Reviews for The Lonely
The Ghost Writers chapter 1 . 12/27/2012
/tiltshead

Okay.

Let me start by saying that there are a lot of ways you can interpret Annabeth- her personality, her beliefs, the way she deals with a crisis situation. And the should reflect that, especially if you're doing a third-person limited Perspective like this one.

Personally, I found the here angst a bit too dramatic for my taste- or rather, a little too dramatic for Annabeth. It sounded more like Piper, all the things about the sweet lips and well;

"It might have only been notes with no words, but it still sounds heaven sent, because that is what Percy is, heaven sent, my guardian angel. Before long, the darkness reminds me my heaven sent isn't where he should be, which is right beside me, dispelling all my doubts, my worries, and my fears. Now that I know him, It will be hard to live without him, impossible, no, hard, very, it wouldn't be right to live without my other half. Without him, my life is nothing but a shattered tale, one where nothing is right and everything is twisted."

This paragraph is sweet and sad and well-crafted; and I really cannot fault any of the mechanics you put into writing it. /But/ I'm not entirely sure it's right for Annabeth. Annabeth is, to an extent, dependent. She is very hung up on the few people she is close to. But she is also independent- her reaction to Percy disappering was to organize search crews.

So this- the whole thing about how her life is meaningless without him. I dunno, it bugs me a little. I realize you probably did not want it to sound that way, but that is how it translated into my head.

But that could just be my opinion of angst in general. XD Also, as mentioned previously, how you see her may not be how I see her.

So overall; good mechanics and prose, but I think perhaps you applied it to the wrong character. It might have worked for Silena or for Piper, but it doesn't quite click with Annabeth.

Please note that we Ghost Writers are a coalition, and the opinion of one of us is not the opinion of all of us. If this review was not what you were expecting, I am really sorry. :/ I may also have been overly critical because angst is usually my least favourite genre to read; regardless of the fact that I tend to write it a lot. Extremely hypocritical of me, I know.

Just reply if you have anything to say to me, 'kay? Gods know my writing isn't perfect (also, come to think of it, I have my own version of Annabeth-angsting-over-Percy's-disappearance which you may very possibly not agree with), and if there's anything you have to say that justifies your viewpoint, I would be more than happy to accept it.

M
IfYoureReadingThisYouCanRead chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
It is so good! You kept in character, don't worry on that! Loved it:D
SilverWingedRaven chapter 1 . 7/27/2012
That was really good. Lots of detail, but very sad. The emo side of me is pleased xD
FireFlower56 chapter 1 . 6/2/2012
Wow, this was really beautiful, Spark! I think you captured Annabeth perfectly, and I love how you portrayed her true feelings. Great job, you obviously have a lot of talent as a writer!
percabeth37 chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
oh. my. goodness. that was truely amazing. i think you captured Annabeth just right. Some people portray her a stolid, others as a lovesick puppy who screams at everyone and does nothing but cry and mope. Annabeth is a really tricky charater, especially when percy is missing, and i think you captured her perfectly. GREAT JOB!