|Reviews for Bedlam and Cheer|
| Swaben chapter 5 . 6/22/2012
Carue is adorable. The characters were IC once again. Frostbite... Jeez. That's rough. I assume that will take awhile to heal. I would probably scream and dig myself into a hole if I was ever dropped off in Little Garden. Rem is impetuous and feisty, and makes her fair share of mistakes, I like it.
Switching perspectives is a good idea as long as there's an established pattern. But that's just my opinion.
| Swaben chapter 4 . 6/20/2012
I must say that the writing used in this chapter is particularly impressive, and the best I've seen of it so far. I enjoyed your pirate and revolutionary OCs as well, especially their appearances. Giving 'Kenny' an androgynous theme is a good touch. Your simile use is creative, and you tend to use them a lot.
You don't shy away from the grizzly realities of how classic pirates behave, which is refreshing. I think some stories ignore the darker sides of the One Piece world, when in actuality the crime probably runs rampant.
| Swaben chapter 3 . 6/18/2012
Never thought I'd see a BBT reference in an OP fic. XD The characters remained generally IC. The tiny bit with Usopp and the kid was nice to see, and Zoro acting reserved towards Rem, this new person, seems very much like him. However, I think your most noticeable strength is using imagery and sensory words to describe environments or happenings, it's very pleasant. I'm not sure about those scene break titles, though, you may want to consider going with something less distracting to keep the mood consistent.
I forgot to address this before, but, if I didn't overlook something, are you going with the assumption that Vivi joined the crew in this fic, or is this set during the time when she was going to return to Alabasta?
| Swaben chapter 2 . 6/16/2012
No problem. :3 I won't reiterate about your style since it's stayed consistent, but I will say that you've got little to worry about with it. The details make the forest seem vivid and tropical, which I assume you're going for.
The characters match to their canon personalities too. Zoro's insane amount of brusqueness was actually entertaining.
If the situation is interesting, chapters really don't have to be loaded with action, or have 'action' at all, the interactions just have to be engaging enough, which I think you achieved here.
| Swaben chapter 1 . 6/6/2012
I don't think your writing is awkward. In fact, it's very enjoyable to read, and very smooth. I really like this so far, and your OC is nicely done. I also got a good feel for Opacare without having to strain my brain over it. The banter between Rem and Luffy is funny, and you captured the Strawhats' personalities well. XD Keep it up!