Reviews for Jacky Faber: An Alternate Story
Ronaele Emmett chapter 1 . 7/30/2013
Very accurate, I loved it! It's so... Jacky. LOL, I am a huge fan of Jacky and Jaimy:)
Guest chapter 17 . 6/17/2013
Interesting. You are a great writer.
Guest chapter 1 . 6/17/2013
This is really, really good and you did a great job imitating the writing style of the actual bloody jack books. I can't wait to read more!
leolove chapter 16 . 3/27/2013
I love the Bloody Jack Series! Cant wait for book 11! I like your story so far, its great ... is Syke transgender? and there is no problem if he is, it just that it is not clear...
WolfishMoon chapter 14 . 2/11/2013
Okay, one. Not sure, but I think this would still be in the Edo period, sooo... Tokyo isn't what the city would be called yet. I think it's still Edo. Not sure, though. Check if you want, or just leave it. I don't really care. Another thing. Dialogue. You do this,
"Blah blah blah," I said, "Blah blah blah,"
Jared replied
It would be better, more professional, and grammatically correct if you did this:
"Blah blah blah," I said.
"Blah blah blah," Jared replied.
So when you switch who's speaking, always always always skip to the next line. You don't have to do that when the same person speaks again so:
"Blah," I began, "Blah blah," I finished.
would be totally okay.
Also, you did an excellent job with the way you have Jacky speaking (except for the cockney bits, changing my to me doesn't cut it alone) but at times she is slightly out of character. Like with Jared's advances. Jacky wouldn't make as much of a stink as she did here. It's just not Jacky. She would roll her eyes, say that she's still promised to a "Mr. James Emerson Fletcher" but she wouldn't scream to be put down or anything like that. It just isn't her. And yeah. Anyway, keep up the good work, as I've stated, you've done a wonderful job with her voice and I by no means wish to insult you with this reveiw. You've done wonderfully, but there is much to be improved upon. So, keep on writing!
Ms. Glenn chapter 1 . 1/22/2013
Good work, Miss P.
pennydreadlocks chapter 12 . 11/30/2012
thank you for all your comments!
Kelly K chapter 8 . 11/28/2012
First time looking for any fanfic. Bloody Jack are my favorite books. You seem to have a good feel for Jackys voice.
Guest chapter 12 . 10/14/2012
I've read this story about six times but each time I've been afraid to review. I think your story is awesome. You're a great writer and I really really hope you'll continue it
Softballa13tondalayo chapter 11 . 10/4/2012
HURRRRRR
Softballa13tondalayo chapter 10 . 10/3/2012
Damn good
fatherschild16 chapter 9 . 8/25/2012
I love the Bloody Jack series, and I must say, you're doing good on this. Please, continue it
happyface12112 chapter 1 . 7/23/2012
This story is great. I am suprised that I'm your first review. Please write more!