|Reviews for So The Game Begins|
| Acid Prince chapter 8 . 7/27/2012
That's good because I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with B ;) lol you are an amazing writer and now my favorite I love the characterxreader stories! :D you Nukia are going on my alerts ;D
| desertwoman chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
Wonderful story! I just wanted to say you did a great job and I love how you portrayed everyone. The story line was suspenseful and dramatic. I like that the Wammy boys were protective of the girl. Overall, I really enjoyed reading it. It's all your story, and you took the plot in your own direction. Props to you!
Just a few things though - there were a LOT of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, but I chose to overlook them for my interest in the story. I'm sure you know this, but BB's shinigami eyes can't be seen by anyone. They look normal to anyone else. Also, the purpose of why BB attempted to kill himself in another note would have been defeated in your story, as he did that so L would never find him and would never know where he was. But here, he attempted to kill himself right in front of L. And L is a lot more talkative and comedic than your portrayal, which was mostly serious and quiet.
Other than that, great job. :)
| Ratt9 chapter 1 . 6/30/2012
So, I read this. All of it.
Where to even start.
There were a few places where you swapped point of views. Sometimes, even in the middle of sentences. This is frowned upon.
You change tenses very often, making it a very annoying read. For instance, “He picked up a piece of paper between his finger and thumb then holding it up to study it.” That sentence is fraught with fail.
There were many parts in this that you go on and on about things that are not relevant. We know that your self insert is very sexy, but we don't need detail after detail every time she changes her clothes.
(ex: “After I showered, I put on a long blue and black striped jumper on with some black shorts , black tights underneath them, tied your hair into plaits, then sprayed some perfume on your neck and pulling on some black boots.” as well as “You got washed, then changed into some blue jeans, a black t shirt, a red jacket , tied your hair back and put some black slip on shoes on.”)
It's not a huge deal, but it gets tiresome to read.
Little problems aside, now we're on with the main plot.
What the FLIPPING FUCK is up with Beyond's character? First of all, Beyond Birthday is not a pervert, and nor does he just go ahead and kidnap random, unspecial people off the street for the lols. Also, if she used to be at Wammy's house, shouldn't she be smart enough to not get kidnapped 3 times?
And it's not only Beyond's character. Mello is all wrong. The main problem? He's getting along with Near. This is not supposed to happen. They /hate/ each other!
There is also no reason for everyone to be in love with the self-insert. Why are they? She's a terrible fail with zero character development.
Also, if you get called by B, you HANG UP AND GET A GUN.
B has no accomplice in this story. So why would you follow him out of the hotel when he's told you that L and the others are in the next room? They walked straight through the hotel lobby. If B was with her, then he couldn't have done anything to them. So why didn't the self-insert make a scene?
A CHARACTER PASSING OUT A BAZILLION TIMES IS JUST AN AUTHOR'S WAY OF SAYING I'M TOO LAZY TO WRITE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. No one weighs 50 pounds and can be gracefully carried to the nearest sofa.
Mello manhandling people is extremely awkward.
Decapitation is only used to describe the removal of a head.
And the self insert needs to stop giggling. Just stop.
You need a serious grammar check.
L is never 100% positive about anything. Not statistically.
L AND BEYOND ARE NOT BROTHERS.
Somehow, I don't think L would appreciate having his chest snuggled into, even in a traumatic situation. Especially in a traumatic situation when he needs to be hands free.
B's motives were still rotten and stupid. First he claims he wants to surpass L, then he claims he wants a partner in death.
All of these characters are dangerous, or intense in their own way. I wish people would grasp this. They wouldn't mess around with this girl.
I'm sure I'm going to get a ton of hatemail for this, but I feel that these glaring mistakes and failures must be brought out into the open. Feel free to reply.
| Nukian chapter 21 . 6/28/2012
Thanks to all the comments I got for this story, I am glad to say that there will be another part to this coming very soon called The Light Of Japan
| Guest chapter 21 . 6/28/2012
Loved this story! I kept up with it every step of the way! I liked how it was a roleplay, too. :P But it was amazing! Thank you for writing it!
| Pandatryoshka chapter 21 . 6/23/2012
It's the end.
I will read and re-read.
| InvaderPhantom16 chapter 21 . 6/22/2012
yay! lets go with L!
| Violet-Revenge chapter 21 . 6/22/2012
Aw no it's the end D':
Loved this story :)
| xAuburnAngelx chapter 21 . 6/22/2012
Awww :D The ending was sweet!
O.O Mello and Near agreeing for once? That's a first XDD
| Violet-Revenge chapter 20 . 6/22/2012
The insane thing about that is that because I read this before bed I had a dream about it lol
And it was pretty much exactly the same! B started crying and said about the whole Romeo and Juliet thing. Crazy dude.
AWW POOR B!
I knew he loved her at least a little bit ;)
I'm glad he didn't die. Yay Matt!
Excited for the next chapter :)
| Nukian chapter 20 . 6/22/2012
I got another chapter yet to end the story
| Pandatryoshka chapter 20 . 6/22/2012
This better not be the end...
| Random persion chapter 20 . 6/21/2012
I think ya got Mello and Matt's charicters is hot tempered and Matt,well,I don't know, but you got Mello your making the persion reading this look like a I cry,(eneybody would)but I woulden't cry THAT mutch.
| xAuburnAngelx chapter 20 . 6/21/2012
BB was originally saved by Naomi, but since she wasn't involved, someone else had to
Tell me what L was going to say!
| DeaththeKidslover1031 chapter 13 . 6/21/2012
Awesome are a friggin genius!