|Reviews for Close Enough|
| kaname's harisen chapter 1 . 8/18/2013
Oh, wow! This was breathtaking!
| Lazebe chapter 1 . 2/18/2013
Very important to note. Anyways, wonderful job considering Korra wasn't in the story. It's pretty cool how he is enthralled with Korra so much that he has to resort to this.
| KadieBella chapter 1 . 8/17/2012
Whenever I hear or see the words close enough, I think of the rage face.
| ChinkyBella chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
only if it were really her :( but i love it :D
| Anne andrews chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
I really liked this! Nothing sexier than wanting what you cant have
| k-su chapter 1 . 5/31/2012
omg HITTING MY OBSESSION KINK IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES.
this is truly amazing :") please write soon again
| therentyoupay chapter 1 . 5/17/2012
I've been telling myself all day that I was going to finally get in here and read some of the fic that you mentioned in your message, but like I said, I've honestly been too scared to foray into anything related to LOK fandom without finishing my sequel first (which, by the way, has now become a TWO-SHOT, what the hell)... and it was only on a whim that I decided to risk potential plot contamination by checking out what current mature Tahnorra fics were in the works... so imagine my excitement when I saw your penname attached to the very first fic at the bottom of the list!
And lady, I was not disappointed. What a delicious concept. The opening line provides the right balance of intrigue and tone-setting, and your following lines give a very clear indication of where the story is going so the reader isn't left in the dark for very long, which actually helps build the tension that you're looking for. I also love the moment that he's able to repeat himself again ("Go for it.") and plus, I adore the word "graze." (Heads up, I'm pretty sure "earlobe" is one word, but that's hardly noticeable.) I really like what you were able to do with this girl's character-her societal pressures not only help build a clear platform for Tahno's superior social reputation and sexual prowess, but also indirectly create an interesting dynamic in proving how special Korra is by having caught his attention-a rather presumptuous and arrogant mentality, yeah, but it's Tahno, and he makes it hot. :D
One thing I would encourage is adding a little more to your setting-I'm always surprised at how much more clearly I'm able to picture a scene (and ultimately, enjoy it!) when there is just a touch more detail. For example, I'm currently reading an AU Naruto fic that is Persephone/Hades retold and the woman herself is a goddess of setting description. Sometimes it can actually get a bit TOO wordy for my tastes (there are paragraphs devoted to filigree swirls, I kid you not), and I'll admit that at times I will skip over her lengthy set-up, but it's really helped me understand the importance of setting the mood before diving into the dialogue and action, and connecting the reader with the moment that you're allowing them to witness.
A couple of nit-picky things that honestly might just come down to personal preference, but that you might also find helpful:
"from the depths of her diaphragm"
In this sentence, "diaphragm" seems a bit too technical for the scene you're trying to create, and it cuts into the flow of all of the other beautiful language you're using. Try finding another way of explaining the steps Kala has to take to find this part of herself and keep the sexual momentum going! Maybe something along the lines of "the back of her throat," especially if you're going for "gutteral."
"Tahno smirks momentarily"
The word "momentarily" throws me off a bit! I'd take it out and just leave it at "Tahno smirks before crushing his mouth against hers." I understand that you want to give the reader pause, but you could easily use this as an opportunity to describe the smirk and let your words do the time-passing for you. How is he smirking in that moment? Deviously? Heavily? Fox-like? Is he pleased? Etc., etc.
Ahaha, this is so picky, so please don't worry about this at all if you really like how this word fits. I've found that I only use "eyebrows" in very specific contexts, and most of the time I prefer the "brow." There is just something much more fluid about describing "a sable brow" instead of "a sable eyebrow," but that's just my opinion.
"He welcomes the action happily"
More nit-pickiness! If you and I are anything alike in terms of writing habits, I think I can imagine the frame of mind you were in while writing this, and I can understand why "happily" might have fit. However, from the reader's perspective, I'm not sure "happily" is exactly what you were looking for. Since you use "hungrily" later on in the fic, perhaps you could use "eagerly," "breathlessly," "fiercely," "fervently," "impatiently," or "readily?"
"he reciprocates with a more brusing kiss, a rougher grind, a harder grasp."
I LOVE THIS LINE. I mean, I'm a sucker for these "stream of consciousness" lists that just lay everything out there without any proper usage of conjunctions and I abuse them all the time, but THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ARE THEY NOT? I think this is one of my favorites of the whole thing.
"Close enough," she thinks, as she wraps a leg around his waist.
LIES. THIS IS MY FAVORITE.
Overall, this was a great idea and you spun it all together in a very small but powerful package that packs a punch. I can't wait to read what else you've written (as soon as I finish my stuff, I promise D:) and see what else you've rec'd! (I'm dying to dig in, man.) This has the right balance of "Tahno, the sexual deviant" and "Tahno, the sleaze" and "Tahno, the guy who thinks he'll be immune to Korra's charm, but doesn't have a chance because, man, is he already slipping," and opens up plenty of other opportunities for follow-up or companion fics. Does Korra have a similar experience in which she begins to subconsciously notice things that remind her of him? Does Tahno finally get his moment of heat with Korra, only to find that it was a dream? Does Korra notice the patterns in Tahno's partner choices? Love it, love it, love it all.
I hope this was at least a little bit helpful and that you keep working on that Tahnorra smut! :D I want, please.
| deathrosekitty chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
Poor Tahno. Eventually those girls would lose their appeal.
| lostleaves chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
I loved this.
At first, I was confused, but this is what I think - the girl he's with isn't really Korra. He's just OBSESSING over Korra - finding any girl who looks like her and forcing them to act like her to satisfy his Korra fetish c;
Well that's awfully clever. Props.
| JellyBeanBeam chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
All my love; it's yours. Please to be writing more ; w ;
| TamedTempest chapter 1 . 5/9/2012
Tahno...grosses me out, he's a sleaze, in short i love to hate him. I do like fics involving him, I enjoy the creativity.
I can see him being this obsessive and creepy.
Well written and fun!
| ZutarianNaiad chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
Saw this on AO3, and freaking loved it there. Just gotta appreciate it when people hit that obsessive, unwanted suitor thing.
| Firework chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
I'd love more.
| Sophie chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
Loved this :D Please keep writing :D
| Seniya chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
This is soooo my new OTP. That voice is too delicious for wors! Great fic!