|Reviews for Mad World|
| Guest chapter 22 . 8/25/2013
Okay so i actually really liked the idea of this story but there was no emotion or detail. I love dialogue but they seemed like they were talking all monotone. It was just, "yes." "no." "she is going to die." "why?" You need to put descriptions on their facial expressions and their tone of voice, etc. The entire fic was basically, "I came, I saw, I conquered", with nothing in between.
I guess the best part was when Lauren was hanging in the abandoned theatre, there was emotion in her thoughts and it was heartbreaking which is good. It actually helps readers imagine it all, moments like those are heartbreakingly beautiful like when she was thinking that she wasn't a pawn and took matters into her own hand by kicking the pole and her thoughts about suffocating. That was heartbreakingly beautiful. That was the only moment though. The moment when she was in the field that Thane created to re-enact the horror of the Congo could have had so much more, it could have been so sad but there was no emotion so it frustrated me. When Lauren named who all of the people on the floor were supposed to represent, she should have been overcome with emotion or just numb. Most people would scream and cry after having their worst nightmares come about again. There was no emotion from anyone else either, seeing the horror of that moment.
Then when Kenzi and Hale got together, it was so quick and there was no explanation. Same with the Naga venom, it wasn't explained how the venom was obtained and how so much was obtained. And then Vex showing up, he just showed up at the end but he wasn't mentioned at all beforehand or even during the battle. This last battle, Lauren didn't need to be impaled by the sword and even though she was, there was no emotion there. Bo should have been horrified and distraught but instead it was like: Bo stabbed them. Lauren flew across the room after the explosion of the Garuda. Bo went to her. "are you okay?" "yeah." "okay"
That's how that moment read.
This all just seemed very rushed and there were quite a few mistakes in this that made it difficult to read at times so i suggest a beta. Page breaks would have been really helpful too, it got confusing a lot of the times when the scene just switched out of nowhere.
This isn't a flame, i'm just saying this all to be helpful because i did like the idea of the story. Hurt Lauren is great because then Bo worries about her and tries to protect her but there was just no emotion in this. Anyways, thanks for sharing. Bo and Lauren are awesome together. :)
| Guest chapter 8 . 8/24/2013
I completely think that Bo should have reacted more to what Lauren told her about her past in the Congo. I mean, Lauren had her heart taken and died, even seeing Lauren alive in that moment Bo would still be distraught and emotional. So i wish Bo had reacted more lol. There should be more facial expressions too, so it could be easier to picture. Interesting fic, i'm not done reading the entire thing yet but i just had to review this chapter before reviewing the entire fic. Thanks for sharing, Bo and Lauren are awesome together. I'm off to continue the next chapters now lol.
| Anserini chapter 22 . 5/10/2013
Just finished this story - coming a little late to the party. Get job on this! I look forward to starting to read the sequel. Thanks!
| Gayer than Fiction chapter 22 . 4/17/2013
Okay, seriously, I normally don't read AU or non-canon stories. I also don't read stories in which Lauren turns Fae because I think that her humanity is her greatest asset in the Lost Girl world.
That said, I have to say that I really liked your story, and I didn't even mind Lauren turning Fae. There was good reason for it, and a real purpose. Very well done.
Good characterization and grammar were added bonuses. :-)
So thank you for this, and thanks for that deliciously evil last line. Loved it!
| LunarMiko07 chapter 22 . 2/18/2013
I really enjoyed the story!
| Guest chapter 10 . 1/25/2013
I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish Dyson got every bone in his body broken by Bo for his attack on Lauren. Not only because I really deplore his character but its also a really great way for Bo to demonstrate that she loves Lauren enough to reign down serious retribution queen succubus style for her destined mate. Good story just wish there was more satisfying Dyson bashing. :)
| yiee chapter 22 . 9/16/2012
excited for Dark Lauren!
| QuickLookBusy chapter 22 . 9/16/2012
Well that went from brilliant to terrifying in about 3 seconds. What the bananas man? Is Lauren infected with some evil Garuda juice from stabby cross contamination?
Definitely excited for this sequel, but very afraid. Great story. Definitely a favorite, so thanks for writing:)
| UnguidedLight chapter 22 . 9/12/2012
Awesome! I loved this x
| Ravens Trinity chapter 22 . 9/12/2012
Wow. That last sentance was very dark and serious. I cant wait for the sequel.
| Alyse-Angel690 chapter 22 . 9/11/2012
OMG! You can't leaving with the two of them on non-speaking terms! And what is going on with Lauren at the very end?! I really hope that your sequel will be starting soon! Great first part of the story though!
| Healer chapter 22 . 9/11/2012
Eager for the sequel now
| phoenix072124 chapter 22 . 9/11/2012
Thank you for the wonderful story, looking forward to the next one.
| Spyklv chapter 22 . 9/11/2012
Oooooooh, a sequel huh? And it seems that Lauren's got cargo in the form of a pissed off and dangerous garuda. This ending was like the Thriller video all over again! You blew my mind woman! Thanks for that glimpse of things to come with our dear sweet doctor. I was wondering where Reinold's vision was going to come into play. He told her to kill Thane so that she could survive the garuda possession, or something to that effect and here it is, come to pass. Clearly she didn't share any of that with her peeps. I can't wait to see Lauruda strut her stuff and confuse the hell out of everyone. Let's hope at least one person knows her well enough to know that there's a squatter in their midst. Thanks for the great story! I look forward to the further adventures of the gang in a mad world.
| dagemsta chapter 22 . 9/11/2012
Bravo! Well done. Very well rounded off and OH MY GOOD GOD, Lauren has a dose of the Garuda from Bo's sword!
Now a dark, sexy, evil Lauren I could definitely get into ;)
Thank you so much for this entertaining and multi layered story and I look forward to the sequel.