Reviews for Agape in Fugue Minor
Danko Kaji chapter 1 . 2/19/2014
Review posted for the sake of preserving notes.

Sorrow has a Human Heart, my Beta Reader (for life).

{ "There are some corrective/editing decisions that I felt involved a little too much artistic freedom for me to do as an editor. Only you should make some of those decisions. Also, read them all, because I'm not perfect. When I beta read for someone, there are times when I have to look some things up that I'm not 100% certain of. Aside from playing a bit of a teaching role, this is why I try to explain every single thing I do in an editing capacity. After all, if I can't even justify the changes to myself, why in the hell should you accept it?

Anyhow, based upon my experience with this first chapter, I have the following suggestions to make:

-Brush up on comma and semi-colon usage.

-Brush up on rules for dialogue punctuation and construction.

-While writing, keep the reader's needs in mind. Especially clarity! Let's face it, some of them are a little thick in the skull, and while I'm not advocating making your work stupid-friendly, your intended audience shouldn't have to re-read parts to know who's speaking, or what's being referred to. (I had to.)

-Watch out for the level of "purple prose" that you use. Metaphors and pretty language can spice up a piece of writing, and make it more interesting. That being said, ever eat something too sweet? Too much purple prose is a lot like that. It's a lot like taking the scenic route, but the scenery is so intense that the reader gets lost. I'm not saying don't use it at all. After all, this fic deals with a lot of spiritual and psychological content. Some particularly ornate writing is very appropriate. Not to mention, that to an extent, some of that pretty language is just your style. I'm not about to sit here and tell someone that her style is "wrong" That would be bullshit. More like it could use a little refinement, because it's just that whole reader's clarity thing again...

I don't remember if you have or not, but if you haven't, I'd recommend putting in an author's note at the beginning that this story does involve a trip back through time (and incidents of life flashing before one's eyes, considering that first chapter.)

On a positive note, Chapter One was very intense. At first, I thought that the backwards-move through time had already begun, but the very last line made it clear that Baralai was just recalling his life. The emotional struggle throughout was also very, very easy to relate to for me. Empathizing with a such an angry force can be quite scary!

Anyhow, let me know what you think-comments, questions, and complaints are all welcome. :P

Lots of Lurve,

Jackie" }
Shinzhon chapter 2 . 11/17/2012
... Give me the next. You made Braska and the others come, you gave me just a glimple of Baralai's past and nooow, you dare ending the chapter ! ... Aw gosh, what a great fanfic.. that will never finish to surprise me
Shinzhon chapter 1 . 11/17/2012
Oh my. Oh my god. Oh. my. ... damn g.. YEVON. That was great, that's all I can say (my english is a little bit too poor to a great freaking praise of your writing). All those dialogues, I was all like.. stucked in, the whole time ! Ordinarily I just run out if a chapter is too long but thise time it was.. different, nobody never writes about the Crimson Squad and I'm all like "Why ? WHY !?" that's one of the greatest moments of the games for me, I searched hours with my sister to get the spheres (we had it all but in various loads... damn.)
OneThousandCuts chapter 1 . 5/17/2012
Wow, looks like a flash-back from hell, and then some. But, you did mention about something of a story that unfolds through's actually quite trippy. Not a bad thing...not at all, considering that you're dealing with possession.

"Hate evolves from love. Justice becomes murder in disguise." I liked this line in particular. It kind of seems to fit one of the stories major themes. And, let's face it, a fact of reality...

It will be interesting to see where this goes, given that you've already covered the major FFX-2 events with Baralai here.