|Reviews for A Place to Call Home|
| gleefan2009 chapter 29 . 8/8
love it please write more
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 29 . 4/17
"he", not "hr".
"hands on", not "hands son".
Mediwitches don't inject potions into veins. They spell it into your stomach if you can't drink it.
"bearing a bundle", not "killing a bundle".
You forgot to have Harry recount how he shoved Cedric aside from the AK and later he got hit with the second fake death curse.
Another misuse of "wandering" where "wondering" is required.
"He'd never", not "Hed never".
The suggestion that Snape could possibly be qualified to treat PTSD is completely ridiculous. He gives PTSD, he doesn't treat it!
"proffered", not "pro offerred".
If Harry is still suffering from back pain he shouldn't be walking all the way from the castle to the train station. They should be taking a carriage.
I'm sorry to say that I didn't enjoy this story very much. It didn't differ enough from canon and it was even more traumatic for Harry (and his readers) than canon was. It's only saving grace, really, is that Cedric didn't die. But it looked like it, so emotionally it was almost like he did. The fluff chapters detracted from the story rather than added because they were really just filler for the most part. Sirius (and Remus) were disappointingly ineffective in protecting Harry. You didn't think through how the hostage was chosen for the second task for Krum, and really for Harry either. You probably should have had Ginny be Harry's hostage, not Ron, and definitely Krum's date rather than Hermione. Harry should have used Dumbledore's Portkey medallion and Ron's hand of glory badge to get out of the graveyard without letting Pettigrew resurrect Voldemort.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 28 . 4/17
"she and Petunia had been", not "her and Petunia had been".
Half-past three is way past lunch time. About two hours after they stop serving lunch in the Great Hall. And of course McGonagall doesn't come looking for him until after dinner.
"singeing", not "singing".
Misuse of "contracting", not sure what was intended.
You've got Harry either vomiting or about to entirely too many times.
Misuse of "permeated", not sure what was intended.
Redundant "they didn't notice".
Crepuscular is a creepy and obscure word.
Too bad Harry did not use either of his Christmas presents in the graveyard. They both would have come in handy, which is where you should have gone in the plot.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 27 . 4/17
"going", not "gong".
Since only Vernon got prosecuted the Death Eaters did Harry a favor in getting rid of them. It is, however, an illogical thing for them to have done and needs to be explained. Too bad they didn't go after Marge and Ripper too. I think it would have been better to have Harry just be numb at the news. No panic attack. No tears. No feelings of unfairness. Just stoic silence. After all, he should have very conflicted emotions. Way too conflicted to mourn normally.
This chapter did better in combining downer events and playful events so that it felt more balanced.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 26 . 4/17
Misuse of "forages" where "forays" intended.
Possessive "Voldemort's" not plural "Voldemorts" required in two places.
"skill", not "skull".
"Potter's friend", not "Potters friend".
"Relashio", not "Releashio".
If Ron took Hermione to the Yule Ball then she wouldn't be a hostage. Victor's date (whoever that was) would be.
"Fleur's sister's", not "Fleurss sisters".
"fight", not "fihgt".
"didn't", not "didn;y".
You're right. This chapter officially sucks. It sucked even in canon and you've done nothing to relieve it's suckiness. Once again Sirius was no real help. And a spectator unfriendly event under the Black Lake in February in Scotland is downright perverse.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 25 . 4/17
Do you not know the difference between wondering and wandering? You've now used them both wrong.
Surprisingly good Christmas gifts from Dumbledore and Ron. Sirius's gift was rather disappointing by comparison.
GaH! Ginny and Harry. Please just say "no" to canon pairings.
Sirius is in two places in the photo, and James is missing.
"mother's and my", not "mother and I's".
James and Lily would have worn their wedding rings until their dying day, so they would not be sending Harry a note saying they gave them to Sirius for safekeeping.
Shouldn't a house elf be doing the cooking? It is Hogwarts, after all.
Heh? Boys don't grab girl's faces when they dance.
Lily had one Christmas when Harry was only five months old, and she and James died before Harry's second Christmas. There's no way she "always" did anything with an infant Harry for Christmas.
In canon Trelawney puts her empty sherry bottles in the Room of Requirements. She's able to find it again just fine.
"blood ran cold", not "blood cold".
"all accounts", not "an accounts".
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 24 . 4/17
Why do students shriek and run when they see Sirius? Was it after curfew? You only say it was after dark.
Another chapter of complete fluff.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 23 . 4/17
I thought you said this chapter was going to be better than the last one. This one's all filler, and not much of that.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 22 . 4/16
"uncle's fate", not "uncles fate".
How come Petunia wasn't prosecuted? And Marge?
"Floor" is not the same as "ground". There is no "floor" outside, that's "ground".
"can't speak", not "can only speak".
"wondered aloud", not "wandered aloud".
"immediately", not "immediatley".
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 21 . 4/16
Heh? "You are so very proud"? I would have expected "strong", or maybe "brave".
"cruel word", not "cruel world".
It was unnecessary to have Harry shoved into a closet if he's going to have to testify in court against the Dursleys. That's enough trauma.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 20 . 4/16
Just one "more" in "more skilled more" please.
If Sirius is a teacher then he should make a big stink about the "Potter Stinks" badges. At the very least he can deduct points and assign detentions for anyone he sees wearing them. But he should also make it clear to Dumbledore and all the other teachers that this is not acceptable behavior for Hogwarts students and they should all be enforcing better discipline.
Why are they having the first task so early in the morning? In canon it takes place in the afternoon.
Missing "egg" after "golden".
Harry did poorly, so why did he get full marks (except for Karkaroff)? They should be taking points off for his getting burned and cut and tail-whipped.
Didn't Sirius vow to help Harry? Where was his help? Sirius asks if he's eaten and then doesn't even get him any food when he says he hasn't. And where was he when they were researching strategies?
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 19 . 4/16
Pretty shitty chapter. You need to be more even. Some chapters are so fluffy it's nauseating. Others like this one are real downers.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 18 . 4/16
"superior air", not "inferior air".
So did anybody vanish the vomit and freshen the air?
"sloping into the kitchen"? Is Sirius sliding down a slope?
How does Sirius make coffee with a teabag? Even with magic that's not possible.
Sirius did a damn poor job of questioning whether or not a valid magical contract existed. What the hell are guardians for except to protect kids from exploits like that? He should have said that no valid contract can be made with an underage wizard without the consent of his guardian and he refuses to give his consent.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 17 . 4/16
"from behind her book", not "from behind her back".
So what was the prank Hermione disapproved of?
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 16 . 4/16
Ministry-provided cars come with drivers. If you want them to argue over who drives, then they should have a private car, either owned or rented. It's more realistic for them to use Wizarding transportation though.
There's no need to bring in the Goblet of Fire until after the visiting schools have arrived. Is there going to be Quidditch this year? No announcement was made about tryouts in two weeks, and no announcement to cancel was made.