|Reviews for The Alchemist: Legacy|
| lokilette chapter 1 . 4/5/2015
A brother and sister OC in Slytherin and Ravenclaw? Sounds interesting. :)
A student from Durmstrang? :o I'm a bit of a Durmstrang fangirl. Can't help it. I was curious why they would let a transfer student just choose a class when they could just use the Hat to sort them, though?
A father who only approves of purebloods, huh? That's interesting. Guess that's part of the bad home-life that was mentioned previously. A plot to get Ashley to date Damien. So underhanded but I like it! Although, Durmstrang doesn't allow in Muggle-borns, so I suppose that this is more of an AU? It does make me wonder what time period this takes place in.
It's an interesting first chapter. :)
| CheddarTrek chapter 1 . 2/16/2013
Not bad at all for a story comprised of OCs, fun read.
| Derpravity chapter 1 . 1/24/2013
The dialogue you're using bothers me a bit, because it sounds really unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way anyone actually talks, but more like a self-conscious attempt to convey information. It's a shortcut that doesn't work well; instead of making characters state exactly what they want and what they're thinking about and what their motivations are, you should get that across in the text outside of their speech. Illustrate what they're feeling through their actions. Maybe write out some of their private thoughts. But the artificial literal wordiness of the way they talk really put me off reading any further. A character should talk more like someone who's thinking and feeling what they're thinking and feeling; not just say everything they're thinking and feeling in an obvious way. That kind of telling-not-showing has the effect of alienating readers by making them feel talked down to, like an after-school special.
| Guest chapter 13 . 1/17/2013
Is there gonna be anymore updates?
| Guest chapter 9 . 1/12/2013
This is amazing!
Please write more!