|Reviews for Postnuptial Disagreements|
| Anzer'ke chapter 11 . 2/13
Yeah...I want to like this. I really really want to like this but...you're making the classic OC mistakes and, what's worse, you're doing so while being a competent writer.
From dumbing down every other cast member even at the cost of outright ignoring canon (Minato is near inhumanly strong and resistant to pain enough to embrace someone while they're on fire without flinching, his punch would have shattered a normal human's jaw) to continually handing victories to your main character. You're not giving any impression of tension in this story. The half-hearted attempt to hand him a defeat is just the icing on that cake.
1) He should have been annihilated by Miya. He broke stealth to fight Musubi and Miya's flash step types of fast, even if she didn't just strike at range.
2) Matsu clearly had the ability to track him, so why the hell didn't they attack until after his plan played out?
3) Homura spends most of that fight standing around while Merry does stuff.
4) Kazehana fought Benitsubasa in canon. The fight lasted half a second and she wasn't even taking it seriously. Here she's blood lusted, meaning Benitsubasa would have been paste almost instantly.
Look, I have issues with Sekirei too, but the issue with bashing isn't that it enrages fans. The issue is that it harms the quality of the story. It shatters the illusions that the main character is facing a struggle for victory, and given that you have thus far established the main character to be a fairly weak Magus by Clock Tower standards, with no great magics and a tactical playbook that comes down to exactly the kind of things that canon Lord El-Melloi looked down on...
I understand of course that this story was completed years ago, but if you're still writing then I implore you to keep in mind that if the reader doesn't believe a character's struggle then the story becomes boring.
| pihip chapter 28 . 11/22/2016
This was quite the bittersweet tale - more bitter than sweet in my opinion, but still a very good read. Your depiction of Miya and her death aura was also very cool, though I can't say the same of Karasuba's attempt at magecraft (there's something off about a goddess not being able to beat her, and an aged hitman managing to do it).
Speaking of the main star though, I found Meriwether despicable. I held no sympathy for his father when I watched Fate/zero, and I hold even less for this blackmailing backstabbing bastard. Make no mistake, he was entertaining to read and well-written, but despicable nonetheless. A truly deserved end for him would be to fail Miya's geis and pay the consequences - at least that way the many Sekirei he endangered or directly/indirectly (mostly indirectly) ended would have their payback.
| BanTheFairyKing chapter 28 . 11/18/2016
This is the single best story I have ever read with an Original Character as it's main character. You didn't fall into the flaws of having him be perfect, and you didn't have him know all of the main characters. However, you still made him useful, and made his wins believable. I commend you for that. I was tentative when you mentioned he knew Illya, but you didn't disappoint. You had their friendship be plot relevant, and touched back on it when Kiritsugu showed up. You made an Alternate Universe, but made its continuity sufficient and didn't expand much on it besides the teasers for a sequel. Overall, though I don't care for the premise of an Original Character as you main character, you executed it flawlessly and it was many degrees better than having Waver or some other character do what Meri did and blaming there Out Of Character behaviour on the Alternate Universe. Great Job on this piece of outstanding fiction. I'm reading this a tad late and haven't checked to see if it has a sequel published, but if it doesn't I encourage you to right one.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/8/2016
The son of the original Melon? Heh, interesting.
| thepkrmgc chapter 15 . 6/10/2016
methinks the disappearances are a result of mage interference
| thepkrmgc chapter 14 . 6/10/2016
you know, ive really got to respect the reasoning behind meriweather's choice, the sekeri's instictive/programmed reaction isnt all that dissimilar from the myriad unethical means of coercion, and its noble of him to abstain from abusing it.
i suspect the duck incident is about to backfire horribly though
| thepkrmgc chapter 13 . 6/10/2016
the idea of kotomine winging karasuba is so distrubing that im hocked nobody has written a fic about it yet
| thepkrmgc chapter 12 . 6/10/2016
since meriweather is somehow even more oblivious than shirou, of course it would take a magic ritual...
| thepkrmgc chapter 11 . 6/10/2016
while he might think he's lost everything thigns can still get worse, his father hasnt arrived yet
| thepkrmgc chapter 10 . 6/10/2016
well that backfired horribly, although the mage's analytical notetaking is rather amusing
| thepkrmgc chapter 9 . 6/10/2016
the negotiations with matsu were quite amusing, and minato's not wrong...
| thepkrmgc chapter 8 . 6/10/2016
it seems like he's not the only schemer in town, it should be interesting to see how he takes down the cannonical protagonists
| thepkrmgc chapter 7 . 6/10/2016
while this is certainly a peculiar take on a romance i think your doing a fairly good job of it nonetheless
| thepkrmgc chapter 6 . 6/10/2016
healing spells are rather useful, but i suspect that even the third true magic couldnt bring him back if karasuba gets to enjoy herself at his expense
| thepkrmgc chapter 5 . 6/10/2016
nice job balancing the power of a magus with the fundamental weakness of the human wielding that power