|Reviews for Aphelion|
| jeff.dickey chapter 4 . 4/5
"Tree's. It was always tree's." At least you're consistent through most of the story.
Too many people let their word processor do their spell-checking and grammar-checking for them. More than one tree are referred to as "trees". The roots of a particular tree may be referred to as "the tree's roots." No matter what's in the NCO's mind, when he is with his peers, they are NCOs.
It's not just nit-picking. A good author — and you do have a good story that you're telling — knows that inappropriate words, bad spelling or broken grammar can yank a reader out of the mental imagery you have taken pains to build, wasting large parts of both of your efforts. Sweating the details, *especially* in fan fiction, shows that you care about the characters whose story you're telling and about the reader to whom you're telling it.
Effort counts, yes, and anyone can see that you put an effort into the details here — which shows that you CAN do better. Good luck in your future writing; I hope to read it.
| s-david-m chapter 23 . 3/18
Just getting caught up again, so sorry these comments are a little dated. Nanites can't perform nuclear transmutation the way you describe at the end of this chapter. At the limit, they can arrange atoms into molecular compounds, but converting elements involves changing the nucleus of atoms which is beyond nanotech.
I also don't get the whole Lucian Alliance sleeper agent plotline. These sleepers would have had to be in the military at least 5 years, and they apparently were raised as children on Earth by older Lucian Alliance sleepers, so let's say another 10 years. So we're early 1999 if we're being optimistic, two years following the start of SG-1 where most of the galaxy had never even heard that the Tau'ri are running around. Who would commit such tremendous intelligence resources to infiltrating an unknown, backwards planet with no resources to speak of, and no other apparent military or strategic value? The Lucian Alliance leaders would have had to have been clairvoyant to see that Earth was worth infiltrating.
Which doesn't even mention the fact that the location of the Tau'ri home world wasn't even well known at this time. Only Ra and those System Lords that took over his territory when he died would have known the address. Also, only some System Lords had access to the fast hyperdrive to reach Earth in a reasonable timeframe. Teal'c stated that it would take several years for a fleet to reach Earth given the hyperdrives he was familiar with, and presumably, these are the only ones available to the Alliance, not the latest and greatest.
I think the sleeper agent plotline is promising as a concept, but now that gate travel is public knowledge, I think an infiltration from a country that is sloppier with their paperwork would have worked better as a background for sleepers. Looking forward to seeing where you go with this!
| Guest chapter 52 . 3/8
Just curious...is Homeworld Command/Stargate Command/offworld operations primarily run by the USAF? I dont recall any USN or USCG operated starships or US Army/USMC run offworld sites/bases/city ships. Just curious. Seems natural for USCG to run a moon base or near earth operations.
As always, great writing!
| guest008 chapter 25 . 2/26
The Marshall plan was in 1924, and was before the second world war but after the first world war. The general idea of the Marshall plan was to give out loans to help rebuild Germany whose economy was failing. This idea of giving loans to help rebuild other economies is correct. Otherwise this chapter is very well done just like all those before it.
| Major Simi chapter 52 . 2/22
Well sometimes old enemy s become new allies , great idea very interesting. Well dine, keep going
| Jake chapter 17 . 2/21
I enjoy your story but a lot of it just doesn't make any sense. The people they are fighting on this world have the technological equivalency of cavemen compared to Earth. Why would they deploy all these troops and lose men and vehicles when they don't need to? The enemy doesn't have any shielding technology so just have a ship hover over the enemy and beam them into space, or a brig if you want to be nice about it. With their shields they could do whatever they want. I get that you want to describe all the fancy new toys but it just doesn't make sense. Hell, at the very least use an orbital bombardment. When you have air superiority like that artillery is useless, especially when you only have them fire one round for some silly reason. Are they trying to save money on ammo at the cost of those 3 planes that got shot down? I think you just thought up all this awesome technology and are damn sure going to use it, even if it doesn't make any sense. Or maybe you painted yourself into a corner and need to make some false conflict. With all that being said, thanks for writing, it is a lot better than I will ever do.
| Eaglestorm27 chapter 52 . 2/19
Hey salut , c'est vraiment un bon chapitre et comme l'a dit Senrab Nomis , tu prépare vraiment un background pour les prochains scénarios . Je me demande si les Quin Haalish ont rencontré la Terre ou le général Carter a été envoyé sans faire exprès par le dispositif de Merlin . Quelles genres de partages technologiques les quin Haalish et la Terre font ? Verrat-on une exploration vers l'univers du colonel Snobel ? Est ce que le Wormhole Drive va être installer sur les vaisseaux de la Terre ?
| MGMickey chapter 21 . 2/18
so far everything excellent! I loved the MacGyver reference!
| Ari989 chapter 52 . 2/17
Very well done! Another loose end, or rather two in one, of the stargate franchise are tied up. I liked your idea of who the Mimic aliens were and where they came from. I've honestly never come across a story that tries to deal with them in any way. I suppose they all ignore them as a random monster of the week, despite the fact that their Mimic technology makes a reappearance several times. Tying them in to quantum mirror was great too. I hadn't realized until now that it had never been brought up as one of the ancients' inventions. So, thanks for the update! Looking forward to next time!
| Snowdove30 chapter 52 . 2/16
Excellent chapter and worth the wait. Relieved that Earth has not stepped into another war or made further enemies. Daniel and Sam are so cute together...
| Knight121198 chapter 52 . 2/16
Fantastic Chapter, you really rounded that all off well. Hopefully we will see a more lasting relationship between the Earth and its allies and the Qin Hashaash.
| mal1287 chapter 52 . 2/16
Heya, great to see an update and an intriguing one at that! I will watch this space keenly.
| Senrab Nomis chapter 52 . 2/16
Well that was certainly interesting. I have to admit that i did not see this particular turn of events coming about. Three birds with one stone, four if you count the self created ship by the magnatar situation. And certainly a shiny stone, bordering on a rare gem.
Their story should be easy enough to confirm i suppose. Simply having the AI check through the ships databanks should do the trick.
I'm guessing Au'it Tap'i knew that Sam was a General by her uniform and their past encounters. I should point out i am slightly ambivalent about that name. While i hate the fact that i had to type out that name, and mentally debate the correct pronounciation, i also feel pity for you, having had to type it out multiple times. To add further conflict to the mix impressed with the level of creativty required to come up with it.
I am curious however just what advanced technologies they would offer Earth to fight against the Ori. They need not all be be military based to assist, a war machine does have multiple components after all. Perhaps manufacturing based to allow for the construction of a capable fleet?
Great chapter, looking forward to more.
| romanhellhound chapter 52 . 2/15
Now I must say I like how you have intertwined two questions that the ending of the series left me with. I think that this is a great way to end two mysteries and create a new future. Bravo I say.
| Animal Kingdom chapter 52 . 2/15
Thank you for the wonderful Valentine’s Day gift XD! As for your statement about this chapter not being up to par, I notice you keep saying that but I do not think such a thing exists in you stories. Also as for as apologizing; because we have gotten spoiled with timely updates please do not ever apologize for chapters that we may consider being delayed to long. I think we tend to forget that you have a job and personal priorities, Fanfiction is not paying you to write your stories; in addition to the fact until us the readers are paying your bills, putting food on your table, clothes on your back and a roof over your head we can be patient and wait for updates. If we are really lucky maybe MGM or one of the producers of the Stargate might come across your story and use it for a potential new Stargate series. Hey one can only hope can't we :-)?
At any rate I truly loved how the relationship between Daniel Jackson and Samantha Carter is developing and hope they get to the point where they become married couple; they actually complement each other.
I was on the other hand happily surprised to read that the aliens seen in the Stargate SG-1 episodes “Foothold” and “Grace “were one of the same race; when I first read the chapter and you described them as humanlike, with roughly scaled skin and eyes set far apart and but clad in dull red armor the first thought that popped in my mind was Scarrans from the series Farscape Lol XD.
Boy was I glad I was wrong but I am somewhat confused when it comes to the multiple universe concepts mainly because when the Qin Hashaash ship captain Au'it Tap'i stated that they we are not native to this reality does mean there race only exists in one reality and also when Au'it developed the Quantum Mirror device, in the hopes of interacting with other like-minded civilizations in realities other than their own it is safe to assume he meant more than just humans.
In closing Awesome Job! This chapter was great and as always I look forward to more to reading more.