|Reviews for The Last Time|
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
Pretty. And nicely toned too - not too depressing but not crazily upbeat either. Rather realistic. I didn't spy any spelling/grammar errors so that's a plus too. I also like how Dumbledore was going to arrive in a coupe of days ... like a little too late. A very Dumbledore thing to happen, of course not intentionally on his part, but Rowling makes him suffer like that allow.
[thirty first] - that normally has a hyphen.
| ThorinKiliandFili4ever chapter 1 . 7/7/2012
| slightlysmall chapter 1 . 6/20/2012
There was so much about this story that I liked, and the dream had to have been my favorite part. However, I would say at least a quarter and possibly half of your periods should be commas. The number of fragmented sentences in this story was really jarring, and the effect probably would've been better with longer sentences. Once they're changed to commas, though, it reads well. I love your idea, the pacing, the love you show that Lily has, and you are even developing motifs, like noting Harry's eyes, so similar to her own. If you go through and read your story out loud, and think about commas as one beat and periods as two, and change it according to how you read it, then I think this story would be even better.
| CierraLuv97 chapter 1 . 6/4/2012
Oh my Gosh, this was so sad! First of all, it was a really nice MOMENT of Lily and James's hiding. All anyone seems to focus on is "And then they died. The end." Like, that's great and all, but there was more to it than just dying at the end. Like fear, and anticipation, and protectiveness, all of which you captrued in this fiction. James and Lily's interaction was perfect, and I had an "OH!" moment when i realised that tomorrow, both would be dead. Dun dun dun!Sorry, had to add that. Awesome joB! :D
| Black Rose Blue chapter 1 . 5/28/2012
This was fantastic. I'm crying and awwing and just want to tell Dumbledore to hurrying his ass over to the Potter's to get them out of there and into safety. Brilliantly done. Bravo.
| WeasleySeeker chapter 1 . 5/18/2012
This was very sad, but absolutely beautifully written. Your description was excellent. Sometimes in stories that are description-heavy like this it gets too much, but here it works perfectly. I liked the dark twist for the dream and there was a real sense of building urgency. Lily's mothering instincts were absolutely gorgeous, and it's heartbreaking that this is the night before they die.
| Scaehime chapter 1 . 5/13/2012
I usually avoid angsty stories, but this one was not all angst. The love Lily shows for Harry really shines through here.
| autumn midnights chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
Aww, this is so sad! It's very sweet, though, and I did like it. Your characterization of Lily was very realistic, and her emotions as a mother also definitely seem to make a lot of sense. The dialogue between Lily and James is also very believable. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes, so good job on that as well. The ending is very sad, but it definitely fit well with the tone of the piece. I like how you had Lily dream about Voldemort; it certainly gave a sense of foreshadowing. I really like how you used the lyrics in the piece as well. I love how you used the theme of it without directly including them; I really don't like when authors put the lyrics in the story, and the way you did it was much better. Your interpretation of the lyrics was very original, also - I never would have thought of writing a Lily-Harry family moment with those lyrics. Great job :)
| HeadlessHuntsman chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
I don't think this was depressing at all. I was overall sad because we all know what's going to happen. I think you wrote Lily's emotions and her feelings of love towards Harry very believably. I didn't see any errors so that's always good.
| annaisadinosaur chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
This was so terribly sad but beautiful in a dark and depressing kind of way, but I loved it. What's really kind of amazing is that it's raining here now (and it never does) and it just fit this mood so well. Your sentence structures were really fragmented but somehow that makes the reading flow so well together; it's like you scanned out Lily's thoughts and laid them out to read, and it all just came together so easily and beautifully in my mind.
"He was her heart, her soul, everything she could ever want. And everything she'd rather die for than to lose." This is probably my favorite line of it all. It sums up the way I imagine Lily Evans to be so well. She's this incredibly strong and loving character, who in the end, surrendered her life for her son... It's so incredibly intense and simple and I can't find any other word to describe it than beautiful. :)
Your writing's fantastic and I really, really love this!
| Couture Girl chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
This WAS depressing but so beautifully written! I love depressing stories and reading the night before Lily's death was really great. Her thoughts of love and adoration for Harry. Loved the description as well. I saw no grammar mistakes, some typos, but that happens to everybody. The nightmare was really great too, the only thing I didn't like was how you described Voldemort, I imagine that he still looked human before this, maybe his features were not as handsome like before, but still somewhat human. But I'd like to think that she was foreseeing the future of Voldemort and her wanting to protect Harry even after death, which would mean that her love met no borders-not even death.
Once again, you've done a wonderful job Erin!
| Curly Wurly Me chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
Aww that was heartbreaking :'( Beautifully written and so lovely, in a bittersweet way