|Reviews for Stepping Stone|
| irmaida chapter 1 . 8/7/2013
This was beautifully written - in character and heartwrenching and everything.
Your headcanon makes total sense to me, also.
| Bloodredfirefly chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
Was not expecting Thuke in any form, but it was still brilliant. It was dark, and sad, and very, very plausible. It's written with just incredible skill too. I wasn't expecting it, but I liked it.
| Insomniac chapter 1 . 5/10/2012
Okay, this has to be one of the est explanations for those pairings that I have ever read. Amazing job, you really got the right idea. Rick couldn't have said it better. Well, probably;D
| The Ghost Writers chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
So I'm back again. The same ghost that sent you the PM, drifting through, all transparent like and treating walls as if they're not there. :P
As you were curious as to why you were not getting reviews, I'm going to try and shape this review as a 'things that may possibly get you more reviews in the future and explain why more people didn't review, but also may not, because I may or may not know what I'm doing' review. Kay? XD
First of all, this was really heartfelt, it was. It definitely tugged at my heartstrings and I like your take on the Thuke pairing, that they were always together before they arrived at Camp. And I do feel bad for Annabeth now you put it that way, with her thinking that he needed her and it turned out that, actually, he didn't. That's insightful and I really liked it.
Okay... first thing, the A/N could maybe go to the top of the page? Sometimes things need a little introduction and while I enjoyed this before reading the A/N it didn't really click for me until I'd read it. So I think maybe that could have helped to draw readers in, having a more immediate explanation of the fic.
Secondly, lots of pronouns. Lots of 'he' and, in some places, lots of 'she'. I thought maybe you were trying to keep all of the characters anonymous to try and make the reader guess who was involved, but well it's sort of given away by the website asking you to enter the characters anyway. Is that why the A/N was at the bottom, to further disguise it? It's an interesting technique and I feel that it worked up to a point but in some places, especially the third paragraph which is quite a crucial one in that it is the first substantial one of the fic, it gets a little overwhelming. A lot of sentences start with 'he'. This is something I am guilty of myself, I must say, but it's something that maybe could have been jiggled around a bit, if only to make it less repetitive?
Also, the cat came out of the bag halfway through when you start talking about Thalia turning into a tree on the border of CHB, so we all started to know who was involved then anyway and the anonymity kind of crumbled there but the pronouns continued. I like the technique, don't get me wrong. It's innovative and fresh, not one I've seen utilised (or at least utilised well enough to be memorable in this fandom until now) but it comes with its own set of problems, I'm afraid, that do need to be worked around. That aside, though, it was a bold stylistic choice and I both respect and enjoyed it.
I can only really pick one hole in the grammar/spelling/syntax area and that's in the third paragraph. "It's a difference". I'm not sure if it's a typo but it just felt a little awkward. The phrasing seemed off; "It's different" or "There's a difference" would have worked better there, I think. Apart from that, I've looked through this with as much scrutiny as I can muster at such an hour and I really don't think I picked up on any spelling/grammar mistakes. It was, for the most part, flawless, which made it a joy to read for me.
However, one other thing I would say is that there was a slightly out of place dash towards the end.
"He doesn't just want her – and he does want her. She sings in his blood."
The structure of the sentence including the dash made it a little confusing for me. It took a few reads to work out what it meant as at first it seemed rather contradictory. I think it would have perhaps flowed better and been clearer if it were all once sentence, perhaps: "He doesn't just want her — and he /does/ want her — she sings in his blood." Or, without the parenthetic dashes, "He doesn't just want her (and he /does/ want her): she sings in his blood." /Shrugs. Just my two cents and, like two cents, that's probably not worth very much to you. Just a thought.
In some places I found that there were too many short sentences as well. In many places they provided excellent emphasis and helped make those sections of this fic particularly poignant, but I felt "The last thing his love's eyes saw was her fingers, stretched towards the sky. But they weren't her fingers. They were branches" may have worked better as two or even one sentence rater than three. I know you're trying to hammer home what's happened and the shock Luke feels but it's a little too... punchy here for me personally.
This is obviously a romance fic that borders at times onto high drama but in some places I worry that the prose got a tiny little bit too purple. Not often and not so much that it was detrimental to the fic but "He likes the way that scarlet climbs her cheeks when he complements her sparkling grey eyes" felt a little overblown to me. A little overdone. It could perhaps have done with being toned back a little. Not a lot, just a little. You don't do this in most places, though, just here and there and it's only really the smallest thing.
Overall, though, you write well and it saddens me that you're finding it difficult to get reviews. The spelling and grammar are excellent and you put a lot of creative thought into what you write. I think that, in many ways, this is the essence of what fanfiction should be — taking characters and situations and plots from fandom and expanding on them, making them deeper and easier to understand. For that reason alone I enjoy it but there are many, many other reasons which make this a good fic. The spelling and grammar, which I keep banging on about but they are important after all, are another thing that make this fic such a joy to read. I appreciate the dichotomy of cold and hot the runs the whole way through, fire and flames and ice and chills all wrapped up in the same set of feelings, the same relationship. It really summed it up, I thought. I also love the distinctions you make, between want/need and thinking about/of. Those are such tiny little things, mere semantics really, and yet you make them mean so much, which was wonderful.
I enjoyed this fic and I wish you many reviews in the future.
| i made my mistakes chapter 1 . 5/3/2012
Wow. Just... Wow.
It's amazing how you captured all of Luke's emotions. They were exclusively his, and yet they could be nearly anyone's.
I. Love. This. I swear, this has to be entered in the Veritas (I would, but I have absolutely no idea how.) or the Ghost Writer's Community.
This is like 24k gold in the midst of gravel rubble.