|Reviews for Mass Effect: Glorious Shotgun Princess|
| Talimancer chapter 8 . 3/23
holy hell i give up, i just can not read this anymore, none of this shit makes any sense whatsoever
| Guest chapter 5 . 3/4
#is waiting for Garrus and Thane
| Sin of the Fallen chapter 19 . 3/2
Reading this has been like reading awesome-badassery condensed into text form. It has been a most enchanting experience.
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 2/18
And with a symbol of the sun blazing on her forehead
[You’ve got a lot of short sentences, to the point that I think it’s actually hurting your clarity (at least for a large part of the beginning of the story). Then there’s sentences like this where I have no idea if you’re trying to refer to sun reflecting off the shine of her armour or if there’s something somehow sun-like stamped directly on her face or something else, because there are a lot of possibilities]
She floors pass in a blur
[You might want to re-read over your chapter, because I think there are numerous points like this where I sense you were intending to write one sentence but after beginning it, instead wrote another]
rapping her her knuckles
She flit between the debris
[flits? Or are you using past tense now?]
The LOKI mechs in the room shut down, general faulting from errors in tracking her speed
[Be wary of turning a character into a demigod: if nothing can match your character, nothing can challenge him/her and that instantly makes things boring]
where her head ones
A pattern, curved and sharp angled, over her
[Was there supposed to be a verb here, or was the sentence intended to be incomplete?]
She's going to make this world a better place
[Criminal lords tend to say what they need to at the moment, and have a stronger tendency to act on their ego. She could easily say “I’ll do what you ask” and then send Shepard lots of bombs to kill her as soon as she’s got some room]
as a show of good faith, I'll cure you
[I understand the concept of a multitalented character, but somebody who can magickally do everything drains interest because that promises no challenge. Where there is no possibility for failure, there can be no excitement and little drama]
how to attack some
She pulls up the pants. They seem looser
[I don’t get why her physical stature or other parameters would change, isn’t it the personality and behavior (rather than arbitrary culturally-defined values of attractiveness) that led people to become solars]
Geth's head petals blossom
[There’s something simple, amusing, and appropriate about your description in this way]
"Geth. We are all Geth."
[“We are all Kosh”]
I'm calling you Wuffles
[Well, it’s better than Fluffy]
almost tackling her with a hug
[Given the repeated difficulty of Shepard unintentionally destroying things, I’m surprised Liara isn’t turned into paste]
the shuttle, shot through
[Interesting change, but there’s a problem: with Liara reacquiring Shepard on her own terms, I don’t see how Cerberus and the Illusive Man would be able to get Shepard’s attention. Without that, a lot of other people would be highly unlikely to cross Shepard’s path]
She got that one in a training accident back whens he was N7
[So ‘she’ got a transgender operation, because she used to be a ‘he’…whens…]
Orizaba," she syas
following by a faint twitch from her head tentacles
[They don’t have muscles, they’re cartilage like human ears. It’s discussed in ME3]
We have finishes analyzing
should be hear
seems genuinely fake.
[contradiction. “forced” would’ve made more sense]
"You shouldn't be able to catch bullets
[It’s impossible, bullets just don’t have enough surface area even if you have the timing right. With ME weapons it would be even more impossible because they fire shaved shards of metal (basically grains of sand, in effect) instead of typical bullets]
You seem more straight and narrow."
Jane nods. "I try."
[Not from your other indications]
Twelve dead Blue Suns gun for hires
[Blue Sun guns]
whispers form bystanders
His green suit is streaked with black suit and purple
[What, is he wearing a partial suit over his suit?]
before Liara pops out of her harness and pushes her aside
[I re-read this scene a couple of times and I’m still not positive what this means, or why Liara would be getting out of a crash harness given the maneuvering going on and strongly implied to continue for a while]
kill a hero
[Technically, ME2 implies that most of the details were classified and most people aren’t aware of the Reaper threat. Many think Shepard’s just a loose cannon]
The car bobs, weaves, dodging
[bobs and weaves]
Instincts her will admit
It is not a legal model
[legal maneuver? If you’re referring to her weapon then you need to clarify]
Let's the instincts
An interesting possibility, but the execution is not completely consistent and I think you’re overemphasizing Shepard basically becoming an undefeatable god. Surviving a solo atmospheric reentry? Now you’re not going to be able to portray any thermal or kinetic energy as a threat to her because she’s survived worse. Lethal threat? Not anymore now that she can whim away terminal illnesses. You’ve basically turned her into all the worst of what Superman was: something that can never be threatened, and therefore never challenged. Everything that happens is at best a delay to her inevitable victory, which means I can predict the outcome of every single encounter without any mystery or drama.
| Zephal chapter 19 . 2/12
Just finished reading this story. IT WAS AWESOME! NOW! Onwards to the next one!
Now with that out of my system, loved the story. Kept me on my toes with all the plot twist(was convinced you killed of half the crew multiple times just for you to go "ha! Fooled ya! They're not dead") and of course the humor. Laughed myself silly reading all the b-movie kung fu scenes that somehow managed to remain serious.
As for my favorite characters, Wuffles the wonder Geth comes in a clear first place(favorite scene "my kung fu is stronger", AI taunting is awesome) with Udina and Hacket sharing second place because both Have Seen It All. I love those kinds of characters.
Dinosaurs overrunning the cargo hold? Punch them. A beach inside crew quarters on a ship? "How can I get one for my ship?" Metal eating Mammoth consuming the cargo hold? Elcor crew member, check. "Close enough" The Commander got a pet Geth? Was going to happen eventually.
| Blinded in a bolthole chapter 5 . 2/5
Wuffles FTW! Saw right through the Catalyst's Apex of Evolution bullshit. How does someone who never saw something can make bold declarations about it based on incomplete data? Answer: with good deal of shortsightedness and arrogance!
| Blinded in a bolthole chapter 3 . 2/5
Somehow Prazza is doing this on purpose to get hacked by Wuffles and ... ya know... not very healthy I'd say.
You got that one right. Even in ME3 where Cerberus were hyper-competent, their plans eventually led to "going overboard, killing everyone and taking over the base", in this case TIM's bloody brain. There's karma to the stuff I tell ya.
Joker you dog you!
| Blinded in a bolthole chapter 2 . 2/4
Sure you do Jeff, sure you do... and people were wondering where EDI-Joker came from.
| Ikurus chapter 19 . 2/1
This is one fantastic story.
Somewhere along the way, I think some part of it got too epic to comprehend. Maybe because I'm not that familiar with Exalted.
Thank you for writing and sharing this.
| Socelssr chapter 19 . 1/26
This was amazingly well written. Each character came through vividly, and each exalted showcased the ridiculous and awesome power of their exaltation. Kudos, and well done.
| thelegendarysupernerd chapter 3 . 1/15
Did... Did Legion just have robot sex with EDI? Also, I would love to see Shepard go nuts, kill Cerberus, and then take over.
| Ser Serendipity chapter 5 . 1/6
Oh my god. Wuffles fucking OWNED Harbringer.
That made my freaking day.
| Star Dust of Ancient Novae chapter 3 . 1/2
'Your data package is larger than theirs'
Was that an AI pick-up line?
| Leonas chapter 3 . 12/30/2013
Ok... I usually wait till after I catch up but... I have this feeling like I should be handing Wuffles and EDI cigarettes... Holy crap. I ship it and I ship it hard...
| deltawaves chapter 19 . 12/28/2013
Dam, I just marathons this story and I have to know, what the hell were you on when you wrote it and were I can get some. Because this this is all kinds of crazy, and I really want to make some of this myself.