|Reviews for Black and Blue Cat|
| Yuki Cross 223 chapter 7 . 7/22/2013
cuuuute in a way
| Yuki Cross 223 chapter 5 . 7/22/2013
| Yuki Cross 223 chapter 4 . 7/22/2013
CUUUUUUUUTTTTE BUT SOOOOOO SHOORT
| Yuki Cross 223 chapter 3 . 7/22/2013
| Yuki Cross 223 chapter 2 . 7/22/2013
| Yuki Cross 223 chapter 1 . 7/22/2013
| PrincessSkylar chapter 7 . 4/1/2013
Pretty nice story so far
Hope you update soon
| God Fenrir chapter 6 . 12/17/2012
i love your story! i hope you update soon :3
| TheMadnessWithin13 chapter 6 . 7/11/2012
| UnwrittenPhoenix chapter 4 . 7/1/2012
Awwwww so adorable
| Jemstone6259 chapter 4 . 6/18/2012
Love it so far keep it up.
| ControversiaLucy chapter 3 . 6/17/2012
Okay hun, there's a whole lot to review here, so make sure to pay attention, all right?
First off, we'll start with the title/summary. "Blue and Black Cat" isn't a very good title. It's much of a summary of the story [as a title should be] and it really doesn't grab the readers attention. As for the summary, The last three words were completely unnecessary. We know it's Amuto from looking at the characters and we don't need a giggle in a summary. See what I mean?
Next, I'll help you with writing.
The general rule for writing out numbers is if it's a single digit whole number is should be spelled out. In the first sentence you wrote:
[My concert was starting in 2 hours] but you really should have written "two." You used a lot of numbers in that paragraph and you were consistent in that you didn't spell out any of the other numbers (which would have been correct), but I'm just explaining why you should spell out lower numbers. Here's a website that should help:
. (Not sure if it'll show up)
Now the first chapter was exceedingly short. It can't really be called a chapter, you know? Also, Amu from the manga/anime wouldn't have freaked out the way you said she did. Also, her parents would have brought her home, rather than let her stay at a friends for two months when she was depressed.
I noticed a frequent number of errors. Forgetting to finish a sentence with a period, improper grammar for sentence structure, choppy sentences, and a lot more. Here are some examples from chapter one alone:
["Hello?" she asked]
["Hey it's Amu," I answered "Can you come and..."]
[Yes. I'll be there in like 5 minutes." Rima said.]
[I looked more closely. Then I saw it was definitely Ikuto.]
If you can't see the error with those you probably don't know the proper grammar rules and should therefore ask me, a friend, or a grammar teacher.
I personally would STRONGLY advise against writing "time skip in the middle of the concert* because it just doesn't look good. How about a transitional sentence?
[The time flew by quickly and, before I knew it, it was time to go out and sing again.]
I noticed that you haven't really given any closure to Amu's belief that she saw Ikuto. Just a simple "it was just some dude, Amu." or "as it turned out, it was not Ikuto." really helps. You don't want to leave any loose ends. And in a case like this, believing the readers will just assume it wasn't really Ikuto is risky.
At the end of the chapter you asked for "AT LEAST 3 nice reviews". That's inappropriate. You don't beg for reviews, you know? If people like it, they will say so. If people have corrections, they will say so. I take personal offense to the "nice" part. After all, what IS a mean review? Is it someone who tells you what's wrong with a story. Am *I* being mean?
In chapter two and three you used several real songs, and there are several problems that go along with that. First of all, it is AGAINST THE RULES to put real songs into a story. This could get deleted at any time. Next, no one reads the songs. We either don't know them or don't care. Adding real songs to the story only serves to lengthen the story [which should be done by your own writing, not another's] and annoy readers. Try to keep them out. Instead, just state the song being sung. Also, Shugo Chara! takes place in JAPAN. These are Japanese characters. They will not be singing American songs but American singers, unless they want an empty stadium and a lawsuit.
Ending your chapters without a complete sentence is just wrong. I know you want to have a cliff-hanger but there are better ways to do that.
Your story telling ability is... so-so. You don't have much of a vocabulary, your sentence structure is poor, the overall story lacks depth, intrigue, etc. I think you should scrap this story and rewrite it with the help of a Beta or a decent writer on here.
I liked the overall story line, believe it or not. For the most part, I can't STAND stories like this, but for some odd reason, I'm interested. What IF Ikuto was a violinist and Amu was a singer? What IF they meet, both extremely famous, and cannot resist falling in love? What IF their overwhelming fame comes in their way. It's not a bad thing to run with.
For now, this is the review I leave you with. I can't be sure if I've really helped you, but I certainly tried.
- Lucy Lynne
| xionxx chapter 3 . 6/17/2012
Kyaa! Is it Ikuto? Please let it be him! I really want him to come out already! ( as you can see I'm not a very impatient person) So PLEASE update SOON!
| Butterflies Full Moon chapter 2 . 6/13/2012
Hey guys agin THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR REVIEWING AND HELPING MAKE MY STORY GO ON. A special thanks to lunaticCharm42 who review pretty much right after I update. Well I will also put this on ch. 3 which I might it on today if not tomorrow. I will keep this story going on but i will start a new story it is based off of the plot of the shadow falls seires (which is really good you guys should read it) I will change some things though and it will have the characters of shugo chara. I am just asking you guys to just give it a chance please. If you do I will give you a notice on the chapters like what's it called and the summary. If you have any questions just ask on the reviews. And thank you agin for all of your reviews. :) :)
| x-Blue Diamond-x chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
Wow this is good but a bit short...but still good. keep it up!