| just an anon reader chapter 1 . 2/10/2014
Holy hell this was amazing! Wonderfully done. This is a great one shot, great development but still concluded nicely with no over bearing background. Just perfect.
| TycheSong chapter 1 . 2/1/2014
Hawtttt. Exactly what I've come to expect and look forward to from you! :-)
| Janene1975 chapter 1 . 11/23/2013
Loved it! You are a fantastic writer! :)
| thatperfectsomeone chapter 1 . 11/21/2013
OMG i knew there was a reason i loved your writing...btw my housemates think were crazy for loving these too together
| Gertrude Flint chapter 1 . 11/2/2013
This story could be subtitled "Hermione Has a Wonderful Time": the massage scene was all about her, with every possible means of pleasure turned up to 11. I got quite swept away by the whole thing and came out of it thinking it's been far too long since I had a good massage.
The oil-covered sex sure was hot, from beginning to end. I particularly liked how naturally they shifted to anal, though it was their first time. The language you use here is such an effective mix of the earthy and the elegant. I certainly wouldn't have minded trading places with Hermione by the time they were lying on their sides and she was being buggered into multiorgasmic screaming - mmm, nice!
Must add that the flashbacks were great! Appreciated the quick account of how they got together - added context, and Ginny's comments, made the Snape/Hermione banter and arguments work all the better.
| tainted-tash chapter 1 . 10/27/2013
I think that is the most erotic thing I have ever come across!
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/8/2013
| Cybrokat chapter 1 . 7/10/2013
I love her line about how he is dangerous. Now I just need to find a hot British secret agent snarky professor masseuse...
| Her Royal Goddess chapter 1 . 6/17/2013
I hadn't read this one before and it goes without saying that I thoroughly enjoyed it almost as much as Hermione Xx