|Reviews for Pittsburgh, a LetMeIn2 fan fiction|
| Mikallein chapter 4 . 7/10/2015
I looked up the song that the two boys perform for Abby and I have to say that not only did it add to my experience with this story but it's also a pretty good song. I listened to it once before reading this chapter and once more before I started writing this.
The first listen my thought process was along the lines of "hey this is a pretty cool song"
With my second listen however, I became Alvirez for just a moment. I got goosebumps when the backup singers sang "oo-oooh" imagining Abby's voice instead. I felt Alvirez excitement and confusion at hearing Abby's voice for the first time here of all places. On a garage bands master mix tape.
I could be mistaken in this but I don't think Abby ever spoke to or spoke in the presence of Alvirez. To her he was just simply someone to tolerate because Owen trusts him. Which would mean that this recording of her singing and talking would be the only time he will ever hear her voice. Interesting eh?
I feel like I'm more sympathetic to Randy then the story wants me to be. (Or at least Abby wants me to be) Sure he is kinda an A-Hole but so is Tony Stark, and almost every person you ask will say that they like his character. Sure he thought she was a freak after a while, but he did not CALL her a freak until after she almost killed him before Dale arrived.
I don't think he fully understood what was about to happen when she was moving to turn the lights off, but he must have subconsciously knew that he was in danger and his fight or flight instincts were activating, hence the hair on his neck standing up. If I was put in his place I would no doubt want her as far away from my house as well after getting such a dangerous vibe from her. Although I may not have verbalized it and I would certainly not have resorted to calling her names to make her want to leave.
Being teased and bullied as a kid myself, once I hit my growth spurt and got into my teenage years I decided to always try to be nice and respectful to kids younger then myself. Tried to put a stop to the "age oppression" as I saw it. And it fostered some good results. Now that I'm in my young adult life some of my best friends are now 17 and 18 year Olds that I used to hang with 5 or so years ago when none of the kids my own age would. Maybe if Randy lived by a similar code he would still be alive.
I definitely don't think Randy and I would have been friends if we had gone to the same school for example. I can't stand people who put down ones younger then themselves. Although Dale on the other hand, he seems like my kinda people. Going out of his way to try and make Abby more comfortable.
And then there is Agent Charles Alvirez. I think that using him as a way to draw the story back to LMI2 and conclude the story was very well executed, and kept the suspense of what exactly had happened even though we know SOMETHING happend until he listens to the tape.
Super tiny knit pick incoming: I think it might have been cooler to keep the exact identity of the investigating agent a mystery until the last line. No doubt readers would suspect Alvirez, and perhaps expect Alvirez. But a reveal at the end would have sounded a bit cooler in my opinion.
The final line reading like "She drew in a quick audible breath and let out another, one that Charles Alvirez knew it would be impossible to forget"
Dun dun DUUUN!
I also would have thrown a middle name in there for Alvirez seeing as how I don't think Lee kyle ever gave him one.
I may be totally wrong about this, just a cool idea that came into my head while reading this.
All in all a great story and addition to the LMI cannon in my mind. Can't wait to start reading Coalesce. :D
| Mikallein chapter 3 . 7/9/2015
Huh, well I have say that I was definitely not expecting this outcome. Abby has proven she can fight off multiple enemies. So I'm wondering what difference one extra teenager would make. Perhaps the monster is keeping her from taking unnecessary risk? Or maybe it's her humanity shining through ever so slightly. Dale is nice where as randy is mean to her, so she is trying to spare Dale maybe?
It's a really cute scene, Abby on the stairs listening to them play, and even being convinced to sing a little. To bad Randy has to ruin it.
Also the line from Dale "had- had randy taken her shoes?!" had me chuckling.
Good stuff : )
| Mikallein chapter 2 . 7/8/2015
Mahgoodness! It just got real down in that basement right-quick!
Whoever just came in (I'm assuming it's Dale), he just saved Randy's bacon, but quite possibly only for the moment. And the newcomer very well may get eaten too.
So far I love your continuing the tradition of watching Abby from another person's viewpoint, never her own.I feel it adds so much to the mystery that is Abby, never knowing exactly what she is thinking and having to rely on other characters to piece things together. I as the reader know that she is capable of love, kindness, mercy and restraint. However I also know that she has brutally murdered HUNDREDS of innocent people over her life time.
So even though I have all this knowledge about this character, I can never be ONE HUNDRED percent sure what she is going to do in any situation because I can't see into her thoughts. Which adds to the experience in my opinion. And allows for great moments like this.
| Mikallein chapter 1 . 7/7/2015
After reading Lee kyle's Let Me in 2 I thought I would never read another LMI fan fiction by a different author.
But I have decided that was a narrow minded approach and have (slowly) started to broaden out. And I'm very glad I did!
When Abby asked "Can you help me" I had flashbacks to Abby in the tunnel with the jogging guy: "Can you carry me?"
I find it interesting that she chooses (at least in those two instances) to pray on people who are trying to help.
I mean, I only assume she is going to eat she didn't need to eat she would be with Owen right?
Oh well, guess I will find out.
More to come : )
| Lee Kyle chapter 4 . 11/20/2012
I had a little trouble keeping the POV straight in some of the chapters.
It is interesting to see Abby interact with someone other than Owen and Thomas, at least for long enough that she can develop like or dislike for that person. Is this unusual? Or does she often interact with her victims before dining? Is she at some level trying to find people who deserve to get nommed?
The switch to Alvirez' POV is a creative way of bringing the story to a conclusion. I like how you think outside the box!
| gkmoberg1 chapter 3 . 7/16/2012
Thank you for your kind words.
I wanted to write Abby "in character" for this story, but found I was in trouble with where this story goes. As part of writing Ch3, I watched the movie again, with an eye on her role, and re-read parts of LMI2. But neither presents Abby in the manner I had placed her. In this story, she is on the hunt. This is a role we hardly get to see in LMI or LMI2. As well, she is angered by Randy's insolence. There is no equiv in LMI or LMI2. So I was forced to invent - and that had not at all been my goal. What I did was base Abby's reaction on how I think a strong, experienced, confident yet eternally twelve year old huntress would proceed. Children - adults as well - don't like being talked about in front of themselves, especially in a disparaging tone. While most adults can brush aside something like this, the reaction of a child differs. Yet this child, this unique child, has 200 years of experience on her side. How she would act in this situation "in character" is impossible to know. Still I hope I captured a realistic reaction, one that keeps readers with the story.
I ended the chapter with her left able to make a choice. I too wonder what Abby would choose for her next steps. What are her drives at a moment such as this? What runs through her head during the act of the hunt? Does she see herself as one capable of choosing life and death over a set of possible victims?
| Lee Kyle chapter 3 . 7/14/2012
Great tension maintained throughout chapter, which is impressive since we know at least one character is almost certainly going to get eaten. Who will it be, and why? I really like how you found a way to expand on Abby's character that is not present in LMI or LMI2: Abby choosing who to eat, and why. It explores her inner motivations in a new way. Very interesting! More to follow...
| Rocker9514 chapter 4 . 7/5/2012
I don't know if you plan to add more to this story or do other LMI 2 inspired fics, but this was great.
A really good ending. It was half-unexpected and very well written.
Although I'm not really sad Randy died, I'm really glad it wasn't Dale. Even if he did have his flaws, Abby recognized the good person Dale was, and that plain and simple screwed Randy. He truly was an A-class jerk. Even after he had learned her name, jammed with hher, and gotten to know her a little bit better he still referred to her as "freak".
It was nice that you added Behind Blue Eyes (the song's been stuck in my head for a week xD). It kind of makes you feel sympathetic for him if you don't know what the song means.
In the end Abby rid the world of a good musician but A-class jerk, and that makes me feel... better? (I don't know it just angered me how he referred to her as freak).
I really liked this story. Hope to read more of your works in the future.
| Rocker9514 chapter 3 . 6/28/2012
Weird. Now they're comments.
Wow. Nice chapter.
Dale certainly IS the nice guy, while Randy appeared to be ,although not certainly a bad person, very rude and a bit of a doushbag. It wasn't until Dale introduced himself that I realized that Randy hadn't even bothered to ask her name and referred to her as FREAK. Dale is a genuine nice guy, which will apparently make his departure sadder for me.
I really liked the whole music scene as well as Dale trying to make Abby more comfortable by her joining in. Even if she will never admitted she definitely seemed to enjoy singing or at least being part of it. And since this is a LMI2 universe, she can use this experience every time Owen jokingly accuses her of not liking rock n roll or music in general.
One more chapter to go. Looking forward to it since I can't wait to see what happens to good guy Dale. After this chapter if something does happen to Dale, Randy would just appear mad that he doesn't come back.
| Rocker9514 chapter 2 . 6/26/2012
Got to say.
I like your details and description of the settings. Abby seems very in character and even if my expectations were high due to this being a fic based on Let Me In 2, which to be sincere I even cried to, you did not disappoint.
Randy seems like a nice guy, then again many innocent have died at the hands of a guilty and regretful Abby. You have a nice way of building up suspense, by the time the newcomer barged in I was biting my nails and guessing how much pain he would feel so well done.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
| Lee Kyle chapter 1 . 6/2/2012
Things don't look good for Randy right now. Sister plus Dale going to fare any better? Perhaps it's a real dinner party.
Descriptions of setting may be best when such descriptions further the development of your characters. Can you show Randy interacting with his environment, reflecting upon it, altering it? This way the setting becomes a stronger vehicle for letting us see what Randy is like.
Likewise the phrase "His mind was a mosaic of thoughts with nothing connecting." Instead of saying this, let us hear Randy's thoughts and reach our own conclusion about whether or not those thoughts connect.
Looking forward to the next chapter. Great job!