|Reviews for SuFin Chilly Winter|
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/2
Loved it :3
| Grammar Police chapter 1 . 9/10/2013
It could use some improvement.
1. When Berwald is speaking, you should occasionally drop a vowel or two. However, this does not apply to every word. Also, you were dropping too many consonants, making it hard to figure out what he was saying at times.
2. You need more description and a larger variety of sentences. Without that, it can get a bit boring and choppy. Which is more interesting to read:
"The sun shined on the dew. The dew made the flowers sparkle."
"The gentle sunlight shined on the dew drops, making the delicate flowers sparkle like gems."
I'm not saying all of your sentences have to be like that, though. Like the simple sentences you were using, they can get a bit tiring.
3. "He smiled down at their little dog and asked how Berwald was." In this situation, not including the dialogue makes it a little awkward. Also, you should save that dialogue for after Berwald and Tino tell each other how much they missed each other. It would make more sense that way, since they've been apart for so long.
"I know... I Mi'ed you so 'uch..." Why did you capitalize the m?
"I missed you to..." In this case, you should use too. Remember, to is a preposition. Too means excessive or also.
"View user profile Send private message Send e-mail .eu" What's with this part at the end?
"Hanatamago curled up next to his owners' feet." Hanatamago is a girl.
4. Sweden and Finland seem a bit out of character. When you make them say or do something in a fanfic, you should always try to imagine what they would say or do in the anime/webcomic.
That's all that I could find. I didn't read all of it, so I might have missed something. Anyway, make sure to remember what I told you the next time you write fanfiction!
| Ortiebort12 chapter 1 . 6/29/2013
Love the story. I hope you make more. Please inform me when you make more
| Xxanimefangurl2294xX chapter 1 . 12/20/2012
Aw sweet smutty goodness i Loved it C:
| lilithemaid chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
wow! This fanfic was juts perfect! One of the bests! I hope I hear more of you! I really liked it and hope I can read more like this one. continue the good job!
| otakuchick chapter 1 . 10/30/2012
Berwald some times dosent pronounce vowels so u shouldn't omit concinents 's confusing
| Sympathy for the Lost Love chapter 1 . 9/20/2012
Hanatamago is a girl
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/2/2012
View user profile Send private message Send e-mail .eu
Reply with quote Edit/Delete this post Delete this post View IP address of poster
What's with this random quote from near the end?
| ChaoticAnarchy6688 chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
This was a wonderful story, but, if I may, I have a few suggestions. First, either carefully proof read your stories yourself, or get a beta(someone else to proof read your stories, who you trust to make alterations). Second, you've used both present and past tense in the same sentence, try to keep you story in either the past, present, or future tenses, it will flow better that way. Third, if I've insulted you in some way by making these suggestions I sincerly apologize.
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/28/2012
Good story,though Berwald's speech quirk was really off and rather distracting. He occasionally drops the sound of the vowels not the constanents and this doesn't apply to every word. Other than that good job!