|Reviews for Dropped in Thedas ON HIATUS|
| Tenshi Gureibusu chapter 6 . 4/8/2013
Well, AA, you have done it again! I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. You have done a very good job. And the pace is just fine.
| coduss chapter 6 . 4/8/2013
interested to see where this goes
| Aliciamagski chapter 6 . 4/8/2013
Please keep going!
| KrystylSky chapter 6 . 4/7/2013
Lol great update lol at a girl from Texas being a demon
| great northern one chapter 6 . 4/7/2013
u were doing so great i hope u get back to it eventually
| KrystylSky chapter 5 . 4/7/2013
nice chapter lol too bad shes not the jedi
| Guest chapter 4 . 4/7/2013
please come back
| Tenshi Gureibusu chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
Wow, this was really good. Seems a bit rushed, but I like it a lot!
| Sly Dalhousie chapter 2 . 6/22/2012
Just need to point out, in the Dragon Age world, the child of an elf and a human is always a human, so elves with human children are commonplace. In canon, Wynne would accept at face value that Fenne and Alim are cousins, because it is plausible she is an elf-blooded human. It would be rude and out of character for her to question or pry into a stranger's parentage. Moreover, there's no need to say Alim was adopted, as it could easily become a big hole in Fenne's cover story. If Alim remembers anything about his family, he could call her out on her lies, and if he doesn't remember them at all, well, that isn't something that Fenne can know for certain at this point in time.
| Wyolake chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
This is a good, interesting first chapter, but the first thing that jumps out is how quickly you're moving. Slow down and take your time; let the story and your OC develop more deliberately.
| Sly Dalhousie chapter 1 . 5/31/2012
Good, if a bit rushed. I recommend you fix the formatting a little; everything all squished together makes it a daunting read, and has probably scared away a few prospective readers already.
I have an unnatural fondness for SIs though, so I pushed through the formatting errors and found that your writing is quite good in places. I particularly liked your description of Anders:
"It's the same old Anders. My Anders. Except impossibly, incredibly rendered in meticulous detail so that he looks... real. Looks human. His aquiline nose, his twinkling blue eyes. The hair escaping from his ponytail."
Though, it would flow more smoothly if you joined the last two sentences with a semi-colon. For example, "...his twinkling blue eyes; his hair escaping from his ponytail." This makes for a whimsical, smooth description, whereas the former seems choppy
In fact, with your direct writing style, semi-colons, if properly used, will greatly boost the quality of your writing. It joins together two related sentences in a context that a comma does not suffice. If you think about how the sentence would be said aloud, you can hear the difference in what uses a semi-colon rather than a comma or a period.
"I ride on the pack horse; a sturdy Fereldan pony."
"That is my forté; I love to learn."
I hope you take my advice as it is intended, which is to help you grow as a author and encourage you to keep writing.
| cruelflames chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
This looks quite interesting, hope you'll continue it further.
I have a few points to add though; Irving should have recognized the Surana surname unless he/she doesn't exist in your verse and Amell is there instead, but even then, isn't Surana an elven surname? The again you could say you were half elf...
I like your idea that short/farsightedness is cured my magic. It would explain why we haven't seen anyone wearing glasses though they could have invented them by the Dragon Age. I can just imagine parents dropping their kids at the Circle for the cure now)