|Reviews for Muse|
| Ryo-Ohki fan chapter 3 . 9/22/2012
It's good. Really good. You should update, pleas?
| Celestriakle chapter 3 . 6/13/2012
Only one paragraph. I am disappoint. However, your imagery and phrasing is quite beautiful (as it has been throughout), and I do like the way you capture the child's spirit. Is the child going to get a name? Do we know him? Brad got a name! In that sense, it seems a little disjointed, but that's about all I can say about this. Unfortunately, there's just not much for me to work with!
| Celestriakle chapter 2 . 6/13/2012
Ahh, so now we do get some answers I must say, that Nightopian who came to talk to Owl was adorable. And I usually hate the Pians that appear in NiGHTS fics.
This chapter, for me, still has a bit of a muddled feeling. For example, I think this sentance: "Owl fluttered towards the buried Nightopian under a rather large pile." could do with a bit of clarification. It took me a few seconds to understand what he was buried under, though it brought an amused smile when it did One thing I'm not totally sure on is the substance of the stream: Was it actually water and flowed through a deep canyon? Or was it just smoke and a canyon could be found below it?
The dialogue, I thought, flowed well. I more had issue with some of the pronouns you used: Sometimes, I couldn't tell if the 'he' referred to a Nightopian or Owl. Speaking of pronouns, I think you should pick one for NiGHTS and stick to it. I understand the desire to maintain genderlessness, but the pians are just as genderless as NiGHTS, and you gave them a pronoun. It's just less cumbersome to read and, I'm sure, type.
Oh, also, there are also some small grammatical issues I could point out if you wanted me to-commas and such-but I figure you're more interested in content than technicalities.
| Celestriakle chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
Hmm, still not sure what to think of this yet. This chapter's a little short; I think you would have been better to capture the scene's purpose before breaking it into another piece. Viewing this from the pians' PoV gives the audience an interesting distance from the action, but again, it's hard for the reader to understand what exactly is going on besides a generic fight between NiGHTS and Reala. Perhaps you'll solve this in the next chapter? We shall see! I also find "gingerly bubbling away to wisps of shimmering energy" to be a break from the tone you're trying to build; while it's a pretty phrase on its own, its gentleness clashes with the warring powers and rough diction you employ throughout the rest of the piece.
| irondragon64 chapter 1 . 6/9/2012