|Reviews for Betrayed|
| violetkpop2332 chapter 17 . 2/6
Hi Sophie! Please UPDATE
Courtesy to your very wonderful readers... :)
| Saissa chapter 5 . 1/28
What was Snape doing on the train?
| Sortinghat chapter 9 . 1/16
This fic would make for a fun MSTing.
| Sortinghat chapter 7 . 1/16
Imagine a Nimbus 2000 made in China by slave labor (which while still uses better parts then lower brands) it will still break down right after warranty or three years. Or it might catch fire when the transmission fails.
| Sortinghat chapter 3 . 1/16
Like a typical action movie. What about the cameras? And once they did inventory they would see the prophecy missing and look thru CCTV to find the suspect first by scanning the prophecy room for traces of the suspect.
| Sortinghat chapter 2 . 1/16
Maybe Harry could use the time turner and fix the holes in this story?
| Sortinghat chapter 1 . 1/16
Funny Indie Harry fic especially with the OOC parts. At least he isn't a Gary Stu.
| FierceDeityLinkMask chapter 17 . 1/2
I feel you should complete this and not rewrite it.
| Guest chapter 7 . 11/22/2015
Rather than tell a story, you list what is going on. Like in a history lesson or something. "This happened...then this happened..." It's really annoying. I had to abandon it.
| cagats chapter 17 . 10/6/2015
when will u ever continue the don't u think ur taking long please do update soon
| rowenasheir chapter 17 . 10/6/2015
Diadem retrieval mode, Not safe to leave ring in Gaunt shack as AD know about horcruxes and th Gaunt connection and... Quirrel! Time for Voldy, Tom and Harry to talk to the main soul piece - he could lift the compulsion and Harry could get the stone. When LV gets his body back he comes back under one of his titles -big expose that Lilly was a pureblood, long lost cousin and as head of the family claim HP as his heir and responsibility under AD nose?
Send HP to Durmstrang or other alternative! Love to see Ad face when he can do nothing about it!
| Len chapter 1 . 6/28/2015
I like the plot, but the story feels kind of emotionally flat. You tend to tell more than show. As a writer myself (a published one, and also someone who has studied about writing fiction,) I can tell you that you don't just write something like "Harry couldn't believe it," and leave it at that. You must describe it with physical (sense based) and emotional (this can be achieved through simile and metaphor) details i.e, " Stone cold reality slammed into his senses declaring the hard truth to his mind; but, nothing about what he heard could puncture the hazy confusion of his thoughts or destroy the deep seated need to desperately deny it all. Memories flashed back to all the laughter, to the adventures they overcame together, to the warmth and friendship they shared. They'd given him everything he'd yearned for his entire life before Hogwarts. These two could not be the people he thought of as sister and brother. How could that all have been a lie? Yet with every denial reality seemed to fight back in kind. etc"
| rmiser1994 chapter 17 . 5/14/2015
great story so far .
| marie chapter 17 . 4/20/2015
hope you write more
| Mydoginasweater chapter 17 . 4/3/2015
U can do it!now be a good author and give me more chappies “ψ()ψ（）()/（・・）()(ο･･ο）(づ )づ..emojiss yay!