|Reviews for Black Fairy|
| Malex A. Potter chapter 3 . 1/16
Continued please is very good *O*, Hopefully Ursula returns with Leon is not your fault and it shows that you love.
| Maximus Prime chapter 3 . 5/1/2013
| bloody raptor chapter 3 . 4/2/2013
Its good to hear from you again after all this time. I can hardly wait for the next chapter.
| artilyon-rand chapter 1 . 1/10/2013
| Salysha chapter 2 . 12/30/2012
Beautiful second chapter! Leaves the reader hungering for more, though. So am I to take it that the OC will be prominently featured? I hope Leon still goes on the missions so it doesn't become just relationship stuff (that easily freezes story progression). However, however, before I spell doom when none is on sight,very enjoyable writing. The chapter read to me like an appetizer for more.
I liked the overall phrasings, again, but some are too sweet not to mention individually! Luis Sera, bless him, really fouled up Lyon’s name. I was so happy to run into the reminiscence of him, despite being saddened by his fate instantly after. I was vividly reminded of the first chapter's cooler-than-life phrasings with "Black is his shade of comfort." That's the stuff! "Lots of eyes" is an odd thing to mention, and I liked it immensely; it sort of drew my attention in and, again, contributed to the atmospheric feel. Solid update overall, good work.
| cjjs chapter 2 . 12/11/2012
Well this was exactly the sort of story I needed to read tonight.
Seriously. It reads like a published novel. The bit about Leon's ill-fated metrosexual phase earned a lol.
You're a high-caliber writer. I'm all caught up on this story now, and I want more, which is always a good thing to hear from a reader. You have me sufficiently intrigued with this Ursula of yours. She seems amiable, but there's definitely a sinister side to her. And of course Leon won't quit with his white knight habit and definitely won't give her up easily. It's a recipe for tension for sure.
So please, indulge me, and continue with this. It deserves more attention, but don't let that discourage you. You have at least one avid reader.
| cjjs chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
Hey there. I'd been meaning to review this since forever.
You spin a mighty fine year there, ma'am. This chapter was a complete breeze. Everything flowed so smoothly.
Your descriptions were original, concise and definitely not overdone. I really liked the bit about the bloody smile of No. 3's severed Achilles tendon.
Seriously, many authors, myself included, bog themselves in the details, thinking that more is more, and more is better, but it isn't. It's pretentious, and it's shit. You don't have that problem, you gave just enough to make it incredibly vivid, but kept that flow just a cranking alone.
And your narrative voice is spot on. Really this seems written from the perspective of a man who knows the solo operative job in and out. I think I mentioned to you that this chapter reminds me of Andy McNab's books, and he's an ex SAS. Actually, this is better than McNab, because he does the technical stuff like no other, but his characters suck. Leon does not suck.
You get extra points for using magazine instead of clip. There is a difference, and Leon would call it by its right name.
Really I could go on and on here. but it's late, and I'm sleepy and I wanted to fire this off before I hit the hay.
Fantastic work. I'm reading more tomorrow.
| Salysha chapter 1 . 11/2/2012
Wonderfully atmospheric! There is barely any dialogue, and yet, this is absorbing. The pacing is great and the lexicon is diverse, effective. The language use overall soothes the soul; it is skillful and creative. The reader really gets a feel for the fic. Even the one-time guest stars, especially No. 3 ("His legs end in large, seasoned boots, attuned to the crushing of skulls"), are intriguing!
It felt like RE gameplay when Leon looked for the key in the guy's pocket. A detail, but I really enjoyed it. I also took to the moment when the girl gets Leon's jacket. These lines:
"She seems astonished by his warmth and huddles closer. She presses her nose into the fabric of his shirt, breathes deep.
Leon blinks. 'I'm guessing… you like me?'"
I feel like there is a lot of understated humor in the narrative ("No. 2 has no presents for him"), and it makes the story. Beautiful work.
| Deliciously chapter 1 . 10/8/2012
you have my idealistic way of writing, i mean it's such a pleasure to read the way you string words together thst makes it addictive to read. i hope you can continue your story as it's rather different and if your writing is just like this in your other stories i'll have to check them out. :)
| ArcticLizard89 chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
This is intriguing. Can't wait for you to keep going!
| captain-tots chapter 1 . 5/9/2012
What an excellent first chapter. I'm sucked in already. Your style is wonderful. I really liked the small insights into Leon's character: his patience, his gun named Gladys, and the Gatorade... it makes him seem more *real*.
I'm getting a sense of !foreshadowing from the blood bags and the plot summary, but I don't want to read into things too much just yet.
Anyway, forgive me for being brief, because I'm writing this on my phone between classes (I do that a lot.) I'm really looking forward to the next chapter!
| Maiafay chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Original characters get very little love in fandom - unless the fandom itself encourages OCs. And OC's that are beautiful and paired with a canon character are almost always sneered at - and that's too bad.
Once in a while, an original character is actually interesting. It's early in the story yet, but I know there's going to be trouble with this "tired flower". Her blood bags and cold skin coupled with Leon in character (strong, resourceful, generous, and wry sense of humor) and you have a story that has my interest.
Present tense is hard to pull off sometimes, but it read naturally here, and keeps you in the moment. After a while, I didn't notice the tense, and that's always a good sign ;)
Little things stand out to me: The training Leon received to watch people for hours. Leon drinks Gatorade! The grass as "whiskers of old men". Naming his gun Gladys as Terra mentioned. The way he describes Manuela with her "Pocahontas mane". When the girl's shiver makes Leon forget the danger she could pose to him. The way you described the girl's groggy awakening as unfurling like a tired flower. And Leon aiming the gun with egg yolk on his fingers. LOL, I can see him doing that.
I think this is off to a good start. Only a few things confused me. The paragraph where Leon is watching Mykolas - it's hard to figure out who is doing what. Mainly this sentence: "Leon feels his frustration with the mania of film stars, waistlines and romantic liaisons."
I know I mentioned it to you before, but don't be afraid to use names. Pronouns can get tricky sometimes when you have two male characters (or two females). There's a bit during the EMT examination where I lost track of the "he's" and confused Leon with the EMT.
The ending is sweet here. The girl handing Leon back his precious jacket reminds me of the anime, Elfen Lied. The girl's innocence is similar to Nyu, a naive waif who has an alter ego of Lucy, a hardened psychopath with telekinetic powers. Part of me is wondering if the girl left a roomful of dead bodies and destruction back at the hospital, or research facility they had taken her to. Wouldn't surprise me ;P
| terragrigia chapter 1 . 5/4/2012
VERY good start so far. It wasn't too much, nothing was overdone. Your prose was as excellent as usual. I like the way you word things, though I'm sure that I've told you this before - and even if the compliment itself seems so bland and childish almost. LOL.
First off, your Leon. Ugh. I hardly bump into stories staring Leon that I truly like (same with Sherry and Wesker), so when I say that everything you already incorporated into this - those little tidbits from wishing Claire was around, his sudden remembrance of Manuela, the Gatorade, naming his gun 'Gladys' (maybe he likes Hispanic women? Haha.) - was so good and built him up wonderfully, I truly mean it.
Your OC even is already so intriguing and she hasn't even said a word. Her actions, her circumstances, it already has me wondering what the hell if her deal and I want to find out more.
All in all, amazing job. I truly loved every moment of it. Now, it's going in my favs.