|Reviews for Squirtle Squad: Special Victims Unit|
| swimmingwithbulls chapter 1 . 7/28/2012
If you don't continue soon, you'll end up like that Sunflora. _
| RinxLenKagamine4EVA chapter 1 . 6/15/2012
Awesome Spiral! Lots of f-bombs though. Really wouldn't wanna show this to my mom! Anyways, good job!
| Bucken-Berry chapter 1 . 6/14/2012
This is amazing. Please continue ASAP.
| alicekinsno1 chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
Well, this is certainly an interesting take on the Squirtle Squad. I like the attitude that the characters have in general because it seems very real and genuine. You have the right touch with the dialects that the characters have, though it occurs to me that the protagonist sounds like he's being a bit mean to his girlfriend. However, he seems to be stressed out so that may be justified.
One of the biggest questions that occurs to me is, exactly what kind of Squirtle are the protagonists supposed to be? Because judging by the story itself, it seems like they're supposed to be Gijinka, or possibly Pokemorphs, but that's never specified. On the other hand, I have a hard time imagining ordinary Squirtle acting this way, so I suspect you've done something to them to give them more humanlike characters.
I have to say that while the idea is interesting, there are some things about it that I don't care for, only because I feel as though they kind-of undermine the point of Pokemon. For one thing, you mention a lot of brands and names that exist in the real world, like "Starbucks," "iPhone," and the rapper "Eminem." I'm not sure if I like seeing those in a Pokemon fanfic, even if the pokemon are Gijinka, since they're still pokemon and you'd think they'd have their own brand names and forms of entertainment.
One final point that confused me a bit has to do with the way you mention that "coroners and medical practitioners" are the ones at the scene taking pictures. I don't think that is normally how things are done, since presumably they would need to be at their labs studying the bodies. Chances are, there would be someone on the case whose job it was to take pictures.
The writing in general is good, without many consistent mistakes that I could see. One typo that caught my attention is as follows:
"His girlfriend, a Marill asked,"
Since the separated part of that phrase is explaining that his girlfriend is a Marill, you should move the comma from the end of "asked" to the end of "Marill."
Additionally, I've noticed a few weird instances of dialogue punctuation, particularly where the dialogue tag follows the line of dialogue. For example, you wrote:
["But Mikey, ya know I get so worried bout ya." She whined]
Remember that the dialogue tag belongs to the same sentence as the dialogue itself, and so the dialogue should be ended with a comma rather than a period, like so:
["But Mikey, ya know I get so worried bout ya," she whined.]
You do a pretty decent job of building suspense and describing gruesome scenes. The story as a whole feels like a crime drama from television, which may or may not be your intention. I'll be interested to see how this goes, and encourage you to keep writing.
| Quilava Flare chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
Feisty. You jumped right into the heat of things from the start!
| Apollo77 chapter 1 . 5/28/2012
Finally you started this! Awesome beginning, sets in the suspense nice and early. Keep it up!