Reviews for Origins of Aizen Sosuke
Mr. Honesty chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Sakura wants to be acknowledged. Making major characters like them so flat, and narrow minded makes the fic predictable. No one is born evil. Not even Aizen; he did all he could for his people. He thought the Shinigami King was oppressing them, but... you know. Check out author Maneyan, he gives. Detailed explanation why you shoudn't bash, its in his bio. Lastly, Sarutobi would not trust anyone that just randomly befriended konoha's Jinchuuriki. Lastly, your grammar. It needs to improve for your fic to be good. But you're not tge worst. Check out sentence structire and character dialogue on the web. And don't add author notes in the middle of the fic. Its distracting.

Really hope this helps and that you don't misunderstand my intentions, you seem sincere enough.

Best of Luck!
Mr. Honesty chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
EEEEEVVVIIIIIILLLLL. Do not make him cooperative, it's OOC. And almost ... the bashing. Sasuke is not that arrogant. He saw his family slaughtered over and over and over by his brother, his idol. Sasuke trains every day, he's not weak. Sakura is insecure, and whants
Guest chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Sorry! Accidentaly pressed the button.

As I was saying, a character must have t..ime to grow. You skipped what could have allowed much character development between Naruto and Yoruichi. Remember that Shinigami take YEARS to master their power. Naruto is not Ichigo. He does not gave the motivation(family dieing) that Ichigo had to improve. Ichigo also satted out with a dummy zanpakuto, so don't give Naruto one of your own creation. If you do, don't focus too much on it, readers don't want to know about original creations, just what's in fandom, so be careful. Next, Kurama is EEEEEVIIIIIILLLLLL
Mr. Honesty chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Love it. Hate it. Let me explain, Jarl.

You have an awesome plot bunny; that's the only reason I clicked the fic. However, there were several things that torn me off as reader. First, never state that your summary sucks; it makes reader know you're new to this, makes them go: "Lol teh n00b zuxz!11!"

Second, I like long chapters, but you put too much into a single one. And when you included Aizen getting Gin and Ichigo's power, it could make some readers think your Aizen is an over-powered Mary Sue, even if that's not true. Sousuke's defeat could have been a prologue in itself. Yoruichi meeting Naruto and nurturing him might have been an entire arc. Oh, and I doubt a lonely child like Naruto would actually trust and like someone that stabbed him. You made him too strong, too fast; in order for a charecter
Naginator chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Nice look forward to more hope it becomes a naruto/yuroichi
NZ chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Heh, not back Jarl! I wrote something similair a few months back its called Guilty God and its quite a bit darker, but still...Jolly good job on this and I hope to see more soon S
The High Demon Lord chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
I like the idea behind this story...

Please continue it
KingOfTheIceLord chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
A llttle disappointed about Hogyoku, but I understand. To many plot holes. Anyway, good start to this fic. Can't wait to read more.
Nara110 chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
It was gd i lk fored to the next chapter i hope u update sn.
3master chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
I like the pairing so far. Are you gonna do a harem? If so can you Mei from Kiri, Samui and Yugito from Kumo, and Konan from Akatsuki. No konoha pairings if your gonna do a harem cuz this new naruto is more like a calm and collective type and the girls in konoha won't match him, maybe kurenai, yugao, and maybe hana.
Uber Ghidorah chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Aw, Hogyoku was an awesome story. Oh well. Perhaps it will be picked up one day.

Anyways, this story is pretty good as well. It looks pretty interesting. I'm interested in if Yoruichi will find out what Naruto would become or how he became Aizen.
OregonDucks chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
I really like it
vanetsu chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
i like the idea of this story but honestly other than that its too early to get a good feel for anything else and im also curious if hell be in the same old team 7 or a new team.
ddcj1990 chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Sweet you did a great job with this chapter I really like it alot
Silber D. Wolf chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
great chapter
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