Reviews for Tintin and Eleanor
Lily chapter 4 . 1/16/2013
Hey Mary! I don't have an account here, but can I ask and tell you something? OK here are my questions to ASK
1. Can you make me a Tintin fanfic? Its a Tintin/OC
This is what I have to TELL
This is a very good fanfic and I like your plot so far. I like your still of writing. And this is what I want the fanfic to be about.
I takes place during the movie the Adventures of Tintin. In the beginning he meets a girl named Dana. She is the same age as him and is a reporter for the newspaper. She meets Tintin in the beginning and they go on the same adventure in The Adventure of Tintin. It takes place during the movie of course. And Dana is a very shy girl who isn't good at making friends. She loves writing and thats why shes the editer of the newspaper. She is skinny and an inch smaller than Tinitn. She is adventurous, mysterious, and curious. She loves to explore and when shes older, she wants to run her own newspaper company. Also, she begins to like Tintin in the middle of the series do to when she discovers how brave and kind she is. At first, she though he was too annoying and like another adult to protect her. Dana's father was killed by an assasin and her mother is too ill and Tintin feels really bad for her and wants to help her. But Dana believes she doesn't need a boy's help. Later, she finds out how much she needs Tintin. She also has a cat named Maddy. I hope youll be able to do it and hope its not alot for you. I did enjoy your fanfic and please UPDATE
Pink-Pencil-Girl303 chapter 4 . 9/20/2012
Hi there! I am so sorry for not reviewing before now, especially after such a warm 'thank you' for my last review in your author's notes (which really made me smile, by the way). I'm back in school now (yuck) and the homework and books to read and all that stuff has me completely swamped. Unfortunately, when I'm busy, the things that go by the wayside are writing and reviewing stories on FF net. But here I am now! And I want to say that having my review compared to a letter from HERGE/SPIELBERG was awesome. :D
As for this chapter, I see some great improvements along with a progression of your plot (which the story needed). There was a considerable amount more characterisation, as in emotion and humour in the dialogue, so we see more of the characters. I really like Eleanor's mechanic's crew. "That's about the size of it, pal." Hahaha! I love that! I have to agree with Daniella the muggle that high-fiving isn't so much a greeting thing, but you could've had that funny moment after Tintin had jumped in and turned that valve, because then they would've had a reason to congratulate him. Anyways, there's a lot of comic opportunity with those girls, and they give Eleanor support and show character through her interactions with them. Very good.
I do have a suggestion; your story could move faster. That whole pipe fiasco and Tintin's discovery could've happened a chapter ago, to be honest. But this is where it's up to you; it's your story, your writing style, and if you like the pace of your story that's perfectly fine. The only reason I bring it up is because this is a Tintin story, and by nature they favour advancement of the plot over humour and kind interactions between the characters. It's a difficult balance, certainly, but the trick is to sprinkle those things within the action. I want to add that you did a great job describing the climactic action of this scene. :)
I love the adorable conversations you have with your characters in the Author's Notes. :3 And I'm very excited for the next chapter, to see where you're going with the re-appearance of Reginald. Please update soon and I'll try my very hardest to review sooner! :)
Daniella the muggle chapter 4 . 9/9/2012
Wait... I don't think Americans, or anybody else for that matter, high-five a person when they greet them. They high five when they congratulate them, think they're cool or something positive has happened. "Way to go! Good job! High five!" There are other really confusing bits around the fanfic. I don't know who was the one shouting "Get Lost!" If you established it, it'd be less confusing. And I'm a bit confused about the setting. Can you describe the place a bit more? Also, "Tintin had made it to the Chemical Works... and was before a once again very busy Eleanor." How busy exactly? What was she doing anyway? Was she so busy she was covered in oil? Can you give out more details? Don't be so broad. Describing things actually allow not only to give a setting, but to describe a situation. Let's say "It felt like an oven that day. Not a cloud in the sky." It not only describes a boiling hot sunny day, but it describes great tension, red hot light, lack of anything cool or calm, etc. But don't describe unnecessary things either. "Then it was time for me to go. So I picked myself up, climbed up the hill, where I saw a flower on the side of the car. I unlocked the car, opened the door, entered the car, closed the door, turned on the car..." I mean, this is just ridiculous! Don't be too detailed, but don't be too broad. Describe what you need to establish, not only for the setting but also for the tone and mood of the scene.

Other than that, I really liked the scene when Eleanor is fixing the damage and Tintin is there to help. It was well done and well described.

Also, you don't have to do this, but if you've read Land of the Soviets, it'd be fun if you gave a little nod to that: Tintin did build a car out of spare parts and an engine, and also fixed a car. Yes, Eleanor isn't a car mechanic specifically, but it's still mechanics. You don't have to make a full scene or anything. Just mention it briefly if you want to. I usually write longer reviews, but I think Pink-Pencil-Girl303 is doing that job for me this time.

It's a good fanfic. I really like Eleanor.
Pink-Pencil-Girl303 chapter 3 . 9/1/2012
This was a good solid chapter, and I saw some important character development on the part of Eleanor. We now know that though she's shy, she's by no means easily frightened, because she's willing to sleep in her house alone even though there may be men out after her. She simply a very practical and logical person. You've done an awesome job painting a picture of her for us. I also really like all the handshakes that Eleanor does, especially the one with Tintin at the end of the chapter. It's like her default gesture. This is both really funny and a great idiosyncrasy for her. Along with adjusting her glasses, that's great too. You really take advantage of her idiosyncrasies, and the ones she inserts into her dialogue, too. That's great! There are few other things I'd like to touch on, though, if you don't mind.

The first is dialogue, because I detect some weakness in the dialogue of this chapter. Dialogue is very difficult to write because it has to be to-the-point, yet reveal character. I think too much of your dialogue beats around the bush. Your characters need to reach conclusions faster and avoid unnecessary interactions. If it's not important to the advancement of character, and it's not important to the advancement of plot, then don't include it. For example, "So, I believe that we have a few things to talk about, Tintin?" Eleanor asked." This is obvious. If Tintin wanted to meet with her, then they have things to talk about. Also, all the pleasant small talk is unnecessary, unless you are trying to reveal something about Eleanor's politeness. In which case, you don't need so much evidence. Stuff like this, ""Thank you very much for having me over." "Not at all." Eleanor stuck out her hand again to Captain Haddock. "It was very nice meeting you," she said pleasantly. "Likewise, lass." You need to speed this stuff along, because it's just plain boring to read.

And the dialogue that could be exciting, like when they're figuring out the villains could be way ahead of them [scary thought], you don't exploit the drama. I mean, they're all three of them in grave danger! This is scary stuff! But everyone's just smiling and going on like they're discussing the latest footie scores. We need to see more drama and suspense here. And when Tintin's walking Eleanor home, there's a perfect opportunity to paint an ominous backdrop; glittering black pavement, shadows in the alleyways, dark buildings leaning over them. You need to build up some dramatic tension, because when it bursts, it's all the more intense.

The second thing I wanted to talk about was lack of description in your story. You do a nice job of describing HOW character's say their dialogue, but what are they DOING as they say it? Take advantage of the setting of the conservation. So they're in a hotel room - does anyone sit down? Maybe Tintin offers Eleanor some tea? Does anyone look out the window, pick at the lint on an armchair, lean forward in their seat? You need to be painting a picture of the conversation, not just relaying the dialogue. This description thing goes for everywhere else, too. Tintin and Eleanor do a lot of walking outside. So what's the weather like? Weather is great. Once you realise you can exploit the weather to your advantage, it's like you really can play God with your story world. You control the weather, so what's it doing? Raining? Threatening to rain? So sunny it's too bright to look up? The weather and atmosphere in general can really give a scene a mood and transport the reader.

Wow umm... how did this review get so long? heheh I should probably post this now before I have to start calling it a novella. Please don't be offended by any of my suggestions, I'm just hoping to helpful, but I don't mean to say your writing is bad. It's really good! And I'm really enjoying this story. I only write long, involved reviews for stories I really like, trust me.

Oh! One more thing! The conversation between you and your characters at the beginning of the chapter was adorable. ;) Okay, I'm done now. Please update soon and I hope my advice can help you somewhat! :)
Daniella the muggle chapter 2 . 6/7/2012
What an awesome fanfic!

Eleanor is so sweet! A mechanic? That's a clever idea. It could really work. Maybe she could be working with Professor Calculus (if you're familiar with the comics. Calculus doesn't appear in the movie, but I hope he does in the sequel). It's interesting to have a shy girl this time around in a Tintin fanfic. I wanna know what happens next!
Flora11 chapter 2 . 5/16/2012
Great story! I can't wait to read the next chapter! Keep up the good work. I particularly like the personality of Elenor. It's a different personality,(in a good way of course) which is a nice change.

Peace out Flora11.
Pink-Pencil-Girl303 chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
Wow, there's a lot of things I really like about this beginning! For one thing; Eleanor! :D Could your friend have set up a more perfect OC for Tintin? I think not. Eleanor is a GREAT character, she is strong and smart but not 'stereotypical feminist', her emotions [particularly fear] are very realistic, and her personality is so likeable yet she steers clear of the Mary Sue category! :D Good job! The villains were deliciously evil and creepy... awesome.

One thing I do suggest; tell your friend she should really read the comics! Not only because they are TOTALLY AWESOME, but because reading the comics is the only way you will really be able to understand Tintin's character the best. They did a pretty good job with him in the movie [and they made him super hot! 8D] but the comics are too entertaining and important to the Tintin fandom to ignore. If you friend really likes Tintin, she will love them, trust me! Don't start out with the very first one, though [Tintin in the Land of the Soviets]. It's not very reflective of the series, and it's a little strange.

Anyway, tell your friend the beginning to this story is awesome and to please write more! :D I want to see more Eleanor!
Maddi Paige chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
OHMYGOD. Pure Epic-ness.
9764321Poppy Princess123456789 chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Nice story. (: Can't wait to find out what happens to Eleanor. Tell your friend I hope she updates soon!