|Reviews for Wet|
| DeeaE chapter 3 . 5/20/2012
danna sure is nervous
| Desaicedancer chapter 3 . 5/4/2012
Awwwww XD Sasori's all flustered. It's so cute XD
| Ninjagirl93 chapter 2 . 5/4/2012
Got to love flamers right? I like this story. It's cute and sweet. Keep on writing and ignore them.
| DeeaE chapter 2 . 5/4/2012
| DeidaraLittleMonster chapter 2 . 5/3/2012
Aw, I love this story, it's so cute x3
| Ye Olde James chapter 1 . 5/2/2012
Let's see, where do I begin...
My dear, I am simply trying to give the best constructive criticism that I can.
To start off, a very important thing to /most/ readers is keeping in-character. Keep in mind that Sasori wouldn't give Deidara a second glance, not to mention fuck him so...tenderly. Sasori's character is completley different than how you portrayed him. He's a cold, ruthless /bastard/, to put it bluntly. Deidara and himself, while partners, are more enemies than lovers. And not to mention Sasori's natural SADISTIC nature? He would never act like he did in this fic.
Another thing being that there is no real plot or originality in this one-shot. Of course, it is considered smut, so there doesn't need to be a plot. I'm just saying, it's better to have a minor plot that will intrigue the reader as opposed to not. Even something as miniscule as that can be beneficial.
Also, your word choice is rather horrendous, to say the least. You're using simple vocabulary that doesn't challenge or hook the reader whatsoever. Even on Microsoft Word, go the extra mile and open up the thesaurus and use a synonym for something. Not only does it make you seem more intelligent, but it helps pull the story together and keep the reader's attention. With how you are writing now, your vocabulary makes you seem like you are an illiterate ten-year old.
And lastly, perhaps even the most important, is being descriptive! You have to make sure that you get down to the finest details. That's crucial. Detailing is what makes a good story; It's what hooks you and makes you keep reading.
I hope my critique was helpful to you, and helps you become a better, stronger author. I bid you good day. -James