|Reviews for Touhou Records|
| Touhou is Life chapter 9 . 11/20/2015
| WodofGar chapter 10 . 9/13/2015
Yeeeeeeeeeeee, I've played way too much LoLK.
I've got no idea what kind of ailments the first two rabbits would have, but Doesn't should totally be a chronic sleep walker, maybe something else.
It'd be funny if Junko was a germaphobe, "THOU ARE IMPURE, I SHALL SMITE THEE!" *throws Clorox wipes*
| Aseftik chapter 1 . 8/22/2015
The idea of "Gensokyo is actually a shared delusion by asylum patients" has been around for a while now. To my knowledge, your work is the first attempt at an in-depth implementation of the idea. I also feel it is lacking.
Your writing style is bad. I'm sorry, but there's no other way to say that. Your massive run-on sentences are both clumsily written and confusing, and your lexicon is noticeably lacking. And there are minor errors everywhere, errors which by even the quickest skimming prior to uploading could be detected. I mean, look at this sentence from the introductory chapter:
"These reports are to remain confidential as the patients have been technically erased from the outside world's history and records seen many have been seen as to dangerous to allow the general public to know about."
Small things like using "to" instead of "too" and just horrifically egregious editing errors (". . . records seen many have been seen as . . ." are all over the place. It would detract greatly from any work unless it was intended to be from a borderline-illiterate's viewpoint.
More importantly, you've completely failed to suspend disbelief in any manner. Ask yourself: would actual hospital documents be written in such a haphazard fashion, disorganized and error-fraught? Would an official document use ellipses when describing a patient's condition? Have you ever been to an asylum, done research on standard operating methods? I mean, it's clear you've never even considered any of these things. Otherwise your writing would have improved in the three years you've been working on this.
It is not for me to dictate what you can and cannot write, and I understand this website is a free ground for ideas such as yours. I'm not trying to insult or belittle you here, but goddamn, someone had to say these things.
| M Tails P chapter 4 . 8/21/2015
Seriously? What the hell kind of hospital use "take care of Patient X" as a punishment duty? You're talking about Flandre as if she's some sort of Keter-class SCP!
| M Tails P chapter 2 . 8/21/2015
Seriously? This is probably the worst mental asylum ever. Hell, this place is making whoever runs Arkham look competent in comparison! And that place lets an insane, mass murdering clown escape every single time!
I mean, they just LET Marisa have those magical mushrooms? They are freaking HALLUCINOGENS! They can cause psychotic episodes! That would be like having kids play around with Ebola vials in a regular hospital. And no, I don't care if they keep confiscating them, they should have done their freaking job and kept their eyes on her so she COULDN'T get more!
And they just LET the patients freely interact with each other and engage in "danmaku battles" to treat them? No! Just... NO! You do NOT treat hallucinations by playing along with them! You treat them with antipsychotics and mood stabilizers!
Also, Kimsawra isn't a real name.
| Boomblox5896 chapter 2 . 1/5/2014
Marisa Kirisame, mein freund. I guess something's auto-correcting some this stuff? If so, disable auto-correct. If not, I got your back.
| Boomblox5896 chapter 9 . 1/4/2014
I can help with the beta reading. You can message me to talk to me about it and I can read your next chapters for grammar, spelling and wording errors. Also, you must be a genius in the medical field to know about all of these things and turn it into a fan fiction involving Touhou characters with very fitting issues and illnesses.
| Boomblox5896 chapter 8 . 1/2/2014
Yo man, I started to read this and I couldn't help but to point something out to you. Wriggle Nightbug is a girl! Yep, that's right. Now you have to go back and edit the whole thing about HER and any mentions of HER.
| Boomblox5896 chapter 6 . 1/1/2014
I do very much enjoy your stories and hospital profiles, but it seems that the grammatical errors and misspellings are more of a bother. I'm just kindly asking if you could look back on all of your works and revise them. Also, Margatroid is Alice's surname instead of Marigold. Do you use auto-correct? It would be a wise idea to disable auto-correct. Permanently. But otherwise, you're doing great with the stories.
| Boomblox5896 chapter 4 . 12/31/2013
This is amazing, mein freund. I love your work in the alternate perspective of Gensokyo. Just remember to check all words and use the right spelling and correct grammar when you scan through your chapters again for errors. I love these documents, though.
| Boomblox5896 chapter 3 . 12/31/2013
I really like what you've done here and how you put the Touhou universe into a reality perspective. Some friendly advice from me would be to carefully check back on every chapter for misplaced words, misspellings, and the replacement of Librarian with Liberian. Other than that, it's great. If there's more to come, keep up the good work. Otherwise, keep on doing great with your other stories.
| Dark-Automaton chapter 9 . 12/15/2013
This is a pretty good fiction, and the premise is very smart. The only improvement I think this may need is a little more editing, as there's a few grammatical and spelling errors here and there, as well as using the wrong words(e.g. "incest" instead of "insects"). Other than that it's a really good story, earning it as my first favourite.
| Fanatical-Writer561 chapter 9 . 11/30/2013
It's good that you took my advice! Although, I have to say it's a bit difficult to read because of the way the paragraphs come together. Consider breaking down big chunks of text into smaller ones to ease the eyes. Short and sweet paragraphs can help, as well. Cutting down on wordiness can also make reading more palatable.
Concerning the narrative, I think you took my advice with too literally. Have something break the monotony, occasionally. Maybe offer some sort of characterization for the doctor, or maybe cut down on the some of the more unnecessary bits in the profile?
By the way, the beta reader by either direct correspondence (e.g. email and off-site contact) or the site's own DocX . If you want to use the latter, go to the DocX tab and read the Info/Guide there. It will explain the system better than I can.
However, if you meant to ask what a better what a beta reader is - a beta reader is basically your editor. He/she will go through your story and correct the errors found there. Some can specialize in different areas like grammar, plot, and other aspects of fiction but most don't bother. The beta reader will be your second set of eyes.
Keep note that since the beta application is not a guarantee of quality of work. The beta application is open to the public with no little to no oversight, so pick your beta with careful thought. You never know with the users on this site. After all, the requirements for a beta are flimsy. Even an idiot like me can get a beta profile going.
On a side note, I'm open to beta reading. Just don't expect me to deliver my corrections promptly; real life can be a pain.
| TheFunnyPhoenix chapter 9 . 11/27/2013
This sounds like it would be very interesting! I can just imagine a 6 year old Kokoro walking around the theater, dragging some of her masks behind her.
As for the Beta reader thing, I don't know how it works either. I guess we're in the same (nice) boat! Good job!
| The All-Mighty Kei chapter 9 . 11/25/2013
Very happy to see you're continuing this!
As for beta-reading, it's basically a person who proof-reads your works and corrects all the grammar and spelling making your work look even better. You just ask for someone to check your work.
Now, I can't do beta reading. English is not my first language!
As for the next chapter, I request Perfect Cherry Blossom!