|Reviews for A New Battle Begins|
| innovator1 chapter 4 . 7/27/2012
Whoa...sorry that your youger brother died dude...He was far to young to die. rest in Peace
| innovator1 chapter 3 . 6/14/2012
Should I do it the same way i did in chapter 2?
yeah sure why not...
First some questions- I forget -_- how old is Blade again? is he 6 or 8 years old?
I'll point out the good first this type around
1) Oo You really do have a different take on Blade, a different personality for sure.
2) Hail and Blade now give me this Zatch and Kiyo vibe
3) Most importantly! Hail has a mom? Wasn't she dead in Lightning Blast's story? That's one of the biggest changes i've seen thus far...although I could be mistaken, I haven't read Lightning Blast's introduction part of the story in a while.
4) Kin gives me that suzy feeling
5) You're right though. You write alot better, when you use qoutes, so keep on doing it :)
Time to point out the bad:
1) Setting! it's missing! it's absent in what the house that Hail lives in
2) I guess you could've made the chapter longer if you had discribed when Blade and Hail's mother actually talked to each other, oh and I dont know what Hail's mom looks like.
3) Seen grammer errors, but we all got that (it's unavoidable really), so I'm not going to nitpick you about it. I would suggest you use mircosoft word, if you're currently not using it.
| innovator1 chapter 2 . 6/14/2012
Alright, time for another review. I'll describe all the bad and good things i've seen in this chapter.
I guess I'll start off with the bad:
1) Blade(Annonymous) did use his first spell, great! However I didn't see how he unleashed the spell, did it come from his hands? His mouth? Or out of nowhere. (I already Know, but some might not)
2) In the beginning, I tryed to find when Rose had her partner read the spell that was the first spell. I can't find it...so there was no reading of the spell, so therefore there was no spell to hit Hail with -_-
3)You did the samething Lightning blast did a couple of times(I yelled at him to about it too ;)). Blade's spell beat Rose's spell, and it beat her into the ground I suppose. But you didn't write when did that spell have the chance to make contact with Rose's book, causing it to burn?
Alright, I'm done yelling at you. Time to point out the good points.
1) I've easily noticed that you have a different take on Blade. More out going it seems to me
2)You're writing style is Unique in a way, you put alot of emotion in Hail, and Blade, in the way they speak.
This chapter was a little short, but it got it's point across.
| innovator1 chapter 1 . 6/11/2012
While reading your summery I was like "Holy shit" total copy right. But I seen your permission.
Lightning blast had a very good chapter 1 to begin with.
But his story did lack in area's where I told him to fix them. Which he did.
I'll give chp 2 a read. And see how ur two stories will differ.