|Reviews for Wrong Italy|
| RKdreamer chapter 16 . 3/30
Omg! This couple is so cute! Please continue this story please! I hope you update this amazing story soon!
| Moi la chatte chapter 1 . 12/23/2013
H-hi! Well, I'd like to translate your fanfic to Spanish... I just love it! It's awesome, and this is one of my OTPs. Please...
| Fiandalin chapter 16 . 11/30/2013
Please, continue writing,..
| ShiroiNami45 chapter 16 . 3/14/2013
Honestly, I loved this story so much that I neglected to do my homework and study for a test because I was so hooked.
| Joseppe chapter 7 . 3/11/2013
Plot; The dream sequence was a risky thing to expouse with, but it paid off tremendously. It's the double imagery that works here, with every angelic hug in his dreamscape being a possible Roman hug in the real world. -
Besides that, I liked the inclusion of Hungary here. She opened the route for the adorable ending sequence, which for me is one of the defining moments of this series. Cute, memorable, and quite plot-heavy!
It receives a 9/10.
Characters; ROMANO, Romano, ROMANO. Your efforts to flesh him out have resulted in a massive increase in sympathy For the poor kid. Little else to say, for the rest is the same asxlast time. :I
Language; Ya know, I'm not one to dock a LOT of points for spelling, grammar, and the like. I get that typos will rear their ugly tails every so often, and that they're accidental.
But I am now presented with an error that HAD to have been on purpose. "The He." I've talked about this before, but it's absolutely worth mentioning again.
All FIFTY-SIX of these starters have FAR outstayed their welcome. The only thing they're getting now is a smoldering crater right between the letters. Allow me to act out my experiences with this pernicious little twerp of a word.
":D Well then! How unique. Yet more sympathy for little Romano, all well-earned by his scars. Still the interesting protagonist I know him for. c:"
"Ah, yes! I quite like how Turkey's massive presence echoes throughout the entire tale, and...
Huh. Uh well. That's... :I"
"Mkay, now it's getting annoying. .-. Seriously."
"This is absolutely ridiculous."
At some point, I stepped out of the cutesy-wootsy atmosphere and shifted my perspective outwards a click. This is less a living, breathing story than a otaku terminator uploading his recent activity log in the form of a Fanfic. (If that's the truth, my money's on Turkey. _") The lack of sentence variety has effectively lobotomized this story, turning it into a mission log of sorts. Look...
Descriotive language? Excellent as usual, and considering the storybook nature of this chapter, it's all the more important.
But this category receives a 5.9/10.
Overall; Besides the language, I loved this to death. :3 The amount of exposition it delivers without seeming at all boring simply astonishes me, and I simply adore your characters.
| Joseppe chapter 6 . 3/5/2013
Plot; Well, ain't that a fine how-do-you-do. Never thought I'd see solitary confinement in a Hetalia fic. But it just works so well here! Yet another tense moment between Romano and HRE that manages to be actually a bit scary. The sympathy I felt for Romano drove me onward, along with my wondering what the effect of this little experiment would be.
Speaking of that, the ending and overall impact of this chapter is just what the series needed. It was beginning to fall into a routine of sorts with playful antics mixed with deep character development. Not stale, per se, but I wasn't thinking "What's going to happen to Romano?"
I was wondering how he would get out of trouble.
A very big difference indeed, and I'm glad you changed it. Now, the RomanoEmpirean pairing that was the core of this story has grown enough to change the mood.
And with this change from slight, awkward glances to the firstfruits of a healthy relationship, interest blooms. 9/10.
Characters: Oh, sure, I'd just be repeatimg myself. ,_,
Instead, I'd like to focus on the side characters.
France and Turkey, specifically.
Turkey is given a bit of a bad rep, and although he can indeed be a bit... Overbearing, I regret the fact that you didn't keep him as a kindly old man. :T Ech, blech.
But France. ;; Above and way, way beyond. His devilish schemes finally come into play, and I wasn't at all disappointed see plot yadda yadda. His methods are quite barbaric compared to his usual fluorishes, further driving home the desperation of this situation.
No rating, other than what I've already given. -
Language; Well, shit. The language is, hm, exactly the same. Well... Yeah. No better, no worse. It remains constant at the same high level of quality. 8.3/10.
Overall? A Climax that didn't dissapoint. Certainly, it shll be different from here on out now that they're opening up to each other. Hooray for ending the onset of stagnation.
| Joseppe chapter 5 . 2/26/2013
Plot; Ah, a fun little departure from the stress of the last chapter.
Besides that dream sequence (which was handled quite well), it's all The Hetalian Antics I've come to love. :3
Side thing; .-. Further evidence all rants I've posted are innacurate...
I never once considered the tide of action.
I was so caught up in all the postulatin' that I forgot that humorous asides would be neccesary. ,_, Blech, sorry.
End Side thing.
I love how you kept it light and bubbly, yet kept the events from the past stewing in the back of our minds. It's much the inverse of the last chapter, in which the darkittiness was splashed with a smattering of cute Romano-iness. -w- You kelt the plot moving along nicely, despite the humor it now exudes.
Well done! 9/10.
Characters; Romano is officially th bastard of this fic.
A sympathetic one, but a bastard nonetheless. o-o
I simultaneously feel for him and hate his guts for being so pissy.
Although, le pissiness is just another good way in which you showed his internal conflict. Romano remains the most interesting character for me, followed by HRE and Veneziano.
I feel like they make an excellent *sigh* love triangle. -_-
Veneziano's simplicity keeps it Hetalian enough while bringing the othere back down to earth. HRE's Fortitude and licentiousness contrast both brothers, and it's interesting to see how two bros cut from the same cloth are so damn different when it comes to fluff-dom. _
Romano's Reactions are genuinely funny, although a bit repetitive. His rudeness is by far the funniest thing here. His blunt responses to natural Hetalian Fare made my day. "What a fag."
That line KILLED me. ;;
His feelings manifest themselves in his actions, with hilarious consequences.
Keep this setup going, and you're golden. Just be sure to advance it to keep the staleness at bay. :P
Language; Another change... Short snippets of dialogue, followed by cheekily-flavored exposition. Again, the narrator is all over the place...
And, might I add, most of the uses are not that funny, blech. Useful for showing each character's detailed thoughts, yes, but simply not funny. :I The humor route has failed, but its usefulness is simply too great to ignore. Neutral, I say. : P
Mini-asides aside, This style feels predictable, and gets a bit old in the end, but it's not tok bad. I woulda liked to have seen some variation, that's all. ;
Overall; The much-needed comic relief has arrived, whooping and hollering its way around its predecessors! It may not be the greatest, but BOY, can it make ya laugh! And it doesn't let the rest of the plot down either! At the enduva day, the rest of the chapters will look down at poor ol' comic relief and say he did a swell job. Make 'em laugh!
Ain't that enough? 8.9/10.
Improvemnts; Not many at all. Vary the structure a bit, perhaps?
Keep the *cough* triangle, of course. And maybe stop portraying poor ol' france as a serial rapist. ;; Aw, C'mon...
Blech, that's all I got. God Bless!
| Joseppe chapter 4 . 2/24/2013
Plot: .-. It pains me to use the words "clever corruption" in the same sentence, but that's exactly what this is... I see.
This is a serious, intriguing story about how something fans would take for granted would develop realistically.
The events are small-scale, yet endlessly interesting.
Side Note: If these events are indeed small-scale, then wouldn't these narion's, well, national status invoke images of some worldwide event?
Whenever I picture Turkey chasing Romano, I see legions of Turkish troops storming the boots of Italia. The parodical nature of Hetalia itself interferes with the...
I feel restrained by the other two categories, so I'll get them out of the way. Characters; Excellent. Language; Space better, but otherwise, great.
This really is where the brunt, nay, ALL of my commentary shall reside.
For ease of access, everything else is referring to the plot.
Mkay. Real Talk. u_u
Bluntly, the the very fact that this is a Hetalia fanfic holds it back.
The style you're writing this in is too realistic, too raw, too relatable for this series.
If you saw it fit to write this series in your own style, rewriting this series, acclimating it to small but powerful personal events, and showing the deep psychological effects of homosexual thoughts, go ahead. I applaud thee, writer of fandom fun and fiction fancy free.
But you forget; Hetalia is a four-panel anime comic strip.
The characters will always be connected to this format, always thrive in it. And when they're not placed in it, the lack of continuity and light edginess is sure to follow. It must, for without these things, you are left with nothing more than a simple group of characters and the baggage they carry from their previous works.
That's the clincher. Romano, HRE, Turkey... They all make excellent characters, so it's no wonder you'd write a fanfic about them.
But i simply can't do it. I can't disconnect myself from this "informal continuity". It's simply too powerful. -_-
I do have a vision, however. One in which the characters of Romano and company are the same, yet different. A story in which there areno personifications, just people. Where, most importantly, I can judge this story without being weighed down by the shackles of Italy in a dress.
That's another thing. Romano's song may just be the most touching thing I have read in this fic thus far, being both comedic and emotional.
But it's the only HETALIA in this fic. The rest is the realsemidarkity I've been ranting about.
But what's most INTERESTING to me is that this doesn't feel AT ALL like it's corrupting the characters. They feel like extensions of their former, oficually-written selves; Your take on how they would be.
Obviously. I have to admire this. Not a hint of deviation. The characters are just as good as the plot.
...I forgot where I was going with this.
Ah, yes. Bulleted lists, why not? :I
There are two possibilities, the way I see it.
- You made this realistic to make it stand out from the billions of snappy fics stuck to this site.
- You never intended to do so, and ran with the characters, ending up back in your usual style.
But why Hetalia? Your style seem more suited to original works, methinks...
• It inspires you from the start with its charm, its familiarity infusing your brain with new ideas simply because of the good vibes you had with it.
• The very same good vibes resonate with the readers. You hardly need to introduce or develop the basic characters, because you wouldn't be seeking thia fanfic out unless you already know about Hetalia.
.-. I think I'm done ranting.
Well, I'm not even sure whether what I said was clear or not, but as long as you glean something useful from it, my poor aching thumbs were not sacrified in vain.
| Joseppe chapter 3 . 2/22/2013
I believe I was promised a climax. Or at least some sort of devilish plot put into action.
Not exactly what I ordered, is it?
I mean, you hooked me with that ending; I was hoping for a battle of National wits, or at least Veneziano running around, making a mess of things. But no! Cruelly betray all my shallow literary assumptions, will ya? D:
I can't believe you replaced a perfectly good CHIBI NOTE with...
...with character development. ._.
...that is both cute, serious, and deals with topics like sexuality and abuse cleverly and subtly.
...that is surprisingly complex in its realistic social interactions, and is quite deep if examined closely.
...that will make the climax of this fic all the better, that by butchering these hand-fed, longtime-developed lambs to the fire (or saving them), ever greater emotions can be produced.
ALL IS FORGIVEN.
9.3/10 for the plot. ;w;
Characters; I may have discussed this a lot in the last section, but it's VERY important.
If you're going to undertake this task of turning these characters into something new, ie HRE, be sure that you don't do two things;
A. Eliminate his character in the end.
B. Leave out the mental struggle that would absolutely ensue and have them slobber over each other from the get-go.
For God's sake, what you have going with HRE is magical. Perhaps, the most interesting part of the series thus far, and he's but a single character...
Language; Such heights of expense and opulence cannot possibly survive as a setting unless described in crisp, glassy detail. The flavor text in the paragraphs fulfills this requirement and allows the character's reactions to add to the comedy.
I do wish you exaggerated the LANGUAGE a bit more, though. While great, it would be fun to see riskier, more interesting words take its place. Then have the characters sharply contrast the grandeur they have just witnessed.
Overall: A wonderful, WONDERFUL surprise of a chapter that makes up for the disappointment I experienced going from the last chapter to this one. 9/10 exactly for leaving the Hungarian promise from the past intact, making the present a weird little gift, and setting things up for the future.
Improvements; Downplay HRE's development, but still leave it to gnaw in the back of the reader's mind. I thank you dearly for not starting with them already fluffing it up. x3
Save the Romano/Veneziano sibling rivalry/friendship for when it's unexpected. Show the events of the plot from both of their perspectives...
That's all. God Bless!
| Joseppe chapter 2 . 2/21/2013
.-. Well... I'm not sure what to say. I'm absolutely flabbergasted.
Um... Instead of having one uniform style, or having two extreme styles, this switches so many times that it gets VERY difficult to follow.
It starts off in a haze of derpy confusion, then gts more serious with Italy's attempts to preserve his land.
Side note: I LOVED that scene. As of right now, that's the single mot memorable thing about the series to me so far. Cute, but still serious. Excellent.
It then segues into a tense, restrained setting that wisely bottles up the climax for the next chapter, instead of merely getting it over with.
Heck, the Death-Notey antics I predict to occur next time around are more than enough to make this a real cliffhanger of sorts.
So... Although it seems a bit indecisive about the style, and doesn't blend styles that well, each style is nevertheless done very well.
Plot receives the score of an 8.0/10.
Characters: Everyone seems a bit riled up in this chapter. And while this does add tension, it does not detract from them at all! The distinct vocal patterns are here again, thank god.
Side note: France... He seems to be getting the brunt of the attention here for villain comparisons, and I'm not to keen about that. Perhaps this is another way you've exaggerated the character, or just my fandom talking, but France ain't THAT evil. ;;
I LOVE Veneciano and HRE in this fic. Personalities completely intact, and the interactions between them are rightfully the best part of the story. In fact, I daresay you have one of the beat Italies I've seen in a fic thus far. Loads of folks either make him cute OR a pissant, and you've correctly combined both.
However, most of the background characters like Austria and Hungary are just... Bland. .-. Accurate, but they don't do much or stand out at all. Tis' better to have more high-quality characters than loads of tiny ones to roll the giant cardboard plot over like human machinery. :I Forgive that comparison.
But anyway, the Terra Firma of this fic is damnably firma, despite its flaws. 8.0/10.
Language: Another quirky addition to this score... The narrator, of all things! It seems to be on Italy's side at times, and HRE's at others. It's more than a bit inconsistent. And indecisive, might I add?
However, it does help the emotions from the dialogue carry on through the exposition... But it's little repayment for a narrator that could almost be a character him/herself. Admittedly, this CAN be used correctly, but here, it ain't. It's too confusing to see a third-person narrator wity multiple personalities take the wheel. 6.9/10.
Overall: An unusual continuation to the unusual first chapter. Not as good, but it has its charms. I would work on CONSISTENCY a bit more, as style-flopping makes the pacing here skyrocket, leaving many scratching their heads in confusion.
Improvements; Besides consistency, I would have made the sude characters a bit more developed. Hungary, Austria, and even Spain suffer from this blight... I implore you to wonder if it's worth leaving them in at all. That's all for now.
| joseppe chapter 1 . 2/20/2013
And it gets an 8.6/10.
Forgot about that.
| Joseppe part 2 chapter 1 . 2/20/2013
.-. Apparently I DID hit the submit button a bit too soon... :P
Characters, Language, Final Score and Improvements contained here.
Characters: A rare case of TOTALLY WORTH IT. HRE isn't THAT exaggerated I don't believe, but because he is, *shot for repetition*. You improve upon some characters, while leaving the rest perfectly accurate. Romano, for example. His unquenchable hujger tomatoes is exaggerated, but it's so endearing that it makes up for it.
A very good 8.9/10.
Language: Goes hand in hand with sentence structure. The blocks of text are back, although markedly more bearable than before. Small, unintrusive bits of flavor text really take the work out of them.
AND IT HELPS DURING THE FIRST SECTION, IN WHO-
OVERALL: If this is what I have to look forward to, then I truly can't wait. This first chapter is truly marvelous. It's like putting ice cream and, I dunno, steak together into one delicious icetakream of sorts. If you can get past the initial shock, it's AMAZING.
Although, I suppose this comparison doesn't really work, because the shock comes after secTION O-
IMPROVEMENTS: Mkay, jokes aside, Take chapter one and make more of it, but add small, lighthearted bits of exposition. More of them, I mean. My vision for this fic is a fast-paced, humorous fluffstorm that practically parodies itself. Characters should live in the moment, being exaggerated but believable, but... Actually, just look at the Hetalia Christmas special. Can't explain it any better than that. ;
| Joseppe chapter 1 . 2/20/2013
Plot: .-. Well, no time wasted here.
It is ENDLESSLY entertaining to see HRE skip about trying to gain Romano's hand like Romantic lovers. Literally, I was in hysterics at the IMAGE of it all. The first half is just pure entertainment, and the second half...
Well, it reverts. Back to the old mountains-out-of-molehills idea you used in the first few chapters of Sea of Ice. Not a bad thing, but after basking in the lungbuster that precedes its use, it is utterly outclassed.
That's another thing; I came into this expecting the humor to last all the way through. If you truly did extend the comedy from the first chapter to fifteen chapters long, I would praise it until my keyboard stuck to the skin on my hands, and the only way to type is to flail about like a dying spider. I would clap continuously til' the next chapter came out, because typing while clapping is DUMB.
It'snot BAD, but they contradict each other in both quality and mood.
It's like Eating all of the cheese on a piece of pizza first, and freezing in place out of pure culinary satisfaction. You still have to convince yourself to eat the soggy crust afterwards, and now there's no cheese to help you through it!
But wait, Joseppe! Why can't you just critique them for what they are, instead of comparing them side by side? Well, much like a canopy of mozzerella and a mushy crust-like substance, they were obviously both one piece of pizza at some point.
So, plot gets a 7.9/10. There's simply too much inconsistency to stomach in one slice.
Also, referring to the characters as personifications... Interesting, in a bad way. Isn't the purpose of this fic to transport the reader to another realm? In this case, one chock-full of fluff. .-. But still, when you use language like that, not only does it break any sort of verbal flow, it also takes me right out of the story. I think "Why, yes, he is a personification of a real-world country!" And then I am harshly reminded of the real world... The term Italy means an actual place, instead of a character. It's like if the main character was a perfectly ordinary duck in every way, except he can fight crime by day and do taxes by night or some shit. : P
And everyone just calls him...
It not only doesn't do him justice, it DEGRADES him.
And in this fic's case, it DEHUMANIZES them.
It just seems... Foolish.
I feel that being harsh on this one word is absolutely neccesary, because this word has cropped up in other fics too... Curse my memory, but I overlooked it until now. No longer. :I
| JustBePerfect chapter 16 . 2/13/2013
I just read it, it was really nice I mean I almost didn't sleep because I was like I need to finish it and know what it's gonna happen. But just tell me it isn't over yet, right?
By the way I'm mexican so if you want I can help you with the spanish parts at least to correct them because the first time that I read them was kind of weird but I think I kinda understand what you write.
Anyway it was a really beautiful and awesome fic I fell in love with it and I need more :D
| Goddess of the Multiverses chapter 16 . 1/22/2013
That was so cute. I love your whole story, I've just been trying to finish all sixteen chapters so I could review xD I swear this makes me love HRE and Roma(both as a couple and seperately) all the much more! Amazingness! :3