|Reviews for An Old Friend|
| Tridan chapter 9 . 9/8/2013
The story get's a different turn...
I feel kinda sad for Leo, every time he tries to get his girl, he get's interrupted...
| Tridan chapter 8 . 9/5/2013
Love the story idea, nice plot twist and finally a fanfiction that is both romantic and has some action in it.
Pls make a next chapter... :( pwease...
| Guest chapter 8 . 7/1/2013
... Well, that didn't go where I thought it was going to go at all.
Alright, you have my attention.
I am curios to see how you plan on making this work to be honest.
Also, the tense seemed more consistently this time, good job.
| Guest chapter 7 . 7/1/2013
Well, well, a new chapter.
Not much happened, so I don't have much to say.
That said, Chloe suddenly seems suspicious to me. I wonder what she could be up to...
Leo was actually observant it seems, and I'm wondering what he's going to do now that he's put two and two together.
And I wonder what Wayne actually knows about the situation Aeris has gotten into.
The area in which you still have the most room for improvement is maintaining just one tense.
You flip-flop between present and past tense still.
Like you said, short chapter, but not bad.
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/18/2013
It took you more thn a year to make ths chapter the hell wrong with you
| IeatDeadpeople chapter 6 . 10/2/2012
Alright, let's give you some constructive criticism on this one.
First of all I see that you're not giving alot of: history, background, what the characters feel like and how they think so and so, which makes the story a bit boring and small.
The chapters are being small because you're not cutting off from the scene for a paragraph or two to talk and explain certain things such as "Whats the place called? How did it get it's name? What happned there?" After you make those statements you will realise that the chapter extended ALOT. This should solve your problem with small chapters.
Most of the writers add some difficulties and problems to the story, which the character has to solve, which is good, makes the story interesting and longer. But in this case you are adding too much of these problems and so it is difficult to overcome all of them. This brings you to a loophole where you can't really escape and the story extends on and on and on like a never ending tunnel.
You said that this isn't the best chapter you've done which I understand and respect. You can take my criticism as an advice but if this is just your style of writing and thats how you roll than do as you may please.
Wish you luck.
| Deep Sea Anchor chapter 5 . 8/17/2012
Aeris is evidently a rather astute individual. I probably would not have had been perceptive enough to notice bullet casings (especially .22 caliber) in a cup holder.
I was also not expecting Aeris to be the skateboarder type, but who cares, new perspective is exciting.
So once again, it felt a little abrupt. Don't be afraid to get a little deeper into descriptions. That said it was still enjoyable and I like the direction this is going in so far.
Once again I see that you are working on tenses. I'm sure you'll perfect that soon enough.
And I'll close with saying that I am very much looking forward to exploring some romance in the next few chapters, along with whatever more exciting actiony things may happen.
| Deep Sea Anchor chapter 4 . 7/11/2012
Alright, I liked it.
I will now say why.
The conflicts were resolved quickly. You didn't go for all the "boohoo I feel conflicted, should I do this should I do that" drama. It was a little abrupt, that's what I thought while reading it, but I also decided that I didn't care. It was refreshing to see things go right.
You also started to add past tense to the storytelling more. Right now it's a tiny little bit awkward, but it shows effort, so I'm impressed. It didn't detract from anything anyway, so good on you.
It surprised me. Many times it surprised me in fact, which is great.
A P22? Interesting choice. Personally the caliber is a little low for my taste but whatever, it's quite. If you want to kill someone quietly, that's a good choice.
What is Wayne, a hit-man? Low caliber, easily silenced, pistols, enough money to buy a car offhand in one day, a seemingly deep affinity for red spades? What could he be I wonder? This ties into one of the last things I liked. You still left us with some room to continue the story, though I can't see but one direction it could go in. What could happen now?
Well done, let's see if you can keep surprising me.
| Guest chapter 4 . 7/10/2012
AHA! Shoe's on the other foot now, huh Aeris?
Okay, I'm done with my rant. Good chapter. Characters were in check, problems resolved, and new relationships explored, all of which are things I love _
I think this'll be my fourth time saying it but fuck it. Good job Kat!
| Deep Sea Anchor chapter 3 . 6/20/2012
Alright, I admit that I've been holding off reading this, primarily because the story is written in present tense (ordinarily I would take that as a sign of poor writing).
But, to my great pleasure, I discovered that this story was actually rather nice.
I am both entertained and intrigued by it and am looking forward to the next chapter. So I congratulate you on what may very well be the makings of a fine story.
| yayleo chapter 3 . 6/20/2012
GO LEO! I like Wayne and all BUT GO LEO GO!
And holy panda bears you're fast!
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/18/2012
I agree with yayleo. Wayne seems decent enough, but in my opinion backstabbing a good friend is something that deserves retribution.
| yayleo chapter 2 . 6/18/2012
Hmmmmm... I'm two-faced. Wayne seems like a good guy, but he just completely stabbed Leo in the back. Some friend. But overall the writing was much better. However Wayne seems to be developing mary-sue qualities. Be sure to give him plausible flaws. But overall good chapter. Good job once again Kat :)
| Darkstarotaku chapter 1 . 6/17/2012
Very nice work friend I really like your writing is so the fanfic I'm writing I was going to change the last name of one of my characters from Linkin to carter but reading this I'm glad I stuck with Linkin
P.S Cant wait to see what happens next.
| yayleo chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
A well executed start :) but I just gotta say two things: try to keep the pacing at a good rate, and MAKE AERIS FALL FOR LEO!
that is all. Good job Kat _