|Reviews for Faults|
| NateRiver1 chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
It's an anon review, but NateRiver1 is my real pen name if you want to respond.
A few things to watch for:
(1) You mention in the author's note that you might switch perspective between narrative and Dawn. I personally think that is a bad idea in most cases, but if you chose to do it I'd advise not switching back and forth from sentence to sentence like this (and also don't the other common fanfiction method by says DAWN's PERSPECTIVE/NARRATIVE between paragraph breaks, it's really tacky):
The other campers were also easy to read.. She felt like she knew everything about them, and she'd only known them for a day. Her father was right. Dawn's training was, paying off.
Staci wasn't bad, she just talked too much, and everyone else was annoyed by it. Besides, her aura tells me none of her relatives invented the things, such as log cabins. She's a bragger, and that won't help her.
You move from third person in one paragraph to first in the next paragraph and then go back to third. It's usually best to pick one and stick to it. The change really adds nothing and you run the risk of people being unable to follow along by constantly changing.
(2) Typos: Be careful on the typos. In just the two paragraphs I quoted there are several obvious ones.
(3) I feel like there could be more meat to this. From what I can tell this is a story of the season from her POV. A lot happened in just the first episode that she might have a unique opinion on. In addition, a good chunk of the cast is not mentioned. So much if left out.
Please do not interpret this as something to discourage you from writing. It's my thoughts on what I see so far and anyone who wishes to write with a desire to improve should continue to do so. You don't get better if you don't keep going, but I would do a disservice if I offered anything else.
| rlyhannah chapter 1 . 6/6/2012
Ah, the long awaited new season of Total Drama. Dawn, Zoe, Mike, Jo, and Anne Maria are my favorites!
| NTA FANFIC chapter 1 . 6/6/2012
looks nice a little short if this was a longer one and you watched more episodes (GO ON YOUTUBE) you would have had a flashback of Dawn's training