|Reviews for Until Then, I Promise…|
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/13/2012
beautiful i've never read... amazing sometimes i just want to hug Ed and Al... :(
| Fanficrazy chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
kawaii, really good!
| AllenxEdward chapter 1 . 5/26/2012
OMG! I love it! I love your rhyme scheme and how the story flowed. Amazing!
| Cartoon Cow chapter 1 . 5/18/2012
I love this! XD
| Freedom Dancer chapter 1 . 5/17/2012
Oh wow, that's absoultely, breath-takingly beautiful! ;-; I really enjoyed that. It made me think Ed and Al were right here beside me, saying that to one another. Very well written.
| A Lost Sheep chapter 1 . 5/15/2012
Wow, no sólo se puede escribir historias, sino también la poesía! Esto fue increíble! Me encantó, y espero ver más.
Wow, not only can you write stories but also poetry! This was amazing! I loved it and hope to see more.
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
Nicely written...and I'm quite picky about poems too. Finally someone who uses both punctuation and stanza breaks. I do have a few nitpicks with some of your wording/punctuation uses.
"in your bed with your eyes shut tight.
And I wonder what you're thinking about." - It reads more as if there should be a comma after "tight" instead of a fullstop. If you are going to use a fullstop, get rid of the "and".
“"Go to sleep," I want to say,
I know we'll always find a way.” – I think in this case a fullstop would be better,; an extra punch to that second line.
“I'll do my best to reach our goal;
complete this quest, pay the toll.” – wrong use of semi-colon. In this case, it should be a colon.
There are a few other examples like those above, but it’s a little pointless writing them all out.
I’m not particularly happy with the line: “And I trust you can do what you need to.”, or rather, the way you’ve worded it. Alphonse talking, right? So that makes the “you” Edward. I think saying “you need to” mightn’t be the best way of wording it, because Ed seems more focused on getting his brother’s body back while Al wants him to focus on getting back his own limbs (or too, depending on what part of the anime is being referred to – haven’t read the manga). “what needs to be done”, while a little wordier, gets rid of that misleading aspect of the interpretation as it invites a level of ambiguity…but it’s a little wordy. Something similar and shorter might work though.
But really neat poem. Apart from that brief lapse you've shown the Elric brothers remarkably in character which is difficult to clearly do in a poem I think. I tend to focus more on scenes and ideas myself. And I've learnt something new too. :)
Why is everyone finishing school and I'm nearing the end of my first semester? Geeze, how many people live on the other side of the world...
| Shizuku Tsukishima749 chapter 1 . 5/10/2012
Aw! That's so cute! Love it! Rock on! Absolutely wonderful! *U* So freaking awesome! Gosh, I love this! I'm only a reader of certain poetry, and this definitely falls into that category! *U* Totally cool! Love the devotion to each other in their sections! I could hear them saying to one another, see it happening! *U* Rock on!
| o chapter 1 . 5/10/2012
Awwww! The brotherly love it too awesome! :DDD
| Mystery-shrouded S chapter 1 . 5/10/2012
Ha! I love how you basically sum up the Elric brother's goal in a poem, a rhyming one at that! Very lovely! Going under my favorites for sure!
I'm terrible at poetry when I'm required to follow a set of rules, like rhyme and rhythm. To me, it just gets in the way of the flow. That's why I love writing free style. I'm pretty good at it... I'm confident enough to post a couple on this site...
| yamiduke13 chapter 1 . 5/10/2012
This was cute. You did a great job on it.