|Reviews for The Grand Estate|
| Guest chapter 8 . 11/25/2017
HEY HEY! IF YOU OBJECT TO THE MARRIAGE, SAY SO THE TRADITIONAL WAY BY FLIPPING A TABLE!
| Real Equality chapter 1 . 5/21/2014
In the world of The Sims, there's equality. Neither men above women nor women above men. This fanfic sucks. In my The Sims headcanon, inequality is inexistent and either a husband dominating or a wife dominating her husband would be as intolerable even by Evil Sims.
| GunBunnyGuest chapter 14 . 3/13/2013
Okay, obviously you're not the kind of person to receive tough love. Ranting and frothing at the mouth over a review(s) that's been made to you? Really? Take what they're saying. See the points that they made about your story. Your grammar is bad. There's no lie in that. Dialouge needs tweeking. Being honest here. The characters can use some development. Makes the reader more intrigue on what could happen to them.
Instead of making it seems like some reviewers are attacking you, take their advice. You'll need it. Badly. So, instead of taking the time to rant about some person's review, why don't you take the time to improve this story. Like I said before, this story has a lot of potential to be something great. However, you, the writer, is holding it back. That's a shame. Just shameful.
So once more, improve your grammar. Its not all that hard to work on. Trust me. Don't ignore the seemingly negative reviewers, as those can actually help you out more than the retarded 'ooh, nice story' bandwagon. Please?
Read some good stories. Although hard to find, there are some great ones. See how their grammar is. Learn from them.
| RPM Shadow chapter 14 . 2/16/2013
Wow! Loving it, loving it, loving it!
| invisiblesolid chapter 6 . 2/5/2013
ok look your not a very good writer and i dont like the plot and frankly you dont seem to focus on anything except the plot. like very little character development and no descripton and its just not very good. im ok with the grammer i mean im bad at grammer too but this story is not very good. you should try to do better. maybe you wont agree with me but any desent writer will tell you this... is bad. sorry.
| RPM Shadow chapter 13 . 1/16/2013
Wow. That was good.
| Poetryisgreat chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
As I said at the beginning of my last review, this is a joke account. My friend was being cruel and decided to post false reviews on your other two stories, saying such things as "oh this is good" and "I want to read more". If I were you, I would delete those reviews, as they are insincere and she was actually being a jerk and making fun of you. Sorry about that.
| Poetryisgreat chapter 12 . 12/20/2012
Hello! Sims3Lover back again. I still don't have a Fanfiction account but my good pal has this joke account and I'm sleeping over her house. You specifically requested no anonymous reviews so this is my best opportunity to send you a signed review. Here we go.
[The board of directors set up press conferences, consecutively, of the families up for vote. Starting with the Landgraab family.]
This is worded awkwardly as well as grammatically incorrect. It doesn't flow correctly so that the reader has a harder time following. Also, "starting with the Landgraab family" is a sentence fragment and should be included in the previous sentences or expounded upon so it can stand on its own. Another sentence fragment while I'm on the topic is:
[Flashing lights with reporters shouting questions at them.]
Once again, your grammar is in desperate need of revision. I think this chapter's grammar might have been worse than the last one I reviewed.
As for sentence variety, I'm seeing a significant lack. For example:
[She turns the television off. She storms out of her bedroom. She calls Nick on her cell phone.]
This sequence will give the reader an overwhelming sense of boredom. The solution would be to either combine all three sentences into one (a very good idea for the future *wink wink nudge nudge*) or just not use "she" for the beginning of every sentence.
In the next sentence it says she leaves a voicemail. It would've been helpful if you wrote first that he didn't pick up.
[Vita shouts at her assistant in the dressing room, waiting area.]
I'm not even sure what you're trying to say. Honestly, that comma has got me so confused. My advice is to just take out ", waiting area" all together and end the sentence.
[Nick says... Jeffery asks... she says...]
All used in one section. These are poor quality words. It's not just variety for this error, it's that you're not being descriptive enough.
["Holly, we got an invitation for you" Jeffrey informs her.
She grabs the paper and looks through it.
"Looks like I should get ready" she tells him.
Nick walks in. "What's going on?"
"We're having dinner" Holly responds to him.]
This is such a boring sequence. Hardly any description, almost entirely dialogue. Let me tell you this right now- Dialogue does NOT make a story good. A story is good if you can tell it WITHOUT use of tons of dialogue.
[Vita arrives wearing a knee length black cocktail dress and sunglasses.
Nancy clad in a pantsuit, matching Geoffrey's tailored attire.
Cornelia arrives wearing an ankle length very dark black (plaid) dress.
Holly arrives wearing a red cocktail dress and understated heels. Jeffrey matches with his deep blue suit and Nick in his pinstripe formal getup.]
First and foremost, '(plaid)' was unnecessary. Just say it, don't put it in parentheses. Parentheses rarely have a place in a story. Next, I'll talk about 'show, don't tell.'
Basically, that's where you show the reader what's going on through your words, not just tell them directly. It makes for a more imaginative/descriptive piece, adds depth, and intrigues the reader. Flat out describing what each character is wearing is not only boring, it's taboo. Any popular writer on here will tell you what's wrong with it and why they don't do it.
According to your storyline (or best as I can conclude) only a few days have passed since Morgana checked her pregnancy chest. How can she already be showing? I may be wrong about the timeline though.
There's plenty more to say but I said most of it in my last review and I don't want to sound like a broken record. Also it's 1 AM, maybe I should go to bed? I've spent quite a bit of time on this review.
Now because you almost completely disregarded my last review (and that of another anonymous reviewer) I'm going to be frank. Your writing isn't very good. In any aspect. I have to wonder how old you are. 11? 12? This is the writing quality of a tween. If you want to be a better writer you need to take my advice and use it! Learn from it! Let me help you! Because right now, you really aren't good at writing, and need help to improve.
| RPM Shadow chapter 12 . 12/3/2012
I enjoyed it! I enjoy the full story! I don't know any sim family from Hidden Springs, could you please PM me to tell me about them? Is the next family of Sunset Valley going to be the Frio brothers? I hope so. I'm sorry your having trouble with a few reviewers, I know how that feels.
I'm stayinmg with story until the end!
| Jyoti chapter 12 . 12/1/2012
| pinkwildcat94 chapter 12 . 12/1/2012
Hi. Of course i still read your story. Sorry i havent been reviewing though. Sometimes I tend to forget. Anyways, good chapter and I am happy that you included the Vanderburgs. Are u going to talk about their son and Ella Carlisle too?
| GunBunnyGuest chapter 11 . 11/17/2012
I like where this story is going, though it is quite a lot to take in at times. All that fuss over who's gonna be the next CEO of Gunther's business? Makes me want to not take any part in the cruel world of business.
Now, there are some things about the story I do not like. For example, every character in here seems shallow. No depth to them, you know? You need description in there! Make them come alive! It annoys me half to death when all I read is dialouge after dialouge. I seriosuly cannot pick up on the sim's character... I'm kinda slow...
Anyway, this story is fast-paced. Which I sometimes don't have a problem with but at times, it can be too much. Where are the sims now? What's going on? Mr. Landgrabb is a baby daddy now?!... Heh... Baby daddy... Heh heh...
Darn distracted mind! Stop you! Though seriously... Your grammar sucks... Not trying to be mean or anything, but it does. Like, really. Like, in serious need of a beta or something. Not being mean, just being honest. Don't cry about this later in you author's note and go on this mini rant trying to justify yourself.
Now, I will not give you examples of good dialouge and grammar because I noticed someone already did, which they have done a pretty good job on that.
So, please take this review into consideration without going on a rampage and tweak this story up a bit to make it a number one Sims story that veryone wants to read and wish they have written it! Yeah! Are ya with me?!
Okay, shutting up now. Too much coffee in my system at the moment. I love coffee? Do you? Love hotdogs, too! Everyone should love hotdogs! They are so-... I'm just gonna shut up now...
| Jyoti chapter 11 . 11/7/2012
Wonderful job! You still have this reader ahaha. I find this story really interesting and suspenseful.
| RPM Shadow chapter 11 . 11/7/2012
Love it! I'm starting to love Holly!
| RPM Shadow chapter 10 . 10/22/2012
WOW! Keep it up!