|Reviews for TCUTK3: Breaking in Two|
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/18/2012
The visual effect of the italics and bold text almost made me backspace immediately out of this as it didn't appeal to my eyes (each to our own tastes, yes?)
I had the page set on 1/2 col which I find the easiest page style to read. A lot of paragraphs were one line long. My eyes kept searching for something denser - how would you feel about expanding on some of your sentences, building more imagery into them, developing the character's thoughts and feelings a little more?
Yes - walls of text seem to attract just as many complaints - but having a page of paragraphs regularly three, four, five sentences in length won't hurt, I think. (This gives the added advantage of making the short ones stand out or gives them emphasis - which can be a handy literary device sometimes.)
I did read the intro. I'm happy to read character indexes in large novels, but am not inclined to want to read story keys for online stories. Your story, your rules, but (and this is just the opinion of one reader) providing a key for how I should read the story didn't help me - in fact, it confused me before I even got to the story.
I am a fan of simplicity and things looking sleek - even writing.
Do you need this key? I can't speak for everyone but many readers will be familiar with how italics are traditionally used in stories. Use of bold formatting is found less in printed text (I think); bold, along with CAPS, are more commonly seen online - but I'd challenge if they are anything more than a visual crutch, or if they achieve anything more than italics.
Even then, many writers have been able to get away with minimal use of italics (which when I see I understand to indicate spoken/thought emphasis or complete character thoughts).
I like that you don't use dialogue tags on every sentence. Coming after just trying to read another story where every dialogue sentence was tagged, I really appreciated that. (The other story - in another fandom - sounded very unnatural to me - once again though, different strokes for different folks, hey?)
Spelling looked fine - it's always nice to be able to read something and not be drawn out of it by typos.
This seemed like the start of an exciting story - good luck with it. The things that draw me out of it and ultimately swayed my decision not to read anymore were presentation and the minimalist-style description. I can't speak for everyone, but I wonder if you might encourage even more readers to stick with your story if you focus on elements which enhance the general look of the page.
Ultimately, you have to be happy with how things look, but maybe asking readers what they tend to look for (literally) in a story and looking at the stories you like and working out if there are any presentation styles they have which you can try, could be of benefit to you.
As I can only reiterate - only you can decide what's right for your story. I offer these thoughts to give you an idea of how one reader reacted.
| Lazyboredom chapter 2 . 10/11/2012
Your sentence structure and pacing are excellent, and the emotions are conveyed I feel the way you meant them to. The descriptions were perfect in length, long enough to imagine the scene but not long enough to feel like you're dragging on the sentence.
A slightly annoying thing for me is the formatting, since most lines rarely have more than 2 sentences them, so you end up jumping lines often. Personally the dialogue, which might be solved with fixing the formatting, also seems to be jumping all over the place.
| MewLunaHigurashi chapter 3 . 10/7/2012
Forget my question! I understand. TCUTK. Very intelligent, Cheerfullbuny!
| MewLunaHigurashi chapter 2 . 10/7/2012
Sorry, but... What is TCUTK3? I only played trauma center under the knife. I a code of other game? say me, please!
| TraumaticVampiress chapter 1 . 6/11/2012
Hey, I like this chapter!
I'm going to continue to read it
| cypruseyes chapter 6 . 5/24/2012
Just read about last chapter and I like it so far
Angie's jealousy was understandable for me. Derek was really caring about his patient though...
Really curious to read next chapt! Keep writing cherfullbunny, I'll be waiting for it!
| chrisosullivan82yahoo.com chapter 1 . 5/22/2012
Good chapter gonna read more:)
| cypruseyes chapter 3 . 5/10/2012
My fist reaction when I read this chapter was "What?"
Lol •(̯)• . Didn't think that Angie was beat Derek in that hard way. Hahaha
But, since you said that he's still alive, I'm really curious what is the next chapter about. Keep it up!
I still following your story ( ̯͡ ̯͡)
| cypruseyes chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
I think your story is better than before. I like this story
Angie and Derek relationship was so cute •(̯)•
Hope you updated more
| Indochine chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Hey, if you think it's a waste of time, don't do it then! :)
But that's so much better like that, I have the feeling that I'm more living the story! :)
Do as you wish, okay? DOn't force yourself but I saw you wrote longer chapters too!
And the little Derek/Angie moment are fun!