|Reviews for Back in Time|
| EverRose808 chapter 3 . 4/23/2013
Please update soon? I love your story! Also what does tanafriti mean?
| SarahSultana chapter 3 . 3/29/2013
Just stumbled across this story and I really enjoyed it! I really like how it has original dialogue too, and doesn't just repeat every single line from the movie. I hope you continue writing this story! I would love to read another update! :)
| PadawanCassy chapter 3 . 1/7/2013
That was really good, I'm curious to see where it goes. So please keep up the wonderful work and post more soon.
| NoLife-QueenCarly chapter 3 . 12/26/2012
i love this story so far i hope i like it even more good work
| ThePhantomismyLove chapter 3 . 8/25/2012
please write more
| Mrs. Barnes chapter 3 . 8/2/2012
Oooo! You have certainly got my attention! Both storylines seem very interesting. Keep up the good work and update soon!
| Azera-v chapter 3 . 7/17/2012
Great story hope you continue it.
| RebelxPunk chapter 3 . 7/9/2012
Write more please!
| Brunette chapter 3 . 6/6/2012
Alright, so usually I'm much better and review every chapter, but I'm heading off to bed, so I lazily decided to review all three at once.
I appreciate your storytelling. While your chapters are short, you do make a good effort at describing what's going on, and the first two chapters are gratefully void of movie dialogue. I know it's unavoidable, so the fact that it's pretty minimal in the second chapter is also nice.
I don't have any strong likes/dislikes concerning your OC. She hasn't whipped out a sword or made obnoxious, stupid comments yet, so I don't hate her. If she spoke or read some ancient Egyptian, I could accept it since she actually earned her degree in egyptology.
So while she's not in any way offensive, she's not a big stand-out, either. She's not an Evy-clone, but she could easily slip into being one, having the same interests (please, PLEASE don't give her Evelyn's dialogue. Resist it). I'm interested to see how her personality comes out in the different situations that happen in the story.
I'm also curious how an Egyptian woman attended high school (I don't think that was the term used in the 1920's, but I can't say I know what the proper term is) in Great Britain. I assume she's not Muslim, since she doesn't dress the part. Neither of these elements of her character are implausible. I'm just very curious about her past and who she is.
In all honesty, this story has been done before, but you're not doing it poorly or sloppily. You take care with your characters and dialogue, even though you could spend a little more time on descriptions here and there. I don't mind a used plotline (As I recall, there's less than 10 basic plotlines in the whole world of literature), especially if you're going to continue to put effort into it and (hopefully) make it something new from the movie.
On a different note, you really should do a little read-through and catch your grammatical wording errors. Some examples (that I honestly giggled at):
"With a nod she nodded to her reflection..."
(There's a few other spots throughout the story that are redundant that way)
"...before taking a strand of her back hair and examining it..."
(I'm sorry. I keep laughing, because this literally sounds like she has long hair growing from her back, and I don't think that's what you meant by that.)
There are also several places were you use phrases like "the woman" and "the Egyptian woman" when, for simplicity's sake, you should just use "she" and "Lorene."
Overall, this is a nice piece and a promising start to the "OC the movie" plotline. I'll keep an eye on it.
| R chapter 2 . 5/19/2012
Cool story. I love that movie. Oh and Love Ya too ... wait I don't even know you. Meh, whatever your awesome.
| belladu57 chapter 2 . 5/19/2012