Reviews for The Blood Within me
Troublesomes chapter 1 . 5/6/2013
Love this story! I like how you did the battles. It was cool wow you were getting a snip of what was happening but then the scene would rotate around the battle to what else was happening.
Stolenwarpig chapter 3 . 1/20/2013
I really enjoyed your story so far. You are great at showing the characters emotions and i think you nailed Shyvana's personality. You have a good start to a good story. I look forward to an update
ForPain chapter 7 . 9/26/2012
Hmmmmm...I believe that if you would've dedicated a chapter for each battle scene (Fiora vs Talon, Vlad vs Shyvana, Swain vs Jarvan), and detailed them a lot better, prolonging them as well, this war chapter would've been a lot better.

I can understand why it's rushed, and it doesn't really matter as it is your first war scene. well, good work, keep that up.

I am eagerly waiting for the next chapter.

Tempest1994 chapter 6 . 9/11/2012
So far, this story is pretty good. Keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing where this goes.
ForPain chapter 6 . 9/3/2012
That chapter was amazing. I'm glad you're still working on this story and would love to see how it continues.

Perhaps a Noxus invasion into Demacia? There must be something which will break the ice and let Shyvana REALLY join Demacia's army. Maybe another encounter with Darius? I don't know.

Anyways, keep it up!
Guest chapter 5 . 6/30/2012
I really like this story, and although it has a couple of errors here and there it's pretty good.

I hope you update soon! 3

- Cat

...Darius and Draven tried to gank Jarvan but Shyvana and Jarvan beat him out of their lane. I just had to put that, lol.
ForPain chapter 5 . 6/14/2012
I have read your story, and I can only say that so far, throughout those five chapters, I was amazed on how emotionally-attached I have become to this story.

You're a great author, keep that up, that story has such an amazing potential to become not only a made-up prologue, but a great AU fanfic as well.

So far, the emotional moments were great, what I felt the lack of in a horrible amount was the activeness of the figures.

There are nearly no direct speeches here, it's as if the story has gone passive, we're only watching events, and this sole chapter had barely 15 dialouge lines. It makes the reader feel as if the characters here have no role! You need to work on that.

Also, there is a lack of enviromental describtion and scene quality, I'm having a hard time picturing the events going through my mind, and not to mention that the way you write the lines is wrong as well.

It should go like this: (Character action, expression, or any physical action) "that character dialouge line" (verbal action (said, yelled, roared, shrieked) (character action).



This is how you make the story seem active, describing every little thing the characters do, what they're feeling when saying what they're saying, what they're doing while speeking, the scene where Draven himself said "Man, I'm good" was a great example, it was the only line in this chapter that made the story seem quite active.

Don't spare clicking enter while writing, it seems that this chapter is too compressed, you need to stretch out the scenes, fill them with quality, nitpick, you need to put some EFFORT to it. You can add emotional describtion, enviromental describtion, or even thoughts (what the characters are thinking in their minds).

This story, despite the reviews, is a great one and should deserve much more popularity, remember that lack of reviews is the least of the reasons for which you should quit writing the story.


I will be following this story quite closely from now on, because I already thought you decided to neglect it and move away, but it seems I was wrong.

Great job! keep at it!

LAWLZ chapter 3 . 6/14/2012
Hmmm... Not bad... I wish I coulda meme faced there... But... RAAAGGGEEEE! Not a bad story, u could do better though, u know, instead of J4 rescuing her, why not she be rescued by her pa, than watch the evil dragon kill him, than J4 comes to save the day? Thats just my opinion though...

ForPain chapter 4 . 5/21/2012
I am reviewing this chapter from a foreign computer at my high school,

I have read this story some time ago, around three to five days, and I was completely charmed by the chapter, though there are some details in need of desperate improvement.

The scenes and scenery, as with every single story, need to be more detailed, with better quality, to help the readers imagine the scenes in their minds.

Quality is always needed.

I love the fact that Shyvana was born as Ironscale Shyvana, for me, as well, that skin was actually the original Shyvana.

Another thing- the story felt quite if it all passed too soon, the chapters should've been slower, relaxed, stretched out for a bit...but I loved the drama and emotions concerning the village's treatment towards Shyvana.

The moment Jarvan saved her, I could swear I had shivers in my arms, it was absolutly amazing, better quality and emotions could've given that scene a golden touch.

I am eagerly waiting for the next chapter, in hopes that you will not neglect this story, like many other authors have neglected their own storied.

I will be following this story as much as I can, good luck with that.

Hybrid thing chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
Interesting. I love Shyv's Ironscale Skin too! Will we see some JarvanxShyvana? Anyways, this looks nice so far, keep it up!