|Reviews for Step Right Up|
| INS4NEKAZUMA chapter 1 . 11/27/2012
The only negative criticism i can give is adding how she had gotten with and had broken up again with ash. That seems to left field and out of character for marcie. And finn reacting more like "oh hey she is single!" Rather than protective as usual. It almost doesn't have to be used at all. Perhaps you wanted marcie to be more sympathetic at the moment but they just mention it and it is dropped. Aside from that decent character development and nice dialogue. As a side note i am pretty sure you could cut down on the stuttering in finn's dialogue and show more nervous body language to make it less repetitive. This is something i would like to read a continuation of. Feel free to pm me for more in depth analysis.
| AshofthedecendingTransmutation chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
Yay! It's finally on here! :D But I saw that persons review...
Dear whoever you are, this was NOT an rp! We actually wrote this ourselves. o.o Just saying...
| LunaIsBestPrincess chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
I liked this. It was obviously a role play that you turned into a story but there's no that I liked how this story was realistic and could happen 't a vampire. Oh, Jake. You are weird. Nice story and sorry for the wall of words I just shoved in your face but its always nice long reviews on a first story.