Reviews for Trainwreck Hearts
The Fox Familiar chapter 4 . 4/13
Chapter 16

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“Tony wasn’t exactly useless” – Lol, yes he is.

“The doctor didn’t have everything he needed” - ...They are literally steps away from the helicarrier. Like, literally. They can take a fucking walk.

There’s the cliché where Tony doesn’t know whether his lover is going to live or not and Steve is good at being a vegetable. I guess the whole alien fight scene wasn’t important, and they bombed the shit out of the ship when they could have done that in the first place. No one was suspicious and the Kree just go in there and want a whole Leonidas vs Xerxes fight that makes the fight scenes in 300 look like the best thing on Earth. BTW – those fight scenes are much better than yours.

But we all know how this is going to turn out. Steve is going to heal and get back together with emo-Tony, and they’ll live happily ever after. But there are a few problems with this, and I’m going to talk about them now.

I don’t give a damn how long or hard you write about this pairing, but it doesn’t work. Tony has Pepper and he is worried that she will get hurt. Yeah, I get that her actress is a dumb piece of work, but you don’t do any favours with cutting Pepper out of the equation entirely. Tony is not the sarcastic, intelligent and witty playboy we know him to be. He’s a swinger, an emotional rollercoaster that drinks, beats the ones he loves, and wonders why others don’t like him. He has inner wars with himself and says he hates himself and I really, really wonder what the Hell you smoked to make you write this. Tony doesn’t hate himself. His daddy issues aren’t that bad to make him that much of an asshole. He wouldn’t dedicate himself to drink without someone saying something, and instead of, you know, doing science, he just sits there sleeping, wondering when his blonde Barbie is going to come back and suck him off.

Steve is no better. The Man with a Plan is a useless, emotional Barbie there for looks, and he doesn’t understand that Tony is abusive towards him. For some reason, stories featuring Steve being abused is a big hit, mainly because women want to know what it feels like for those sexist men to feel what they feel, the other being that they’re sick fucks who need some hollow points pumped in that nasty flesh of theirs. For all the good Steve stands for, it’s tossed aside because the author feels that her writings on how this abuse works and all the emotional things pans out fucking sucks, and screw logic because that would just tear this apart wouldn’t it? Steve is not dumb, but you wrote him as being this dependent wife that doesn’t want to leave her abusive husband. He doesn’t hurt Tony because OMG FEELINGS and some other excuse in which your readers provide some context for, but I know that their context is bullshit and can be thrown aside. Tony is willing to put the lives of others at risk so he can get some ass.

When the fight scene happens, Steve loses all his abilities and gets his ass whomped by an alien, because Jar Jar Binks decided it was time to rave. His shield, which can absorb vibration, doesn’t work and Steve doesn’t think of throwing it at the damn thing. He loses all of his intelligence and battlefield cunning, and is lowered to that of a whipped dog that doesn’t know where to go. All the others stand around and see him as their leader when he shows no leadership qualities. In a Gladiator-esque fight scene, he shows himself to be so OOC that he becomes a new character entirely.

Another reviewer gives you praise for creating a flawless plot and showing Tony’s inner demons and making him a human. I’m here to tell you that you haven’t achieved any of that. The extent of Tony’s self loathing was over the top that it borders on being fucking retarded. He doesn’t understand a thing called ‘consequence’, and decided to go ‘See you, ho’ before a great big fight. Steve, being the emotionally starved waifu that he is, has his heart broken and everyone stops and the world stops and so forth to cuddle and coddle him.

Now, that relationship. Boy, is that a riot. You write that there is no love between them and that in the beginning they get off beating the living shit out of each other. Then, Tony realizes he has the feels and wants to love Steve, and Steve suddenly realizes he loves Tony despite neither having the qualities to BE loved. They don’t even talk to each other or even have civilized conversations. Tony doesn’t even wait to tell Steve how he really feels; he just goes in and decides everything’s going to be OK. For someone who has a boyfriend, you don’t even understand how relationships work. You managed to fit them both into stereotypes without knowing it, and went on believing that you broke it. Oh, well. Someone has to do the hard work around here.

Clint seems to be the only voice of reason. Natasha is just the useless woman; no one cares about her. Bruce talks about some science-y stuff that doesn’t make sense, and in the raison d’être injects Steve with the serum-that-isn’t-the-serum-but-is-the-serum in order to push Steve to his highest potential. I really don’t think you understand how things work, honey.

The dialogue was all female centric and not believable. Everyone’s talking about Steve and Tony and not doing their damn jobs. So much for saving the world. It can be summed up thus:

Tony and Steve fight. They secretly love each other but don’t. Steve nearly dies fighting non-violent aliens. Tony is sad. They make up and fuck. The end.

The dialogue and attempt at moral grey areas make Whedon look like a genius. You are incapable of writing good plots, and when there aren’t long descriptions about rainy days and going in churches, there is nothing at all happening. They’re healing Steve while steps away from their helicarrier. They’re all standing around while aliens are fighting around them. They talk and joke when there are serious things happening. If that didn’t say, ‘Hey, this doesn’t make sense’ to you, well, you fail at comprehension.

People are only reading this for the pairing, which is one I don’t understand. Tony is not some over emotional twat who didn’t get enough chocolate bunnies for Easter. Steve is not a pussy ready to be whipped. You write them as the men they are, not the men you want to be putting you on a pedestal. This whole thing made me snicker. There is no way this could have made it past the WordDoc without someone calling it out for the shit that it was.

But it did, and here I am. You asked for reviews. Now you’re getting them.

If anything, the emotional angst reminds me of...wait for it...

Twilight. Tony went full Edward and Steve Bella. I wonder when the werewolf dude is going to come in and get lusty over a loli. Why not go there?

Inb4 Tony screaming to the Heavens why he didn’t get enough ass from Steve. Gee, bro, maybe it’s because you’re an emo that needs some more MCR in his life? It’s too bad Voldemort isn’t shooting at moronic idiots angstily.
The Fox Familiar chapter 3 . 4/13
Chapters 11-15

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Surprise, surprise, your fellow readers get off to men being physically and emotionally abused. I bet they’re avowed feminists, too, who squirm in their seats whenever there’s a story about a woman being beaten. When men are involved, not an eyelid is batted. Methinks it’s because you women enjoy doing this because it’s a form of revenge. What a rape culture, eh?

“Like he gave a damn about this. Like his soul wasn’t dead.” – Boo fucking hoo, Tony, you did this to yourself. You got drunk, abused a man who didn’t fight back because he didn’t want to hurt you, and you tossed him OUT OF A FUCKING SKYSCRAPER. Then, you tell him it’s all alright, kiss him, and break up because of some fight between the Kree that will never happen and no one will ever actually be in danger. No sympathies for you, asshole.

“He wasn’t proud of how he was treating the soldier” – You know there’s a thing called professionalism. They should follow that code. Everyone is acting like a bunch of teenagers affected by the popular girl’s break-up even when it has no effect on them whatsoever. They have better things to do, so they should STFU and actually do those things instead of bitching like women.

“To protect the only person he loved” – I guess Pepper doesn’t count because she’s a cock-blocker, right? Fuck women. They’re disgusting.

Fury asks Stark if Steve is fit for battle. If he has to do that, then I guess the whole team is screwed. Really. Do they really have to waste their time wondering over who bangs who in the backroom? If they’re going to be that moved by such petty emotion, then I’m surprised the Chitauri couldn’t sneak in a few Colt 45s and strolls along the beach when they were invading New York. A bunch of incompetents, these people are.

Steve is dying from heartbreak and we have the cliché of ‘Doctor Doesn’t Know Whether Hero’s Going to Live’ cliché. Everyone, instead of fighting the Kree, just helps him instead.

Bruce says Tony and he replicated the serum and says seconds later that he didn’t replicate the serum. OK.

Red-blood cells are bombarded with gamma rays with no source for said gamma rays. Where are the rays coming from, then?

Clint asks Bruce if said serum will heal him. Bruce says no and seconds later says it’ll jumpstart his metabolism and push his body past the limits, ergo, rapid healing.

Fucking serums. How do they work?

“He was unbearingly cold” – I guess that’s a common state for him. Also ‘Waking Up from a Coma’ cliché.

Clint gives a speech that the Captain is the best they’ve got despite him not actually being the best they’ve got. Also a cliché.

You write that you feel bad for ‘tugging at (our) heartstrings’ but honestly? No heart strings tugged here. In fact, I’m laughing my ass off. There’s no way you could have thought this was any good. This is ridiculously bad it’s almost worth a dramatic reading. What’s worse is the amount of people that are buying your bullshit. Well, I’m not, and you’re about to get the hammer of truth, my friend.

“He was Tony Stark. He made it a rule of living without regrets” – This is a contradiction because in earlier chapters he has violated this rule many times. No use for him saying it when he admits that he does have regrets.

Seconds later he recants that and says how much he hates himself, his wealth, and intelligence, which isn’t what the real Tony would do unless it was a real, really really bad event that would make him say that. This isn’t one of those times. He’s just being an emo-tastic cutter that should go down the river already.

Unsurprisingly, Captain America is going to fight the Kree warrior and Tony’s going to get all up in a tussle about it. I guess his heartbreak didn’t last long considering that it takes a long time for them to get to the Kree. How anti-climatic. In any case, this continues to sink lower and lower and you still believe that you are ‘getting’ Tony’s character and writing this well. You aren’t.

You don’t understand that Cap’s shield is capable of absorbing all vibrations. When Thor struck it with his hammer, an entire forest was blown backwards, and yet, Steve was unharmed. It withheld the blow of the Winter Soldier’s fist, as well as alien weapons that otherwise would have killed him. Great to see it’s completely useless here.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness” – That’s right, Tony, you don’t.

Steve fights the big alien, has an emotional moment with his waifu, and Bruce injects the green stuff into his arm so he can regenerate and kick some ass. This isn’t at all a cliché.
More fight scenes. Jar-Sing goes Jar Jar Binks and pulls a Whedon with a ‘we shall destroy the Earth!’ proclamation. Also not a cliché.

Clint says that the things that happened with Steve are all Tony’s fault, and he’s right. If it weren’t for Tony going Ted Bundy, Steve wouldn’t be in the predicament he’s in. But fuck logic. That shit sucks.

“How many times have we kicked their asses?” – Once. You’re supposed to be doing it now, Avengers. Lazy asses.

“I was the only one with the power to stop his heart” – Oh, God. No. You didn’t.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFF HAHAHAHA.

Oh, so you’ve worked in EMS? I’d expect so much better out of someone with that sort of training.

But no. I get this piece of shit. More on this in the final review.
The Fox Familiar chapter 2 . 4/13
Chapters 6-10

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You forget that Steve has advanced healing properties. He’d be up and walking in a few hours in what would take other men days. He’s not a puppy to be coddled. He is a man capable of defending himself.

“They turned away from one another in the name of self-preservation” – Hmm. Like you?

“Captain America...you can’t even face down your boyfriend” – Yeah, what’s up with that?

About five paragraphs were focused on the rain coming down. What a waste of page space.

“It really wasn’t working, if he was going to be honest with himself” – Yeah, it isn’t. So glad someone has some common sense.

“He could feel the warmth coming off his skin...his familiar scent” – Hope he used enough Old Spice.

“He really screwed it up this time” – Yes, yes he did.

So these two fight all the time, beating the living shit out of each other and acting like childish brats, and walk away OK and we, the audience, are supposed to believe that?

HAHAHA. No. Tony’s not to be pitied. He put himself in this position. He needs to solve it himself.

A lot of people can go toe-to-toe with Tony. Without the suit he’s just a normal man. If Steve hadn’t intervened, Thor would have crushed him with his bare hands. The Hulk could tear him apart. Hell, Tony wouldn’t stand a chance against Loki if Loki felt the need to be violent.

You write that there is no love between these characters and that they’re in it for casual sex. If that was the case, I might understand, but there is literally no chemistry between these two and they’re together because you, the author, feel the need to put them that way so you can get off. That’s all it is.

“He was painfully aware of his inability to control his raging guilt and anger” – Will you stop making Tony such a damn mope? Come on! This is getting ridiculous!

So, after running his hands through Steve’s hair while he sleeps after he tossed him out of his tower, Tony realizes that he would do anything for that blonde boy wonder. I’m sorry, but...LMFAO! Oh, girl. You honestly expect me to believe that? After all the paragraphs of him telling himself he’s a piece of shit and how much he drinks and whatnot, he suddenly realizes that OMG I WUV U to Steve? Give me a damn break, girl. This is one terrible romance and you know it.

“He just wanted to be able to go to his boyfriend” – Oh, boo hoo. I need a damn tray for all this cheese.

“Like an asteroid rolled in a thunderstorm” – Wat. They...already roll...from their entry into the Earth’s atmosphere...

“If I don’t do my job, the rest of you are in danger” – Well if his internal monologue is anything to go by, this Captain America is a cesspool of bagged up emotions because his boyfriend doesn’t love him. What a shocker. And everyone around him is asking him if he’s fit to go, and if you have to ask Captain America if he’s fit to go, you’re pretty much shooting yourself in the foot. Of course he’s ready to go.

“Something painful seized up his lungs, making it difficult to breathe” – I’M GOING UNDER, DROWNING IN YOU, I’M FALLING FOREVER

Love is killing Steve Rogers? Well geez. Ain’t that something? For a man that shoved him out a skyscraper because he was drunk? That’s some insane thing to love, honey. You know, this entire thing is like an Evanescence song. I’m waiting for Ebony Darkness D’Mentia Raven Way to show up and show all those fucking preps who’s boss.

“(Tony) felt irrational jealousy towards anyone who glanced at Steve sideways” – That’s borderline possessive. And irrational. Tony sure is a burden on the team, isn’t he?

“Steve was not complex” – And in the next sentence you write how he is. Hell, the other chapters contradict this statement. Someone doesn’t know Steve Rogers!

“They’re not fools, Steve” – Yeah, they are. They’re a bunch of dumbasses.

The Kree are invading Earth? Okay...so, where are the Guardians of the Galaxy? Get Peter Quill on the job and things get solved. In honesty I think this is supposed to add conflict to this non-existent plot, and when I am not laughing at the oodles and noodles of MY FEELINGS I am wondering when the real Ironman and Steve are going to show up and kick some ass. Who the Hell are these guys?

“Steve worried at his bottom lip” – That poor lip. Always playing psychiatrist.

“Whatever was going on between him and Tony, there was no way to define it” – What are you talking about? It’s clear from both of their POVs they know EXACTLY what’s wrong. Are they that distant that they don’t even talk to each other? Like discuss their issues? Tell each other to eat shit and die? Not even that? Do you even KNOW how relationships work? I guess not, because you’re too busy writing and reccing bad slashfic. Dear Lord.

“He’d done more damage to his abdomen than his serum could replace easily” – How long has it been? It should have healed by now. He healed quicker when Bucky shot him.

You know when you’re bad when you dedicate half a chapter to answering reviews publicly and admitting you whore for reviews. Everyone is gushing about how great the emotions and interactions are, when in reality, they are mind-numbingly bad.

Predictably, Tony goes ‘Fuck you, I’m done’ to Steve even after kissing him, for reasons we don’t know (I JUST CAN’T BE WITH YOU IT’S TOO DANGEROUS cliché) and Steve’s heart breaks for reasons we don’t know. I assume that after being physically and mentally abused that Steve finally decided to pour his heart out for a man that clearly does not love him and is that much of an asshole – more than he usually is – to treat him in that manner. Steve can’t hold himself together; he whines, cries, and can’t even walk straight without someone else holding him up. That is not Captain America. That is a pussy-whipped man written by a woman driven by her emotions. That’s right. You’re putting yourself into this story. Others might think you’re God’s second blessing, but truth be told, you’re a pretty shitty writer. No one is in character and I’m zipping through these chapters being unsurprised at the so-called twists and turns that are somehow captivating your other half of the audience – the retarded ones that are in it for the sex.

I’m sorry. You said you whored for reviews? Well you’re getting some. Enjoy them, bitch.
The Fox Familiar chapter 1 . 4/13
Chapters 1-5

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I got here through tumblr. Whoever recommended you, you can thank them for sending me to you. On your LiveJournal, you write that you can talk about Steve/Tony all day long, and I guess if that’s all you have to talk about, then you really aren’t that interesting of a person. Let me tell you that I don’t care what you do in your life, or what your opinions are. Your work is public, and therefore, I’m going to have a whale of a time tearing it apart. Let’s start, shall we?

“The first time they slept together, they broke the bed” – That’s certainly a way to start a work! I’m glad Steve went full Edward on Bella – er, Tony, I mean.

“There was nothing healthy about it” – So, why are they together, then? No point in pursuing an abusive relationship. Is this one of those ‘I love him even though he hurts me’ stories?

“They battled like arch enemies” – Ah, the ‘I hate you and I fight you but please fuck me hard’ cliché. Like I haven’t seen that before.

“Steve was not allowed a conversation with a teammate” – Why not? Tony has no control over Steve. He’d know that Steve would kick his ass, and besides, Tony is not abusive. He may act like a cocky SOB, but deep down, he’s a great guy. He wouldn’t hurt anyone that didn’t deserve it. And for some reason, he gives Steve a black eye. May I ask why? You write that he needs to feel in control, but again, that’s not how he acts. For some reason, he resorts to drinking and acting like an abusive asshole, and Pepper isn’t there to help him at all. But we all know she’s a big cock-blocker and his relationship with her would derail this one.

If I swapped the genders and this was a woman Tony was doing this to, you’d be screaming for blood. But when it’s between two men – who are ridiculously OOC, I might add – it’s okay. Oh, well. I know how it’s going to end.

“The world was still trying to unravel the serum that created him” – They’ve been doing that since the 1940’s. You’re a tad bit slow.

Tony pushes Steve out of the Tower and Steve wonders why he’s doing it to him. I don’t know why or when Steve became this stupid, or why he even felt the need to live with Tony Stark at all. I suppose it’s one of those shoe-horned excuses in order to shoe horn the romance. In any case, it doesn’t work, and it makes me roll my eyes whenever I look at it.

“Tony Stark didn’t do love” – No, but he’s fond of getting drunk and tossing his lovers out windows. What a great guy.

“Americans are tacky” – Pepper and Tony are both American. She just said they were both tacky. What a smart gal.

“He was madly in love with Steve” – WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON’T HURT ME, DON’T HURT ME, NO MORE

“You’re really insane, aren’t you?” – You said it, Clint.

“Tony had a possessive streak a mile wide” – He sure does sound like Ted Bundy. Bundy Stark. Fund it.

Clint and Steve are lovers. Not surprised. Because dudebros can’t be friends, am I right?

“How had everything gone so wrong?” – In which the author discusses her own story.

I don’t know. How did it? Maybe it’s because these characters are hopeless incompetents? You tell me!

“He didn’t mean to hurt me” – The more I read, the more this becomes an excuse for domestic violence. Tony is clearly an abusive asshole who drowns himself in alcohol. Pepper doesn’t notice it, others don’t notice it, and he gets pleasure in preying on the weak, which is a thing that Steve hates. Steve, being blinded by love, can’t see that or what’s happening to him and continues to go back to an abusive lover that we readers don’t even know he actually loves, and makes excuses. Again, swap the genders and this would be one depressing story.

Inb4 dream sequences.

Bruce shows up for no reason other than to punch Tony. Way to go, Bruce! He has my props. Props to the Hulk!

The dialogue is very female centric. They aren’t things men would normally say, and border on things that only women find interest in talking about: clothes, sex, clothes, phones, and TV. Tony has stuff to do, like go to conventions and party like a wild animal, and Steve still has to get used to the modern world. He still needs to binge watch Star Wars. Remember?

Guess not.
Guest chapter 16 . 2/26
Please update soon! This story is just...PLEASE UPDATE
TheDarkSideHasCookies101 chapter 16 . 2/16
wow. i thought this was abandoned, i was so surprised to see this update. love your work.
Guest chapter 16 . 2/11
Oh my god. Best fanfiction ever. Please keep writing this masterpiece
surge chapter 16 . 1/18
An old reader here, although I'm too lazy to log in. Although I had to reread the story I am very happy you updated. I love your portrayal of an abusive relationship and how steve denies that he should be treated better and trapped in depression. I love whats going on with clint and Tony here. Hope you chose to update again
Seulement Alors chapter 16 . 1/14
You updated! I've been waiting and re-reading this story, thinking of where you'll take the plot, and you didn't disappoint. Good chapter, and looking forward to the next. Thank you.
LupinandHarry chapter 16 . 1/14
Wow, it certainly has been a very long while. But I'm still glad you put this up. :3 incredible.
Fleur chapter 16 . 1/14
I'm so *BEEP*ing happy! You have no idea how happy i am lol.
Welcome back and thank you for NOT quitting! Great chapter! I'm glad Steve can rest a little, poor thing... Love your Protective!Clint
Can't wait for more, just hope i won't have to wait another year :-p
Hope you're well, and thanks again!
You Light The Sky chapter 16 . 1/14
That was amazingly heartbreaking and just showcases how much the avengers depend on their captain. Wow, thank you so much for this update. I will always adore your story. And i totally understand really long periods of hiatus. How are you doing lately?

Back to the story... i love bruce and natashas little moment and how bruce had to hang on to clinical detachment to help steve. Also love how strong and awesome clint is. Makes me wish things were different.

Only hope that steve will wake up soon. I am kind of scared to know what the hulk serum did to him. It would be kind of ironic if it made him fluctuate between superpowered captain america and the pre serum version of himself.

Thank you thank you for updating again! The world needs more steve whump stories.
MarieP chapter 16 . 1/14
This is freaking gut wrenching! You writing is wonderful...I can FEEL the emotions and the despair. Bravo! Well done! Can't wait for more...
Tacpebs chapter 16 . 1/14
I'm still here! If anyone is a fan, they understand real life happens more importantly than the world of fan fiction. It sucks, but we have to do it. I'm just thankful you remembered us and spent your free time to work on this story. Loved the update. I eagerly and patiently await the next chapter. Barely. Lol.
nightowlv chapter 16 . 1/14
So, so excited to see an update! I was afraid this had been abandoned. The delay is fine with me, though, if it means you'll eventually return and give us more of this wonderful angsty story. I don't have time to read the chapter right now, but I'll come back to read it as soon as I can. I'll try to comment again to leave some feedback regarding the story itself. :)

Also, if you want to message me and share some details about the new job, I'd be interested to know about it. My own RL disappointments have gotten me down lately, so I'm eager to hear about someone else's (good, I hope!) news. For the last few years, I've been stuck in a job that I didn't really want, but I took it because I needed a paycheck (student loans were waiting). And I still haven't been able to find a different job, so I've been very frustrated lately. Reading fic like yours keeps me from going absolutely crazy, as it's a nice distraction from my problems. So, congrats on the new job, but I'm definitely glad you found some time for writing, too!
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