|Reviews for The Last Battle|
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/28/2015
DO ANOTHER CHAPTER ON A FINAL SHOWDOWN BETWEEN CAPTAIN PLANET & THE ECOVILLIANS! GREAT STORY TOO!
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/19/2015
WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER! THIS STORY ROCKS!
| fiveysbrokenstar chapter 1 . 4/27/2015
Well, at this time of the night, I'm way too lazy to sign in(other than the fact that this isn't my fave platform).
Anyhow, on to the review!
I absolutely LOVED this. It was cute and fluffy at the end, AND made me hold back tears, just what I needed... Also I may/may not have just decided to go back and re-watch the series and I kinda ship it now. Thanks, like I needed another OTP(jk, I always need new OTPs.)
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/23/2013
| ElphabaCanFigureSkate chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
CAP/GAIA STUFF! YAY! Nice job. So few people write about Cap OR Gaia much less them together. It's cool to see a change of place... and my ALL TIME OTP!
| lucy chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
not the best idea to make another showdown but there should be nore gaia/captin plante romances
| Gammablast chapter 1 . 5/18/2012
What a sweet ending. :)
| Frankie Alton chapter 1 . 5/16/2012
I don't recall that I've ever read the first version of this, so I can't comment on this version compared to the earlier version. (I tried to see if the earlier version was still posted, but I guess you've taken it down.)
Anyway, on to my critique of the story.
First off, one thing I really liked about this story is that you have Captain Planet himself as one of the main characters. A lot of writers (myself included) seem to have a difficult time writing Captain Planet, so he rarely gets alot of mention in a majority of the fics on here. So this is a nice change of pace from some of the other stories.
I'm not a huge fan of Captain Planet/Gaia as a relationship personally, but I think you did a good job with it in your story. The reasons you gave for their feelings were compelling, especially the fact that they are rather dependent on each other, and really the only two beings on Earth that can really understand each other.
I'm gonna echo a few points from Gromia's review. First, divide up the paragraphs so that only one person is speaking per paragraph. I know it kind of makes it seem like you have some really short paragraphs, but it just makes it easier for the readers that way. When there are multiple people speaking in one paragraph it can get confusing to follow.
There are a few minor grammatical errors in there (but nothing serious, it was pretty good overall) Still it would be a good idea to get a beta. For example "By you're powers combined..." should be "By your powers combined..." Things like that are SO difficult to catch on your own. I do that a lot in my own writing, which is why I always get someone to read it over.
I do think you have a pretty solid plot, so good job on that. You've got some supsense, drama, action and romance. And I like that you included so many characters.
There are a few things that I think you could expand, however, that would really give it more impact. First, I think you could delve a bit more into the villain's motives. I mean, we all know they want to take the Planeteers down, but this was a very extreme plan, especially for Plunder. I was okay with the other villains in this, but to me Plunder was always the type that didn't do his own dirty work. But he was pretty angry and violent in this, almost like he had gone over the edge. I could totally see that happening, so I'm not really saying it's wrong to write him like that, but just that maybe a little more back-story would make it more convincing. Like maybe they had just destroyed a huge chunk of his fortune, and he finally snapped and is just gonna take matters into his own hands.
The one thing that really kind of didn't settle with me was how quickly Captain Planet decided he would kill the villains. The one thing that always struck me about CP in the series was that he would never hurt the villains. He even saved them someimes. He had a very strong sense of morals, and wouldn't really hurt anyone if he could avoid it. I think he could kill, if he really had to, but it would be the absolute last resort and even then he'd probably feel guilty about it. So I think maybe if you fleshed that part of the story out a bit more, it could be more convincing. Like really get into CP's mind, his feelings for Gaia, his struggle with wanting to protect her but still do the right thing.
Anyway, I hope that didn't come across as harsh, because I'm not intending it that way at all. I think you have a good story, but it would be even better if you fleshed it out a bit more, and really got into some inner motives of the characters.
Also, I don't normally bother writing true critiques much on this site, unless I really think the author actually wants some honest feedback. Since you're going back and re-writing your older fics, it seems like you're really trying to improve, so good job! Obviously you're getting better, and the more you keep writing, the better you'll get. :)
If you decide to go back and add another chapter with more details of the battle, that would be awesome, and I'd beta for you if you wanted.
Good job with this fic, and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future! :)
| Gromia chapter 1 . 5/16/2012
Much better than the previous version. But you still have some improving to do, dialogue-wise at least.
Here's an example:
"What was that all about?" Kwame asks."I have no clue. He said he wanted to distract me." Cap said. Still thinking of a reason.
The Planeteers give him puzzled looks, "From what?" Gi asks. "I dont know Gi."Cap says before he falls to his knees and cries out in pain.
"What was that all about?" Kwame asks.
"I have no clue. He said he wanted to distract me," Cap said, still thinking of a reason.
The Planeteers give him puzzled looks. "From what?" Gi asks.
"I don't know Gi," Cap says before he falls to his knees and cries out in pain.
It helps to follow the exchange better. And there's plenty of grammatical stuff, too. Not saying this to spite you, I assure you. I could beta the story for you, if you'd like me to.