|Reviews for Bloodline|
| MarcelineFan chapter 3 . 9/30/2014
Okay, so I've got a few common characteristics of your stories memorized:
-You like using metaphors and 'exotic' phrases. A lot.
-You like to emphasize scenes by using vivid imagery and strong detail.
-You like show more than you like to tell, or in other words, you prefer detail over dialogue.
-You like to make things incredibly dramatic.
Please correct me if I'm wrong on any of those, or add a characteristic of I'm missingone
| jared chapter 4 . 9/2/2013
Uh uuuhhh where is he reeeeessssttt
| Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
...You know you have a good fanfic on your hands when it makes you like the focused character a lot more.
But seriously, thanks for making me even more thankful for Waluigi. This thing is delightfully depressing.
| Royal-Redd chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
Brilliant, just brilliant!
Thank you for taking the time to write this fic :)
Followed & faved!
| Carnivalia's Ringmaster chapter 4 . 7/13/2012
Boy, you really kept Waluigi in character.
"He waited all that time to tell me that? Forget everything I said. He's a bastard."
THIS! And great use of the "Mama Luigi" reference. Defiantly will be reading more of your stories...that is, in the fandoms I like and aren't afraid to go in...*evil glare at insane bronies*
| Carnivalia's Ringmaster chapter 3 . 7/13/2012
THAT POST AT THE BEGINNING WAS MADE OF WIN! You making me feel bad for Waluigi. Stop it! THE WRITING! IT'S TOO POWERFUL!
| Carnivalia's Ringmaster chapter 2 . 7/13/2012
Wow...just wow...you really make Waluigi sound like someone from an death chamber, and even THEN it sounds like him. You literally make me think that Waluigi could be writing this. MOVE FORWARD STORY!
| Carnivalia's Ringmaster chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
Well, this is an interesting side of Waluigi. I will defiantly be reading the rest of this.
| TReader9 chapter 4 . 6/28/2012
I am a devoted and loyal author who has been a part of Fan Fiction for years.
Oddly enough, I have finally come across your so called, "Critics United," forum, and if you would be so kind, I'd appreciate it if you would take the time to just... listen to a few words. Don't worry; I did not bother wasting my time to send you a message full of abuse and vulgar language.
The way that you "Critics United" are doing things by stretching out your hand for the justice of Fan Fiction has gone too far.
Now, I wholly understand that you have the freedom of speech to create a forum that handles situations revolving around fictions that go against site guidelines. In fact, yes, authors should have taken the time to look through the site's rules before posting their stories. It definitely makes sense.
Although you "Critics United," have a good point of what you stand by, I would prefer that you would all try not to harass authors and/or making them feel violated as far as writing goes. I would understand it if you guys at least left nice, genuine comments for warnings of what an author did wrong versus the rude, unnecessary vulgar abuse and barbaric words that you guys are leaving for them, today. The way that you are so called, "helping," the site of Fan Fiction is not doing anything or anyone justice. You're just being plain bullies to the point where authors no longer wish to "Unleash their Imaginations," something that Fan Fiction should be known for.
Instead, of making the site a peaceful world where authors can “Unleash their Imaginations,” it feels as if though you've created a dictatorial, czarist meaning to the site where authors and aspiring writers feel unsafe and unwelcomed. People are leaving left and right, very well-known authors are taking down their stories for good and posting them elsewhere just because they fear that their cherished pieces of work will be deleted for whatever stupid reasons that you "Critics United," deem are justified and right. You have terrorized the site to the point where authors are leaving Fan Fiction for good, and are too afraid to post any of their creative works. Rather than using the power that you have to be modest and mature about leaving warnings or comments, you are abusing your power by doing the exact opposite. This has been reported to the real moderators of the site, however; as we all know, something has yet to be done. True justice has yet to come upon those who truly wish to write in peace.
So, as a fellow author, a loving reader and writer, I ask you in the humblest way possible, to please at least not abuse your power by harassing authors and writers on this site. If you are to scold them for what they did wrong by not abiding the site rules, then at least leave a decent comment without vulgarity, profanity, and unnecessary words that will harm the author. There are other ways of getting your own "peace." Fan Fiction could change for better or for worse, and only you can determine what change that will be.
I thank you kindly for taking the time to read this long message.
| AgentOfRedAndBlue chapter 3 . 5/29/2012
Woah! This is intense! The emotions are written so well, i actually feel like Im in Walugi's place! I hope you keep updating, Im very curious to see where this ends! Keep on Rocking!
| Alixzander GearHeart chapter 1 . 5/28/2012
Omg, terrible tail of despereau qoute in your summary. I cant believe I'm the first to notice. Nice fic...
| WAKEMEUPWAKEMEUPINSIDECANTWAK chapter 3 . 5/28/2012
None taken. ;) Nothing wrong with being the black sheep, To all who's passing by on this story: Honestly, you guys. Lighten up. :/
Anyways, the plot thickens. Going back to the previous reviwer's remarks on the length of the chapters this fits perfectly. Nice that you kept the fact this is actually being written as a letter to Daisy hidden until this point. Underneath all of Waluigi's bitterness, the fact that you gave him a heart..not only that but he just sounds so broken, I'm starting to feel sorry for the guy.
Yay, I was right! A part of me is surprised that he decided to get all of his feelings down on paper rather than going to other measures of getting his anger out.
Waluigi admitting that he's a low-life? That's honestly something I've never seen anyone do in terms of making up his persona (since we have nothing really to base it off of in canon). Most people just label him as this evil-clone-Luigi-creep that shows up to cause trouble with no remorse or reason every now and again. I'm still in awe at how you managed to actually give him a voice and remorse and reason. The hurt and jealousy that he's going through at the moment and Daisy has almost no clue.
I love the hints of sarcasm that you wrote in this so far. c: Usually it's hard to pull that off, especially in writing. Now that the storyline is starting to progress on the relationship between Waluigi and Daisy, some reason I'm getting the feeling that perhaps later on there will be some hope for him. I mean, he's persistent as hell. He's already said time and time again that, obviously, Daisy has absolutely no interest in him (or even hates him). Yet, in previous times, he continues to try and go after her. Maybe, just maybe, that'll pay off?
Well, now to what happened at the Christmas party. I am a bit in the dark as to what may happen, but oh well. xD
I'm pleased at how fast you updated. Can't wait for more, bro.
| James Birdsong chapter 3 . 5/28/2012
Cool three chapters.
| Verran chapter 3 . 5/28/2012
To me, Waluigi in canon has little point to him except to provide a convenient fourth corner to a square, or at least a tennis partner for Wario. He's just a makeweight, and therefore has often been overlooked, even resented. So I admire those who have the creativity to take Waluigi and write about him in an original way.
Daisy is often portrayed in fan art cuddling a slightly embarrassed and reluctant Luigi. Interpreting this as an attraction to his bloodline rather than to the man himself is an idea I've not come across before here, and I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop it.
Your narrative conveys Waluigi's bitter feelings very well. Everyone and everything is flawed in his eyes, even Wario, - who Waluigi cannot even call a friend without putting the word in inverted commas. The bitterness is made more intense by your choosing to have Waluigi's feelings manifest in a letter to Daisy, something we don't learn until the third chapter.
You've captured a believable Waluigi, heartbroken, twisted and tragic. He knows he's no angel, he admits he's selfish. He probably knows deep down that he'd never have won Daisy's heart, but at this stage in the story the tragedy seems to be that perhaps he never had the chance to try. Or did he? That's what has hooked me for the next chapter!
Don't worry about your chapters being short. I think this length suits the framework of a letter.
If I had any criticism at this point it would be grammatical. Throughout your writing you consistently use the word 'of' instead of 'have', for example 'would of', 'could of', 'might of'. Should be 'would have', 'could have', 'might have'.
Other than that, I enjoyed what you've written so far, and will be keeping an eye out for the next chapter.
| WAKEMEUPWAKEMEUPINSIDECANTWAK chapter 2 . 5/27/2012
The first thing that came to mind.. the last few lines of the first chapter made me instantly think "Hipster Waluigi" sitting on a barstool on stage and/or..well, in a bar chatting with whoever would listen to his tale of heartbreak.
First off, Luigi/Daisy is my OTP. Why the hell did I click on this, I don't really know. I freaking love those two together. :U
Maybe its because of the grabbing summary you put out there. Its original, it made me consider a different plot to what we see in the public eye; a touching relationship between our favorite green plumber and desert princess. To her, it could possibly just be a publicity statement and Luigi is sadly mistaken. *le sob*
I like the take that you put on Waluigi's personality. I actually love first person stories like this; you're able to analyze the main character's thoughts to a new depth that isn't possible in 3rd omnipresent.
I see you allowed us to take a peek into what this story will hold. I'm going to take a wild guess here that Daisy and Luigi were planning to get married and Waluigi attempted to stop it, but was humiliated? He seems very distraught by this (well obv momo wtf.)
Or maybe I'm being stupid. :D
Going back to the first chapter, he seems like he's in denial about the whole ordeal. Like "This isn't happening, she totally doesn't love him, she can't; I can do better" ect. ect. You've made these points very clear. And now its like he's sorta giving up and is trying to tell Daisy straight to get out of whatever fantasy world she's living in.
Herpdederp none of that probably made sense to you but idk. :P All I know is I'll keep an eye out for this and I can't wait to see more.
*tries to hide numerous LxD oneshots*