|Reviews for Pittsburgh, a LetMeIn2 fan fiction|
| Lee Kyle chapter 4 . 11/20/2012
I had a little trouble keeping the POV straight in some of the chapters.
It is interesting to see Abby interact with someone other than Owen and Thomas, at least for long enough that she can develop like or dislike for that person. Is this unusual? Or does she often interact with her victims before dining? Is she at some level trying to find people who deserve to get nommed?
The switch to Alvirez' POV is a creative way of bringing the story to a conclusion. I like how you think outside the box!
| gkmoberg1 chapter 3 . 7/16/2012
Thank you for your kind words.
I wanted to write Abby "in character" for this story, but found I was in trouble with where this story goes. As part of writing Ch3, I watched the movie again, with an eye on her role, and re-read parts of LMI2. But neither presents Abby in the manner I had placed her. In this story, she is on the hunt. This is a role we hardly get to see in LMI or LMI2. As well, she is angered by Randy's insolence. There is no equiv in LMI or LMI2. So I was forced to invent - and that had not at all been my goal. What I did was base Abby's reaction on how I think a strong, experienced, confident yet eternally twelve year old huntress would proceed. Children - adults as well - don't like being talked about in front of themselves, especially in a disparaging tone. While most adults can brush aside something like this, the reaction of a child differs. Yet this child, this unique child, has 200 years of experience on her side. How she would act in this situation "in character" is impossible to know. Still I hope I captured a realistic reaction, one that keeps readers with the story.
I ended the chapter with her left able to make a choice. I too wonder what Abby would choose for her next steps. What are her drives at a moment such as this? What runs through her head during the act of the hunt? Does she see herself as one capable of choosing life and death over a set of possible victims?
| Lee Kyle chapter 3 . 7/14/2012
Great tension maintained throughout chapter, which is impressive since we know at least one character is almost certainly going to get eaten. Who will it be, and why? I really like how you found a way to expand on Abby's character that is not present in LMI or LMI2: Abby choosing who to eat, and why. It explores her inner motivations in a new way. Very interesting! More to follow...
| Rocker9514 chapter 4 . 7/5/2012
I don't know if you plan to add more to this story or do other LMI 2 inspired fics, but this was great.
A really good ending. It was half-unexpected and very well written.
Although I'm not really sad Randy died, I'm really glad it wasn't Dale. Even if he did have his flaws, Abby recognized the good person Dale was, and that plain and simple screwed Randy. He truly was an A-class jerk. Even after he had learned her name, jammed with hher, and gotten to know her a little bit better he still referred to her as "freak".
It was nice that you added Behind Blue Eyes (the song's been stuck in my head for a week xD). It kind of makes you feel sympathetic for him if you don't know what the song means.
In the end Abby rid the world of a good musician but A-class jerk, and that makes me feel... better? (I don't know it just angered me how he referred to her as freak).
I really liked this story. Hope to read more of your works in the future.
| Rocker9514 chapter 3 . 6/28/2012
Weird. Now they're comments.
Wow. Nice chapter.
Dale certainly IS the nice guy, while Randy appeared to be ,although not certainly a bad person, very rude and a bit of a doushbag. It wasn't until Dale introduced himself that I realized that Randy hadn't even bothered to ask her name and referred to her as FREAK. Dale is a genuine nice guy, which will apparently make his departure sadder for me.
I really liked the whole music scene as well as Dale trying to make Abby more comfortable by her joining in. Even if she will never admitted she definitely seemed to enjoy singing or at least being part of it. And since this is a LMI2 universe, she can use this experience every time Owen jokingly accuses her of not liking rock n roll or music in general.
One more chapter to go. Looking forward to it since I can't wait to see what happens to good guy Dale. After this chapter if something does happen to Dale, Randy would just appear mad that he doesn't come back.
| Rocker9514 chapter 2 . 6/26/2012
Got to say.
I like your details and description of the settings. Abby seems very in character and even if my expectations were high due to this being a fic based on Let Me In 2, which to be sincere I even cried to, you did not disappoint.
Randy seems like a nice guy, then again many innocent have died at the hands of a guilty and regretful Abby. You have a nice way of building up suspense, by the time the newcomer barged in I was biting my nails and guessing how much pain he would feel so well done.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
| Lee Kyle chapter 1 . 6/2/2012
Things don't look good for Randy right now. Sister plus Dale going to fare any better? Perhaps it's a real dinner party.
Descriptions of setting may be best when such descriptions further the development of your characters. Can you show Randy interacting with his environment, reflecting upon it, altering it? This way the setting becomes a stronger vehicle for letting us see what Randy is like.
Likewise the phrase "His mind was a mosaic of thoughts with nothing connecting." Instead of saying this, let us hear Randy's thoughts and reach our own conclusion about whether or not those thoughts connect.
Looking forward to the next chapter. Great job!