|Reviews for Project: Fyrebrand|
| epicwinston chapter 1 . 10/27/2012
Hurry and update this!
We need more fanfics ASAP!
| kyrogue23 chapter 1 . 8/19/2012
please continue this story I want to see what else he can do.
| Kerreb17 chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
I'm going to be completely honest with you. This is par for the course for OC fics: well-intentioned but severely lackluster. I'm not calling your fic garbage, but it could use some improvement. If you don't want to read a wall of mostly negative criticism, feel free to skip to the last paragraph.
The OC is, understandably, bare at this point. Seeing as most OCs take the "serious, strong (unbelievably so), badass, flawless, god-mode" path, I caution you to avoid this. AVOID THIS!
Concerning the intro chapter as a whole, it didn't really tell us much. As a description whore, I enjoy understanding the environment, happenings, and other such trivialities to immediately immerse me in the story. Thus, as a completely subjective comment, I felt as if I had no connection to the story and thus no interest to keep reading. That and, when something actually happened, I really had nothing to anchor to except for the ephemeral fighting.
Now, we should move to more pressing issues. The comma usage was...poor, to say the least. Syntactically, your sentences were jerky and had numerous grammatical errors: run-ons, comma splices, and semicolon use. One other thing that really disturbed me was that you didn't create new paragraphs for each new speaker. As a reader who was already somewhat alienated from the story due to the grammar, having to actually reread the sentences in context to see who was speaking is unnecessary clutter and work for your readers. It's just really annoying.
"Dragonians" are spelled "Dagonians". I don't know whether this was a spelling mistake or simple misunderstanding.
As for your first fanfiction, this isn't horrible. It's just VERY rough around the edges. It would serve you well to talk with a Beta-Reader if you could-maybe he/she could help you straighten out those grammar issues. Other than that, the game characters that you used were characterized appropriately. As long as you stick with some description and make sure that you don't lose the reader, you should be fine. I hope to see a new chapter with a good number of improvements. Also, I don't say anything out of malice-rather a desire to see the quality if writing on increase dramatically. So until next chapter, work hard and DON'T BE DISCOURAGED by a constructive review. Cheers!
| VirusChris chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
Ah! The first Skullgirl fanfic featuring a male character in the leading role! Interesting... funny thing I have a Skullgirl story brewing in my head with a male character and he befriends Nadia Fortune and Minette kinda like how your character is so going to be. Though dude's older and works for a friend of Yu Wang in the same area where Filia ate or drank in her opening.
I have to say when I read the "hooded man with a scythe" for some odd reason I thought it was Ragna the Bloodedge from BlazBlue for a second, strange no? And about the boy I originally though you were doing a story based on an existing character from Skullgirls concept arts for male characters, specifically Leduc given he is also made in the Anti-Skullgirl Lab except by Peacock's maker.
Now this is a good little opening prologue story, one thing I like to mention is when you have a character speak I suggest creating a separate paragraph for them to make it easier to read and so it doesn't confuse the reader when two different characters are talking and assumed one of them is talking... like myself as I thought Valentine mentioned the "you can't defeat" and added cold glare.
Another thing, even though it's your fanfic, I like to say to make sure you got everyone in character... Valentine is a complex character and more to her than meets the eye. Right now you seem to got both Valentine and Nadia down right... including Nadia's (bad) puns.
Back to your character, interesting choice for a power... I myself like the Fire Element (but my designated element is Air which I also like and fits my go with the flow, free-spirited approach) and also reminds me of Cerebella's friend Feng who uses a living weapon "Salamander" that uses fire-based abilities... given the concept art for her and description for it.
I look forward to the next chapter! And I will be favoriting this story as my first Skullgirl fanfic story I'm favoriting. _
This is VirusChris signing off! Good luck, ol' chap!