|Reviews for No regret, no remorse|
| The Dark Madness Dragon chapter 1 . 7/7/2012
well, its a great story, when you get the next few chapter's up, it will be a story to remember.
| Ripred chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
i was narrarating it. lol this is just the prelude to get the story rolling. kind of like how at the start of a movie there is a narrator but then he shuts up untill the end.
thanks for the suggestions though.
| Dardarax chapter 1 . 5/4/2012
Wow, thanks for all the honourable mentions. I'm honoured. _
Hm... I wonder who that could have been? :/ Well, whoever it is, I don't blame him for going after Moneybags, the guy's a dick. xP Though, you would think that the 'organization' would have decided to charge some from everyone, just to make a big profit, since so many people wanted him dead. After all, I'm sure they wouldn't have minded to all pitch in in order to get him killed. xD
Pretty good. Though there were a few things I might change out. For example, when you do the "It is nearly pitch-black at just after midnight," I would have gotten rid of the "It is" in exchange for something like "The sky was." There are two reasons I would do this: The first is that "It is" makes it seem more like you are narrating the scene to us. In a story such as this, you want to be as invisible as possible while telling the story, so people forget it is, in fact a story. The second reason I would do this is because it adds just a little more description to the scene, telling us more about what is happening, and what the surroundings look like. I would also recommend changing out the "just after midnight," to make it sound a bit better, but that's just me. If you do decide to do it however, I would go with "The sky was pitch black as the crescent midnight moon hovered in the sky." Just a suggestion, don't have to do it.
Also, the line immediately after that has the same immediate problem that the first line had: "There is a feeling of despair and sadness" The "there is" makes it seem like you're narrating, I recommend removing it so that it, and leaving the "A feeling of despair and sadness" to itself, as it works all by itself.
The rest is great though, and I had a lot of fun reading it. Can't wait to see how this continues.
Let your imagination flourish.
| Astralflame13 chapter 1 . 5/4/2012
I dont want to sound me but moneybags got what was coming to him. but no really this is a good start and i hope to read more, and maybe the chapters will be longer?