|Reviews for Forever is an Eternity|
| interested chapter 1 . 6/23/2012
Gemini Explorer, needs to stop writing long winded reviews as it was a great sweet story and any errors did not take away from it, hopefully when she writes a real story herself she'll enjoy this too. :)
| Gemini Explorer chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
Needs minor repairs. Did you proofread this?
As his title, "Lord" is capitalized: Lord John Roxton, V.C. (I noted that he was awarded the Victoria Cross, as he was on the show. That is normally abbreviated after the recepient's name.) You're British; you should know this stuff!
And you have a gap where he kneels, apparently about to offer her a ring. Then, she is suddenly somehow on the ground beside him, kissing and embracing. Kneeling? Actually wallowing in passion on the floor? (Much less credible than kneeling with him, in that setting.)
You can readily fix that by having her sink to her knees beside him, reaching for him and them embracing as she accepts the ring. "Oh, John, yes! If you will still have me, I beg your forgiveness for evading an answer to your proposals. You need ask no more: from this night, I am yours in all but matrimony, and we can add that as soon as we can book a church and a vicar! Becoming the Countess of Avebury is the least that I can do, after all that you have suffered to win my love. I swear to prove worthy of your persistance! Do place that ring on my finger, as you placed yourself in my heart, so long before I dared admit it, even to myself. Now, we can proclaim our love to the world, and damned be him who dissents!" Well, sort of like that...
Get the idea? You can't have those gaps and have the story make sense! Let it flow and be coherent! And I do like the idea of her sinking to her knees to meet him on his level at that point. You can even have their friends and others who see begin to applaud. Finn might make a wry comment, or Challenger could say, "Well, if one waits long enough, he may see all things finally come to pass, eh?"
You might briefly describe the ring. I think it should have emeralds as well as diamonds.
Otherwise, a good, short (yet complete) story. I enjoyed it.
| daniM chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
Gorgeous! I love the fics in this series.