|Reviews for Beginings|
| Blue-Inked Frost chapter 6 . 9/29/2012
It was great to see more of this! The squirrels in the battle scene were very funny - a wild magic character is a lot of fun to read about. I enjoyed reading the party interactions between the Harpers and the Zhents. I take it that you're basing Xzar's and Montaron's characterisations off the BG1 NPC Project? I recognised that conversation about Montaron cooking the squirrels. Mod dialogue can be entertaining, but it's also fun to read different people's own versions of the characters. The tensions with Jaheira and Khalid being very parental are also fun to read. Keep watching the spelling, grammar and punctuation; sometimes the story can be a bit hard to follow.
Generally I'm enjoying this and it's lovely to see another BG1 story that starts from the beginning! Hope to read more. :)
| Akili-chan chapter 1 . 5/20/2012
Great start to the story! I liked the banter between the people, though you should use line breaks or something to show that time has passed. Otherwise:
"Enjoy yourselves" Gorion smiled as the two girls ran off chattering about the things they would get up too. Gorion's face dropped as he turned to look across to the library at a young man who was sitting at a desk with books surrounding him, he had a constant scowl on his face and a dark aura that surrounded him.
"But why father?" Katriel exclaimed. Gorion wasn't her father she had always known that... he was a human after all but she never had any interest to make an issue over it.
Is in the same scene and leaves the reader confused for a bit.
I love how you've made Katriel into a Wild Mage, lots of fun can be made with that in the story, though it was a pain in the ass in the game. :P I als like how Katriel was both sort of happy about leaving yet attached to the place she's lived for a long time. Another thing that might just be a peeve of mine: Would a full elf having been raised by a human really be falling into the wangst about her race bits? Sure, I can see her being annoyed at being forced to be in classes, but going "I wish I was like everyone else!" and "I can't be a bard because humans fall hopelessly in love with all elves" comes off as being a bit Mary-Sueish.
| Blue-Inked Frost chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
The fairy dragon familiar is very cute! I also liked the pragmatic attitude Kat and Imoen take at the end of the chapter in terms of rummaging through dead people's pockets-not a pleasant experience at all. Their exuberant sibling relationship was fun to read.
There are a few anachronisms in here that threw me off a bit, like "street cred", and discussion of percentages. I know it's very subjective what people choose or not to include in a setting like Faerun, though; it's just I can personally get thrown off by some aspects that strike me as particularly Earth-like or the characters knowing it's a game. Some of the spelling and grammar also makes the story hard to follow, like "Garion" rather than "Gorion", "his hands eloped" rather than "his hands enveloped", a lack of punctuation at the end of dialogue ("Commas at the end," she said, "or full stops."), several sentences that go on a bit too long without punctuation to break them up and show the natural pauses.
It's great to see another story here that starts from Candlekeep. I love BG1, it's actually my favourite of the games! Mage characters are also lots of fun. So I'm looking forward to see where your characters are going next-if they're going to run into a pair of Zhents on the road, or Khalid and Jaheira at the inn, or somewhere else entirely. Best of luck with your writing. :)
| Late to the Party chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
Interesting beginning. I like the banter between Kat and Tiryns. I look forward to reading more. ).