|Reviews for What If?|
| guest chapter 11 . 6/13/2014
Loved it! Very different from the other fics, but absolutely wonderful :-)
| meeb chapter 11 . 6/11/2014
I really enjoyed this.
One of my favorite lines was "For him - she was a shooting star he'd tried to catch." This seems to capture the whole Jesse/Jane dynamic - especially when thinking about Jesse's heartbreak at the Shooting Gallery.
The end of the story - when Mr. White wakes Jesse up was also quite moving - with the lines about what each was giving up.
I hope you write more BB fiction.
Thank you for posting.
| RavenGaleSpencer chapter 6 . 12/24/2012
Woot! You updated! :D
Wow, Brock and Andrea dead. :O Major dilemma now. In this reality, Jesse's hands are pretty much clean. Emilio and Krazy 8 are alive. Combo, Gale, Jane and Donald are alive. But it comes at the cost of Andrea, Brock and Walt, whom he also cares about deeply. Then again, would he want to just go back to the other reality now that he has a second chance with Jane? Definitely a tough one for him.
The only small criticism I have is the line about "The Crow." I haven't seen "The Crow," so I had to read that part twice to pick up on the fact that it was Jane's way of comprehending that she and Jesse knew each other (in more than one sense of the word) in an alternate reality. It would have been easier if she had just said something more straightforward, like "So, you're saying we were together in another timeline?"
I know this story is all Jesse's POV, but I would really love it if there were some more insight into Jane's feelings on this whole issue. She seems to have no trouble accepting "We screwed in an alternate reality, then I died and you dated this other girl." And she offers to help just because she has "fuck-all else to do today." It would have been nice to see her struggle a little more to come to grips with this. You wouldn't have to switch viewpoints to her, but maybe as Jesse's talking she suddenly needs to run out to the back to get a cigarette because it's so much to take in. There's definitely some potential in the line, "Even if she didn't want to admit it to herself, maybe there was some flash of realization, of dream or memory, that knew that Jesse loved her." But it would have been super cool to hear Jane actually say it herself. "I had a dream about that new mattress. It was a king size and had a pillow top." Or, "I just had a vision of us next door in foldup chairs." Something like that would make it more believable that she's on board for this. :)
TLDR: Love it, but wouldn't have minded a little more beefing up. :)
| Michelle chapter 1 . 10/8/2012
This really isn't a bad concept. I loved the way Jesse reacted to hearing Combo and Gale's voices still alive on the phone. I didn't really care for the way he just accidentally stumbled into Jane at the store, though. It didn't even occur to him to call her, like he did Gale? After just hearing Combo-one of his best friends-still alive on the phone again, you would think he'd automatically want to call Jane. You could have even played with the voicemail thing. Like, he started to hear the voicemail message that he kept calling after she died...and then she picked up.
I also found it a little hard to believe how quickly Jane agreed to a date. When Jesse was her tenant, she took awhile to warm up to him. I could see how he might have blurted out that he wanted to go out with her when they just met in this alternate reality, because he's so desperate not to lose her this time. But I would have had an easier time believing it if she brushed him off at first, but he kept manufacturing ways to run into her. Maybe just "coincidentally" showing up at her tattoo parlor, or pretending to be interested in the apartment.
All in all, I'm interested to see where this is going. But there's just one thing that this story seems to be leaving out. What about Andrea and Brock? Jesse never really seemed as close to Andrea as he was to Jane, but he loves Brock. He should at least be curious about where they are now...since in this reality he never gave Andrea money to move. Not to mention her little brother still works for Gus's dealers.
| mmsbddvr chapter 5 . 9/16/2012
Pinkman should seriously cook. But going straight and narrow could be interesting too.
| NikTaylor42 chapter 4 . 7/8/2012
This is a really interesting concept you have here, and I'm excited to see where you go with it. Will Jesse and Jane stay together? What happened to Walt? Also, I'm curious as to how you'll end up explaining the fact that he's been transported to another dimension. Will it just be explained away as 'magic', or will there be science behind it? Gods, perhaps? Or is it all just a crazy trip of his? Anyway, great, great job. I'm looking forward to reading more.
| bubblesquirt chapter 3 . 5/23/2012
Forgot to mention how I loved Jesses reaction to combo still being alive I'm the first chapter. Another great chapter but when will you update again? I'm so excited to see where you go with this!
| bubblesquirt chapter 2 . 5/23/2012
Loving the longer chapter and I LOVE how he ran into Jane! How spoiled are we that you put up 3 chapters at once?
| bubblesquirt chapter 1 . 5/23/2012
Omg this is so totally awesome!
| vesperlynds chapter 2 . 5/23/2012
This is such an interesting story and I am really loving it so far.
| vesperlynds chapter 1 . 5/23/2012
This is a really interesting concept and I am am excited to see where you go from here.