|Reviews for Kira, Knight of Orb|
| Nivek Beldo chapter 5 . 1/2/2013
Well nice chapter, keep for the battle and was nice how your kira owned Natarle pretty easy.
And about Gundam AGE... I'm with you bro, that was horrible awful when kio enter the stage, heck even the kid have a great debut but not, was to be the second jesus yamato... and them those fucking plot twist, Akihiro Hino(Level-5 president and true criminal mastermind of AGE), that is all you fault.
| Aspygirl chapter 4 . 11/23/2012
Please update Scorpions Masterpiece! Am I annoying you yet?
| Aspygirl chapter 1 . 11/23/2012
Please update Scorpions Masterpiece!
| Guest chapter 4 . 10/14/2012
please update with an actual chapter? :DD can't wait for more of the story!
I love your author notes, btw XD
| lambda123 chapter 4 . 9/22/2012
Great story there, keep it up.
| Takeshi Yamato chapter 4 . 9/9/2012
Definitely been a while since your last update on this story. :)
I like the mecha file, though-Zaft has some pretty decent MS here.
I've also noticed two things:
1. You've stopped replying to reviews.
2. You also haven't responded to my PMs for a while.
May I ask the reason for this? Because I still want to work with you on a few things.
Anyway, I look forward to the next chapter, and hope it comes soon. :)
Azure Knight of the Raging Tempest
| KafeiDetour chapter 3 . 8/8/2012
Excellent story so far.
| lordfiresword chapter 1 . 6/17/2012
Hi Ni. I finally got around to reviewing one of your stories, although I’d be lying if I said Maderfole’s Reward had nothing to do with it. I personally found the extended description of the invaders’ weapons added a lot to the story, making it far more easily approachable to those of us less familiar with military equipment. The beginning of the “Twin Commanders” scene also stood out because of its highly depictive imagery and for having the original characters seem competent without being overpowered. There was a minor misspelling in that scene I wanted to point out because although it remains clear what you meant it bugs me when I do something similar. You wrote “Most of the torn holes were from Tei’s generous automatic fire, although there were one or two deep gouges from when Taka fired an overcharged single shot that penetrated right through a target ad (I assume this was intended as and) his armor.” The prologue as a whole, with the exception of the discovery of Kira, seemed a bit cold and analytical when there was quite a bit of potential for emotion. I suppose you might have been trying to make clear the cold ruthless nature of the attack but I tend to prefer a bit more emotion so it was somewhat off-putting. Overall the chapter was very well written and I have yet to read any story of yours I dislike so I will defiantly be keeping an eye on this story and I will eventually get around to reviewing your other stories … hopefully.
| Brainless1 chapter 2 . 6/17/2012
That was actually a nicely done chapter Ni. I have more questions from the prologue then I do the first chapter though I suppose was the point. I like that you didn’t try to explain all your changes up front and are allowing us to learn by osmosis. That’s my favorite literary device, not telling a reader about a world/change but showing it to them and letting them pick it up themselves.
The recap of recent history served a nice two-fold duty here. Both filling in those unfamiliar with the background of SEED, there are those people still wondering around, and at the same time showing informed reader that you haven’t drastically changed the back story to fit you AU. You did a good job of making the history feel like a story instead of a list, which is good considering the length it took, but should try to avoid such lengthy explanations latter in story. Background is good, background that takes up so much space can derail plot. But this is the beginning were exposition is both expected and appreciated so there really is no plot to disrupt yet.
Next is the introduction of the three main protagonists. Canard I understand considering his history, and the relationships of the OC from the prologue, but Sai seemed to be out of left field. Haven’t gotten to see him in action nor have I gotten to see the reasoning on that particular point yet so I’ll reserve my judgment. The banter between the boys was amusing though and enjoyed the little prank that Kira and Canard played on Sai by going on without him. The relationship between Sai and Flay seemed off, but considering the way they were talking about her I’m assuming that the divergent history of Sai is the reason for that. If that was your intention than I think you did a good job there.
The infiltration was handled well. I like the way you weaved the political realities of the team into the section and the realities of talent verses experience with the green coats taking the lead.
The info dump about the Orb prototypes in the separate warehouse is probably going to take a while to absorb but there wasn’t really a way to ease into that so I think you took the right path to their introduction, you showed them to us and will fill in the details latter when they actually matter instead of dragging down the action of the colony infiltration with info.
The rest of the chapter was mostly action and the flow felt right so I’ll leave it at that. Before I sign off I just want to say I like the intro to each section with the nicknames for who the section will focus on. I didn’t notice it at first but I like it.
| Slices chapter 3 . 6/16/2012
I'll look forward to reading the nrxt chapter.
| cargas chapter 1 . 6/16/2012
I really want to see knight of Orb akin to New Jedi Order (the force, lightsaber/beamsaber and all)
| Hcps123 chapter 1 . 6/13/2012
Hi, um this is a little awkward since you don't know me and I don't know you. I just want to say I'm not doing this for the CP, given Asmus and Lord's review ability there's no way in hell I can beat them but I did decided that it would benefit me to read other people's story's. I'm sorry I only have a selfish answer to give you but on the bright side it means I'm starting at the beginning, I hate it when I jump into the middle of a story.
You can also count on me to be honest, this is all base completely off my opinion and it's very possible that I am completely wrong but I won't hesitate to tell you want I think.
To start off I LOVE your word to the author, it was witty funny and innovative not to mention very real. Having a conversations with yourself is just instant comic relief and I was laughing pretty good...but that isn't the story.
Ok I know you wrote prologe but that really doesn't matter, this is in affect the first chapter of your story. It just takes place before your current timeline. The first couple of paragraphs of a story dictate the mood, pace, and most importantly of all the reader to your story. It doesn't matter how good your character grow, how kick ass the future fights are, or how mind blowing your plot twist are if your first couple of paragraphs are boring the reader will stop reading then and there and you'll most likely never be able to get them back.
That's why your first paragraphs have to be awesome or at the least make the reader want to continue reading to know more. The majority of this prologe was emotionless because you were telling it from third person (I'm not to hot in english, yea I know that hurts my credibity, so fill in which third person it was) which mean we saw everything but felt nothing.
I think your prologe would have been greatly improved by having this told from both the view of one of the escaping sciencetist and the leader of the Blue Cosmos troops. It's not enough to just tell me a masscared happen you have to show me a masscared happen, show me the panic the confusion as the civilions try to run for their lives, maybe to get home for his daughter's birthday.
I want to feel something when these people are getting killed not "And then man a gets killed, then man b" because that's how it came across. Another thing, you're very descriptive. That's good, it puts something in my mind, but I think you over did it a little. It's just fact, after fact, after fact breathe man god damn don't forget to breath.
If your description is going to take three long paragraphs put an action scene or two in there somehow. My low level intelligence can only process so much at a time, espically using military and weapon terms which I don't use normally so halway through that intro of Kira's uncles I was just like "god is this ever going to end, when am I going to get to an action scene."
Still I'm a little jealous of you, you have 15 reviews for three chapters...that's annoyingly impressive. That rounds out to 5 reviews every chapter vs. my own story that only has about 2 to 3 reviews per chapter. But I want to be honest with you, I'm just not interested. I'm sorry but I figured that it's better to tell you up front rather then get your hopes up.
If I were to read chapter 2 it would be because of the CP points and not because I liked your story and you as a writer deserve more then that.
| Dark Phoenix Jake chapter 3 . 6/10/2012
I like this story, I look forward to more chapters.
| Lyndine chapter 3 . 6/10/2012
Didn't you write on the previous chapter that Kira's a Lieutenant, not Commander?
| bleacher chapter 3 . 6/9/2012
so looking forward to the next chapter