|Reviews for Obviously Forbidden|
| mysteryreader6626 chapter 17 . 11/18/2014
Update this soon.
| Guest chapter 17 . 8/26/2014
Um isn't DS supposed to have a sorta purplish and redish hair? Or did u change DS into DA?
JIC if u didn't know DS is demon slayer, and DA is demon avenger
| NekomimiToree chapter 17 . 8/27/2014
An ok effort, but your sentences are getting a bit too long to read comfortably, and you over-explain many things that do not need explaining (especially most of Aran's section). You might benefit from testing shorter sentences, and focusing more on descriptions rather than the character's actions/emotions. Also your tone sounds a little like a science paper.
Also, yay! A character creation! I love those (although 90% of the time my ideas get dropped)! Put up the form, asap!
Ahem. Sorry, got a bit too excited. On an unrelated note: I have struggled with college things before, so if you want someone to share a bit about her experience, you can ask me.
| Oligopoly chapter 5 . 8/23/2014
I thought Aran was a girl? I know the trailer that she is a girl.. But if you play Luminous/Shade storyline she is a girl...
| Prominis chapter 16 . 7/23/2014
Okay so, I noticed you were a bit lax on the description of the general's motivations... I dunno if you wanted to make it shorter/lessinformationintensive/somethingelse to keep readers from being bored, but eh.
Lionheart was promised power to take revenge or something (regular human king prior to becoming a general, I believe).
I may have forgotten, but I believe Hilla went for like, eternal youth? I really forget... Though I doubt she wanted to get glory for the city she destroyed and tried to keep hidden for several hundred years, although power was probably part of it.
Orca and Lotus became generals in exchange for human bodies; they were originally (immortal) spirits before being given (mortal) human bodies by the black mage. Also, going with what you said earlier, the 'as far as they knew no one else joined without external motivation', the (rather brief) description surrounding the twins in this chapter makes it seem like they did it for the lols (never being apart doesn't really have much to do with their general status).
Dayum, now it probably sounds like I don't like the story...
Contrary to what it may seem like, I do enjoy this story. I'm just really bad at complementing things and really picky. Sorry?
ALSO AS A SIDE NOTE
ONE WEEK FOR A CHAPTER GOSH DARN IT I AM JEALOUS I AM TOO LAZY TO EVER WRITE NOWADAYS LIKE WHAT HOW SORCERY
Or maybe you focus. HMMMMM
Maybe I should do that.
| NekomimiToree chapter 14 . 7/10/2014
Your writing style is very well cemented, in my opinion. Everything is concise with just the right balance of detail. I actually do not have much to say, huh.
One thing you can work on is deeper characterization. There's something very profound within the characters you've created, but their dialogue sometimes do not reflect that. It's not a mistake or anything, just something you can do if you wish to take your writing to another level. Otherwise, it's fine the way it is.
You can also try practicing writing in new and unique ways, although I wouldn't recommend doing that for subsequent chapters of a planned out story.
| Crazyliving chapter 14 . 7/4/2014
Yayy! You're back! :D
| Prominis chapter 13 . 6/24/2014
LUL Y NOT BRA
I DO WAT I WANT
U CANT STAWP MEH
*runs into the sunset*
But anyway, you're amazing! You actually update your stories! WAO SO GUD
(I don't really do that, because procrastination)
| Fluffy Sakura-kun chapter 13 . 6/24/2014
Holy hell you're back! Ohmygosh YAY! This is literally my one of my favorite fanfictions in this fandom, and I was worried if you were ever coming back. And here you are, ack I missed you and this story. Anyways, I hope this review motivated you, cause I'll be here reading every chapter, no matter how long it takes!
| Error Name not found chapter 13 . 6/23/2014
You may want to fix that formatting error.
| casperlim99 chapter 1 . 4/22/2014
This story is really interesting. Can't wait for the next chpt, pls update soon. :)
| Crazyliving chapter 12 . 1/4/2014
Could you update soon? I'd love to read the end of this! Keep up the good work!
| spida-dwag16 chapter 12 . 11/14/2013
LOL I totally forgot about this story... but you brought me back into it; update soon! Or not... people are busy... hw
| Chocolatecatfish chapter 11 . 9/10/2013
Interesting And since I particularly love the pairings, please update soon :)
| Elumni chapter 11 . 9/9/2013
Great storyline. I ship MercedesxFreud and find there isn't as much fanfics as detailed and immersing as yours. The change of pov here and there was quite confusing especially when it switched from merc/freud to phantom/aria. But overall I really enjoyed it and hope you would continue to update to fill my fangirling heart