|Reviews for Avatar of Victory|
| stark40763 chapter 9 . 9/9/2012
Woo! Way to go Tali! I'm sure Shep would be proud of you, especially since she couldn't do it herself...
Also, if the Protheans all acted like Sajuuk did, it's no wonder they lost the War. Hopefully Shepard learns from their mistakes...
| Azrael Duke chapter 9 . 9/5/2012
Garrus calls Shepard out on being a jerk.
Alenko advises Shepard to temper herself.
Liara once again gets to probe Shepard's mind (And this time, she didn't have to pee).
We get an example of Korra as an adult that's just awesome.
We see Sajuuk and company again, talking about the Catalyst.
Legion gets N7 armor dropped on his head (Hilarious).
And Tali becomes a waterbender, AND punches out the Reporter Bitch.
Oh, and once again the Consort mind-f!$#s Shepard, albeit unintentionally this time.
All in all, a very good chapter - But I have to wonder what happened to Shepard's sister. It does explain something of how she treats Tali'zorah, though.
| delta7 chapter 8 . 9/4/2012
I am very happy that you updated this story. I do have a question. In chapter 1 Shepard said that she couldn't bloodbend, but this chapter shows that she can. Is there an explanation? I like the Codex entries as well and I hope that you continue writing.
| Hydroplatypus chapter 1 . 9/2/2012
While this story is well written, for some reason I simply don't like it. Looking at any given element It seems to work well, but when put together something just seems off. I can't figure out what it is however, so I won't be much help in that regard. I will not continue with this story. Sorry.
| Italian Yakuza chapter 8 . 9/1/2012
I have to say the story is Awesome but I wish you put more Bending action in there. It seems like you're putting less bending as if you think it's unnecessary and more gunfire. Plus it would be nicer to see Shepard bend more than use her gun. Not to mention I would like to see her bend fire and earth too dude. I mean firebending and earthbending are awesome but why don't you write it in?
| voidblade6 chapter 4 . 8/24/2012
Hey don't mock asshole shepard thats the best kind by the way. The second best is psycho unhinged shep the third ADD "I need my adderal" Shepard.
| Mattmaster112 chapter 8 . 8/22/2012
So if benders can't biotic, and biotics can't bend, how come asari can bend?
| AlleluiaElizabeth chapter 8 . 8/22/2012
Ok, everyone had their moments this chapter, but Jack and Tali were just Bad. Ass. :D
I loved Jack's fight with that poor, reaperized Inusannon. It was a real knock down, drag out battle. And some absolutely awesome biotics were on display. And Jack's determination is just... I mean, wow. Just wow.
I do wonder why you decided to change her name to Jackie? I don't recall it being referred to like that before this chapter, though that could just be my faulty memory. Even if it was, though, why the change from Jack? I guess its the same reason you changed Ashley's: to make it work with the Avatar world? Jack's already got a nordic theme to her last name, though, so her name was already out of place. I'm not knocking the decision to change the first name, necessarily. Just asking about the reasoning.
Anyway, moving on to the other badass of the chapter, Tali. From the "Plant zombies!" to the flamethrower and invention of the omniblade, she just kept being awesome this chapter. She near saved the Normandy single-handed. I mean, she was just amazing.
I especially loved the details regarding Tali. The omniblade being one of her inventions. "Uncle Han" Garrel getting a mention. And the folk music! THAT was really cool. :D
Also, I was initially taken aback by the Tali/Kaidan thing when you introduced it. However, I have to admit, I am really kinda loving it now. It had never occurred to me before, but its adorable. And with the way you write, I'd honestly love to see something actually come of it now.
So yeah, like I said, everyone had their moments this chapter. Wrex was a joy, as usual. Garrus was great with his sarcasm in the face of death.
Ash had her moments, but I am most definitely gonna remember her as the one who shot Legion. :/ Speaking of which, poor Legion. His part was awesome, but I was most definitely not expecting him to get shot here and now. I am not ashamed to say I yelled at my screen when that happened.
Liara was still adorable, particularly with Shiala at the end. Makes total sense she'd want her own "copy" of the cipher, too. Her biotics were cool as she vaulted the Thorian. I do feel bad that Liara is going to have to deal with the repercussions of her first kill. Mindless clone or not, it still showed self awareness as it died.
I loved how you upgraded the mission on Feros. And how you fit the Thorian in to the Avatar universe was neat to read. I love the hints you keep giving us about the greater mysteries in this story yet to be unraveled. :D
Last thing I want to say: more codex entries, please. :) Those are really cool.
Looking so forward to the next chapter. :D
| theBSDude chapter 8 . 8/21/2012
I'd never connect the inusann to the Thorian before...
| delta7 chapter 7 . 8/20/2012
I continue to love this story. I hope in the next chapter we will see more of the Avatar elements of the story. Keep up the good work.
| gaara king of the sand chapter 1 . 8/15/2012
this is a amazing story i hop to finish it soon but i'm not making any promises till next message bye
| AlleluiaElizabet chapter 7 . 8/10/2012
I realized that I forgot to add one of my favorite moments from this chapter in my review: Garrus talking Shepard down when she was about to kill Lizbeth. It could allow for some interesting parallels with Sidonis later on. (Assuming you have things happen similar to the game there, of course.) And interaction likes that fleshes out their relationship to each other even more. Garrus is one of my favorites so character/relationship development is always good to see.
| AlleluiaElizabeth chapter 7 . 8/10/2012
I liked the start of this chapter. I do wonder about Sajuuk’s logic here: “It is still folly. They are too primitive. Too few, and without males, doomed to die out.” Obviously, the asari survived without males to this point, so why are they doomed to die out now?
I am on the fence about Sajuuk. He’s… well, a bit of a jerk. Then again, he’s in a high pressure, no holds barred, the galaxy has gone to hell and we could die any moment type of environment. And he’s saddled with the responsibility of being the Avatar during the mother of all war times. So, his attitude is understandable. And he has his good moments, like his attitude towards Kija a few chapters ago. Here, though? Yeah made me dislike him again. Lol Emotional rollercoaster, that one.
Also, poor Professor Athame. I was totally expecting him to save them somehow, though. Guess he gets involved with the asari back on Thessia later on, then?
Wrex’s grandfather got killed by some asari he had a feud with. That seems to be a common problem with krogan. (Asari and krogan feuding, I mean.) When he told that bit of story, it made me think of Aethyta’s parents. Wrex isn’t her (half?)nephew, is he? Making him Liara’s cousin? Cus that’d be hilarious and excellent at the same time.
I was happy to see Shepard bringing the whole group on to Feros, with Kaidan basically playing the role of EDI. I mean, really, why should she be limited to 2 other squadmates? Silly game designers. Laughed out loud about the rest being needed to keep Tali and Liara alive. Though Tali has Chikkita and Liara is doing pretty well so far with her “nigh impervious armor”. Lol
And speaking of game design, I like all the improvements/changes you’ve made to the Feros mission so far. For example, having to do the sidequests while waiting for colonists to repair their own ATV is a cool change, IMO. (Also, I suppose Shep’s getting some paragon points with it. Can’t hurt. Lol) And the krogan troops being shown to be very young. It not only sets up the cloning facility on Virmire a bit, but Wrex’s reaction there was great to read.
I enjoyed the banter in the group through the whole chapter. Glad Jack can bond with Wrex and Garrus over a mutual love of explosions, for example. Lol
Lizbeth’s password being “Zutara4life”? Loved it. Zutarians represent! :P
I’ve often wondered what that “altar” in the ExoGeni building was all about. I mean, why was it set up there in the first place? Were the geth planning on staying on Feros or did it serve some temporary function? And what *was* the glowing orb of light exactly? In-game, after ME3, I thought Tali might have been wrong about it being an altar; instead maybe it was a link to the heretic consensus or something. Here, since this is the avatar universe, I suppose it could be related to the actual spirit world somehow. I am interested to see what, if anything, will come from that.
So, since Avatars always seem to get visions from near death experiences, I am guessing that “You traitor!” line wasn’t random. It was a nice change to see that from an outside perspective, rather than following Shepard into it. Though, I am very curious about what she saw, now.
And finally, the Legion cameo. I don’t know when in this story you are actually going to have him meet Shepard, but the fact he is even there observing is just so cool.
Really looking forward to the next chapter. :)
| Azrael Duke chapter 7 . 8/9/2012
Obviously, Cerberus here will be called the Dai Li. At least, that's what I think you're going for, anyways. I could be wrong.
I have to say my favorite part of this whole chapter was the Legion cameo. Wondering if he's going to actually make an appearance to the rest of the crew - although I would think that Tali at this point would suffer not to speak to a geth. And Shepard would just shoot him on the spot. Only when she shifts closer to Paragon would she even entertain the idea of actually conversing with a geth.
My gut tells me you're sizing up a Tali/Garrus pairing in here as well. Though whether it comes quicker than the 'canon' pairing is probably up to you. As for Shepard, Kaidan and Thane would probably suit her best - yes, James Vega is a sexy, sexy beast, but she needs her 'shoulder angels' so to speak - the kind that she'll hold in high opinion. I also have the crazy crack pairing idea of Jacob with Nilsdottir - Like I said, crazy, but it might work.
| N3phtys chapter 7 . 8/8/2012
I have to say, Avatar of Victory pushed 3Families to the second place in my personal Top-3.
[here include the normal praising (and whatever) you do deserve]
I don't think Liara and Jack are that much changed in character... they just seem more... like they are in ME2 and 3 (or at least on their way, Liara still needs badassness; Nilsdottir seems okay).
Also, the entire fic so far feels like a remastered Mass Effect (remastered by a great fan that is), more than a crossover... but it's nice anyway. I can live with 50% Mass Effect, 30% Avatar and 20% Rule of Cool!
Only major critique so far: Shepard takes to many squad mates with her.
Of course, more firepower and taking every specialist for everything seems a good choice at first; but it really takes away the focus some characters need. A squad with 3 people like in the game seems not enough but a normal 4-"things"-fireteam seems more in line with flexibility and mobility... also, it gives each character more screen time.
7 NPCs like Lizbeth are way too many.
Of course, Shepard taking less people with her would need a good reason...
but the entire party size is so far the only thing bugging me.