Reviews for Dragonslayer
CfAwesome chapter 41 . 2/27
It's past Christmas can we please have another chapter
Pato HM chapter 41 . 2/19
Terra appeared very recently and I love her character already!
*SPOILERS*
I don't know how or if your actually going to do it but I really want her back.
Since you put in the end that fuu has a request for Naruto, I'm praying that he knows a way to bring her back. (Very unlikely, I know, but a man can dream can't he?)
*END OF SPOILERS*
If you can't or you won't well tough luck for me but it would be awesome.

Btw, I hoe you come back from your hiatus soon, the waiting is KILLING ME! T-T. (5 1/2 long and painful months to be exact.)
Pato HM chapter 37 . 2/19
So GODDAMN EPIC!
It gave me the chills!
MaskedRiderEnzo chapter 41 . 2/17
it getting epic
narukyubi chapter 41 . 2/12
Your awesomeYour awesome
Dinok Sil Naakin chapter 29 . 2/12
Great chapter can't wait to read more.
jbadillodavila chapter 41 . 2/7
Muy buena la historia ya leĆ­ste en 700 de naruto y el 419 de fairy tail
miguel.lampreargelos chapter 41 . 2/5
This is a great crossover buddy, I hope you update soon.
WalkTheMaxPlanck chapter 1 . 1/28
*sigh* I thought that my review might be too long, and lo and behold the website cut off the last couple paragraphs when I posted it. Well, it's a good thing that I had enough foresight to know that might happen, and so kept a copy of my review in reserve just in case. Here's the rest of it.

A few more small things:
- One year old toddlers can't speak, not even a little bit, so Naruto saying "Tou-san" is kind of ridiculous.
- The whole "Uzumaki Namikaze" combination last name is a bit odd, not to mention a mouthful, but I guess that's ultimately a style choice for you
- The dragon that fostered Wendy is named "Grandeeney" not "Grandine"
- It's ironic that you made an OC dragon named Levia since there actually is a dragon named Levai now in canon, although the canon version is a male and hasn't yet been shown to use any specific magic.
- Acnologia despises and wants to kill all other dragons. He doesn't even know that there are any others still alive, let alone that they're fostering humans. I guess that wasn't yet revealed in canon when you wrote this chapter, or you decided to change it, both of which are fine.

Other than those types of issues and a few other minor mistakes, it was a good chapter. I like how you had Minato and Kushina go out putting up a good fight; they and that whole fight were badass. I also liked the way you adapted some of their abilities into the Fairy Tail universe, though again I think you need to switch to english. I look forward to more. I also hope to hear back from you with a response, especially to my offer of proofreading.

Regards,
Walk The Max Planck

P.S. Since I had to post this part as a guest you obviously can't reply to this review, so you can just reply to the main review by PM instead.
Walk The Max Planck chapter 1 . 1/28
Warning, this review is very long because I go into a lot of detail on technical mistakes you make in your writing and how to correct it. Because I spend so long on the ways you can improve, let me first note that I like the story so far, and look forward to reading more.

Two immediate pieces of advice before I even finished reading the first scene.

One, use capslock a lot less. You don't need to use caps lock whenever someone is yelling; just saying that the person is yelling or shouting is enough. The same goes for technique names as well, especially since you're also using bold for techniques; using bold and all capitals together is far too strong visually the vast majority of the time. All capitals should be used extremely rarely, only when extreme emphasis which cannot be made only with description (i.e., saying that a person is yelling, screaming, etc.) is necessary since all capitals is very strong visually. Having all capitals as often as you did is visually overwhelming and distracting since the eyes are naturally drawn to it away from whatever part we might be reading at the time.

Two, don't mix languages for technique names. The reason for this is because everyone in your story is native to Earthland, so they all speak the same language, therefore techniques should all be in the same language. Now if this were a crossover where Naruto characters come into the Fairy Tail universe from the Naruto universe or vice versa then it would be fine because they could be different languages, or at the very least different cultures, but that's not the case here. Thus, "kiiroi senko" should just be "yellow flash", especially since you then call it "yellow flash" later on. It would look especially bad if you were to mix english and japanese in the same technique, e.g., "fire magic: goukakyuu" would look terrible as opposed to "fire magic: great fireball".

I think the only exception to this would probably be the rasengan, and that's because pretty much nobody calls it "spiralling sphere"; of the few hundred naruto fanfics I've read I think there's only been one that calls it "spiralling sphere". That one technique is so iconic to the Naruto series that it's still called rasengan even when the author uses the english name for literally every other technique, even including kage bunshin/shadow clone. Heck, calling it rasengan is so ubiquitous that some people might not realize what you mean if you wrote "spiralling sphere" instead. However, other than rasengan you should change absolutely everything else to full english.

In the case of rasengan variants, as with "Energy Make: Chou Oodama Rasengan", I think it would be best to change everything but the "rasengan" to english, so in the case of that technique it would be "Energy Make: Ultra-Big Ball Rasengan". Basically, if it isn't the word "rasengan" then switch to english.

Those two were two things I could not right off the bat. Another is that you should be more careful with how you group things together in a paragraph to ensure clarity for the reader. The best example of the confusion that can be caused if you aren't more careful is the following paragraph.

'"BLADES MAGIC: LIGHTNING ROD!" The blonde stabbed through many Lizardmen with his fists as well as Rasengans, the speed he was moving at allowing him to do so. As he cut them down, Minato suddenly stopped as he felt his magic power suddenly drop. The blonde panted as he fell to both knees now, he looked to see the lightning that surrounded his body began to move through the air and towards a large rod in the shape of a sword blade without a hilt, in front of the leader Lizardman.'

The way you've written it makes it seem like Minato is the one who used the "blades magic: lightning rod" spell since the speech is not clarified to be from anyone else, and is then immediately followed by actions from Minato. It's only once the reader reaches the end of last sentence that it's clear someone else was the caster. Before that, I thought Minato had used some spell which you then forgot to describe the effects of, or that the effect of the spell was to allow him to stab through the lizardmen with his fists and rasengans, which obviously didn't make sense.

This same paragraph can be used to illustrate other mistakes as well. You should try to avoid using the same word twice in one sentence, particularly for descriptive words, as you did with "suddenly" in the third sentence. It's good to avoid repeating a word to much in general, so it would be good to use an online thesaurus. You could either remove one of the uses of "suddenly" - probably the 2nd one since the first one makes it clear that everything in the sentence is happening suddenly - or substitute one of the words for a different, but similar one, such as "abruptly".

There are also multiple grammar errors in the last sentence. The first comma in the sentence ("knees now, he looked") is a comma splice. To avoid the this you should either use a period, a semi colon, or some word to connect the two parts, which would give "knees. He looked", "knees ; he looked", and "knees, and he looked" respectively. The reason I removed the word "now" after "knees" is because it's superfluous: we already know it's happening now. The word "began" should be replaced with "begin" for proper tense, or could change the structure of the entire sentence if you really wanted to keep "began". The "and" in "move through the air and towards" is unnecessary just like "now" is.

The casting of that spell also seems out of place in the order of events since Minato keeps attacking even after the spell has been used; it should be between the description of Minato attacking and when the effects kick in. The second sentence of the paragraph, describing Minato's attacking, should also likely be moved to the previous paragraph as it is part of the same block of thought as when Minato used hiraishin (which you should change to the english "flying thunder god"). A paragraph is supposed to be a coherent block of closely related ideas, and given Minato's actions are the direct result of his casting that spell it would make more sense for it to be part of the same paragraph in which he casts the spell.

Since I mentioned the paragraph just before this one, there's also something you should change there. You wrote, "Minato began moving faster than he had ever moved before." The way that is written implies that he has never moved that fast at any prior time in his entire life; this is the result of not including enough detail in the description. It should instead be changed to indicate that you specifically mean in that fight. There are also a couple places in that paragraph where a comma should be added. The first is after Minato casts his "hiraishin" spell since a comma should always be used to separate speech from the rest of a sentence, which you didn't do there. The second place is before the "and" in "body and suddenly"; and is acting as a little conjunction here, and little conjunctions should almost always be preceded by a comma, with few exception.

Taking all of the things I've said so far in this review into account, the paragraph and preceding one could be changed to the following to correct all these errors:

"Flying Thunder God!", Minato yelled. Lightning exploded out of his body, and suddenly Minato began moving faster than he had ever moved before in the battle. The blonde stabbed through many Lizardmen with his fists as well as Rasengans, the speed he was moving at allowing him to do so.

"Blades Magic: Lightning Rod!", he heard someone call. As he cut them down, Minato suddenly stopped as he felt his magic power drop. The blonde panted as he fell to both knees, and he looked to see the lightning that surrounded his body begin to move through the air towards a large rod in the shape of a sword blade without a hilt, in front of the leader Lizardman.

(I would have bolded the technique names if I could in a review, so just pretend that bolding it there.)

It doesn't actually change all that much really, but it nonetheless can make a big difference to the clarity of the writing, which greatly helps to reduce reader confusion, as well as overall improving the quality by removing grammar errors.

If you want more information on the things I've mentioned I suggest checking out (remove quotes and numerous spaces I had to add to get around the annoying link block) " : / / grammar . ccc . commnet . edu /grammar/index . h t m". I particularly highly recommend their page on comma usage, under "Word & Sentence Level" heading; It's my go to source for clarifying comma use. Most of the things I've mentioned here in terms of grammar can be found there, though some of the other technical writing advice can be found elsewhere online.

There are many other instances throughout the chapter where you make similar mistakes as those I've mentioned above. Heck, in the second sentence of very next paragraph there's another comma splice. Obviously I won't be going through to correct everything since that wouldn't fit in a review, but if you'd like I can make a google document with corrections and suggestions for everything I can find. I'll also give you the same offer I've given many other authors, which only two have accepted: I'd be happy to help with proofreading your work so as to bring the quality up.

A few more small things:
- One year old toddlers can't speak, not even a little bit, so Naruto saying "Tou-san" is kind of ridiculous.
- The whole "Uzumaki Namikaze" combination last name is a bit odd, not to mention a mouthful, but I guess that's ultimately a style choice for you
- The dragon that fostered Wendy is named "Grandeeney" not "Grandine"
- It's ironic that you made an OC dragon named Levia since there actually is a dragon named Levai now in canon, although the canon version is a male and hasn't yet been shown to use any specific magic.
- Acnolo
rock johnson chapter 7 . 1/17
Zero's knights woke the dragon. GoT and Code Geass references in the same chapter is something that I highly respect. Also don't you think Naruto is too much of a jackass in this story?
Ejammer chapter 41 . 1/16
this is epic
Bob chapter 2 . 1/11
YO! Your awesome
Natsuto chapter 41 . 1/8
Hey, I've read this whole story over the period of a few weeks and I want to thank you for the amazing work you put into this. Honestly, this story was very entertaining and the characters were all very captivating. I hope you take this story off hiatus soon because I would be upset if such a great story was discarded.

Keep up the great work
Guest chapter 35 . 1/6
Man I know I'm late but I just done reading chap 35 and I gotta say it's one of if not the best multi fighter fight scene I've read! Well done man. Sorry I haven't gotten around to making an account yet
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