|Reviews for Mission To Observe|
| Erika-moon chapter 7 . 1/13/2013
My goodness, you did a wonderful job here. I like this. Do your best.
| CrisTocK chapter 7 . 6/26/2012
I found whats its bottering me about this story, sakura is too bichy, I know tomoyo is in coma but the original one was caring, sweet, and lovely, here is bossy and mm ugly xD.
the plot is not bad but its depresing, and a somehow slow in some parts and fast in others ( but if that is part of your plan then is alright) but may be you should make sakura and haruhi interacts more. (because this is a crossover but both of the them have cross like six words in 6 chapters?). and keep the "povs" to a minimum as posible, that kind of narrative works better with just one or two. (again if all of this is for setting thing up, no worries)
up until now is sakura centered, but may be a bit more of haruhi will raise the mood
another thing you should change "normal pov" to "general pov" its mmm.. more better? mmm more correct or clean maybe? or grammatically correct at last xD
well over all is a good fanfic, its have room to improve but good to read, I like it (except for emo-sakura xD)
keep the good job, and dont worry, for a third fanfic is very good so just read another fanfics and you know a good writer copy other works xD
so this goes to story alerts
| DemonRaily chapter 6 . 6/5/2012
While there was some minor parts I found a bit rushed, like I said the to much trust with that little information, all in all I can clearly see that this chapter was quite an improvement as well.
In first couple chapter the interactions between the two groups where written quite awkwardly, yet now while much more is still left desired, I can't say the same.
The "Unknown POV" probably mean that you are doing what I suggested, or at least part of it in some way, and that indeed would actually create some actual reason for trust and make the interactions explainable and welcome.
Thou, why would they need to give information to the older Mikuru? After all if the younger Mikuru will know them that would mean that the older Mikuru already did in the past as she actually was part of the events that will happen and would only need to inform her younger self, whose direct superior she is. There is few possibilities that would make her not knowing about what she experienced possible, like memory deletion or her not actually being around the newcomers at all for some reason or another, but honestly I don't think you will go that way with the story. I don't blame you for it thou, time travel is complicated and even best authors there is sometimes get lost in all the cause and effect mechanics when it involves multiple loops of time the characters exists in trough the story when time travel is involved.
Well, Nagato probably already knew they where the good guys from Data Entity that probably has all the recordings of everything that happened on earth for the past 3-4 years, she simply did not inform the rest of the brigade because it was relevant to her observation of Haruhi, and not knowing did not endanger the team. Would be so Nagato XD
| DemonRaily chapter 5 . 6/4/2012
This chapter was best written so far. I do not know, is it the crossover parts you don't do that well, or was it that single encouraging message you received but you did a bit better.
Your characterizations of CCS characters are quite good, yet I fear that when the actual crossover elements will come to play you might regress back to what you did in previous chapters.
I would simply suggest that you would take more time with the character interactions between the different anime, just rethink it few times, re read the dialogue few times and you will see what is needed for both plot and characterization improvement yourself.
| DemonRaily chapter 4 . 6/4/2012
I believe you neither understand the meaning of the word "flaming" nor the purpose of the review system in the first place.
Criticism, even harsh one is not a flame, for it is an act with constructive intentions, I would rather be truthful than sensitive. A flame is created with destructive intent, it has nothing to offer at all, it does not even point out what you are doing wrong or if you are doing something wrong, it's just insults mostly targeting the author rather that the story itself.
And with this we come to the reason the review system exists. The word "review" in itself should say it all, it is for the purpose of truthful criticism and observations of the readers, for all the aspects, not only the good ones.
The belief that if in something you find a smallest bit of something you are against of you should pretend you never seen anything and walk away, as it was put by "the dreamer" is juvenile at best and idiotic at worst. After all you will not spill a barrel of vine if there is some bits of aftertaste you dislike, you try to fix the situation instead. If you see a blind man walking towards a cliff, you do not just turn around and pretend you saw nothing, you alert that man. The same is with this situation, nothing more nothing less.
How are you going to ever improve as a writer if you will run away from any and all critique? The answer is, you will not.
I am not saying you should stop writhing, you rather should take the critique to heart and try to improve what ever are you dong next time.
| Erika-moon chapter 4 . 5/27/2012
Please continue with the fanfic, I really want to see what happens next. Please continue, I'm new to fanfic, I can tell your having a hard time. Doing a crossover sure is a lot of work. Please update soon, I want the authors I review to, be happy with there work on fanfiction net. Good luck, I wish the best of luck for you.
| DemonRaily chapter 3 . 5/24/2012
The way you tried to explane the need Haruhi had to invite them was not so good. The idea itself is posible, but the way it was presented into the conversation was bad.
The entire way you made Sakura handle it was just crying "we are the enemies". They give some vague nonsense and the brigade just goes whit it? Even more acting like they are the new kings of the hill, and even if they have some prof of magic, they have none to show that they are the good guys at all as they are some unknown faction to the rest of them. Plus even their magic could be replicated by data entity with no problem.
For that I would personaly sugest Mikuru time travel plot device. After all she could be able to call her superiors and confirm if they are saying truth. It's a lazy way to do things but you are not good enough to use more comlicated plot devices for now. Well, no one is born perfect. So I hopn you will imrove whit time as well.
Sorry if the review is full of errors, using cell phone is not the best way to review...
| DemonRaily chapter 2 . 5/11/2012
"Hey you know, Kyon? This two new students are quite mysterious! I am gonna invite them into SOS Brigade!"
Now that was lame start, can one even be less crative than that in this situation? No, I dont really think so.
So far I feel disapointed by the story. A good start is half the job done, and you don't realy have a good start...
| DemonRaily chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
"The purpose, the objectives are to help the alien, time-traveller and esper control her powers. When it get out of control" he said.
Yet all those said factions they represent all have their own intrests, most would betray one another at the first posibility. The espers ar religious nutjobs, the aliens wants for Haruhi to actualy snap and time travelers would kill you in cold blood if it means they get to preserve their future.
I just hope you will not take the easy way and make it light hearted.